


Don't You See?

by EnsorcelledReader



Series: Dirk/Jake Sburb During and Post Game [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety, Body Worship, Consensual Somnophilia, Depression, Dirk has a dark sense of humor, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gun Kink, Insecurity, M/M, Roxy quotes hannibal lecter, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Loathing, Smuff, laugh kink, slight dubcon, sorta - Freeform, very morbid sequence in chapter 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-04-20 04:18:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 58,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4773227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnsorcelledReader/pseuds/EnsorcelledReader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This takes place after BOTH the Dirk/Jake OTP Challenge Fic and Echo. Please make sure you have read both or you probably won't understand what's going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Creep

**Author's Note:**

> So a tad bit later than I meant for it to be up. This first chapter might be a little depressing, the story will have plenty of light super fluffy moments later on, I promise.

It had been a week since the incident. _After Jake had lulled Dirk to sleep, he cleaned the up the method of Dirk’s special brand of self-harm. Feeling at least partly responsible. He didn’t remember Dirk acting like this before their initial break-up. Had he really hurt the boy that much? Was that what this was? He couldn’t bring himself to throw Brobot away, Dirk would probably become very upset at the loss of one of his precious robots; and Jake didn’t want to test his mental stability right now._

_The next morning Jake confronted Dirk about his actions. Asking him how long he had been feeling this way, what had caused it, how he could help. Dirk was reticent not offering any answers, not even looking at Jake. The adventurer couldn’t take it, he needed to know what was going on NOW. He grabbed Dirk’s face with his hands, forcing the blonde to look him in the eye; demanding an answer. Dirk tried to pull away; but Jake wouldn’t let him. Giving him a stern command to tell him what was going on in his head. Jake quickly learned this wasn’t the way to handle things. After a couple of silent moments of looking into each other’s eyes Jake saw a flash of fear, anxiety and despair; followed by a harsh shove, forcing him to let go of his boyfriend. Dirk took the opportunity to jump up, run into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him. Jake could hear retching followed by muffled sobs._

Dirk had avoided him since. The brunette had pushed him too hard to fast, he realized that now. He decided to allow Dirk his space and it’s paid off. Little by little he has been returning to a place of communication. The first two days, Dirk had locked himself away with the very robot that incited the whole ordeal. Not talking to Jake despite the many pleas on the outside of the locked door. Jake didn’t even think he had eaten in those two days. On day three though, he left the room to root around in the fridge. Jake was more cautious that time. Not touching Dirk, not making any sudden movements; like dealing with a skittish animal. Dirk looked at him. An expression of befuddlement on his face; like he was surprised that Jake was still there, still trying to help, still seeing him as worth the effort. Jake had offered to make him something to eat. The blonde hesitated for a long moment; searching his face; as if looking for some sign of deceit. Finding none, he nodded. Jake couldn’t help but brighten a little at the concession and went to work. For the two days proceeding, Dirk started to show his presence around Jake more; one time Roxy came over and upon hearing the knock at the door, Dirk made a beeline for his workshop. However, he did return sometime later after Roxy had left. Baby steps. Jake was getting somewhere. On day six he sneaked into their room when he thought Jake was asleep and slept in their bed. An action that warmed Jake’s heart. Finally, on day seven, Dirk appeared in their room as Jake was getting ready for bed. His hair wet; he had taken a shower, that’s good, he was feeling a least a little better. Dirk was still laconic, more like he was afraid to say something rather than not having the words as appeared to be the case before. He climbed into bed, facing Jake, the green-eyed boy could tell he wanted contact, but was timorous about initiating any affection between the two. Jake reached out and pulled his boyfriend into his embrace. The prince tensed; Jake whispered in his ear “I’ve missed our cuddles, please just let me love you a little tonight.” Dirk relaxed a little at the words, allowing himself to settle into the hug.

MONDAY:

That was last night. Jake was the first to wake up this morning; Dirk still in his arms. It was nice, it was a wonderful feeling that Dirk would allow him this much contact after such a time when he screwed up royally. He felt Dirk shift some next to him. Their eyes met. Jake didn’t ask any questions this time, instead placing his lips gently on his love’s trying to convey as much affection as possible.

Dirk reciprocated. Liking the gentleness of the kiss, the feeling of Jake’s arms around him. In this exquisitely ephemeral moment, he felt a disconnect from the shattered glass fragments of his thoughts, he had been carefully trying to put back together over the last week. It was a good disconnect though; like for just a few seconds he was allowed to forget his stupid mind, his stupid thoughts, and actions that he was surprised didn’t cost him his relationship. They held the kiss for a moment, followed by an eternity, Jake lovingly caressing Dirk’s back. It was nice, they were floating; nothing was here but them and the blissful intimacy that was more than a single kiss could ever convey, yet somehow it seemed to transmit their feelings perfectly.

They separated, looking into each other’s eyes. Jake couldn’t help himself, he missed this so much. He kissed Dirk’s cheeks, his forehead, his nose. Doing everything he could to impart just how much the blonde meant to him. Dirk took a few deep breathes, trying not to become overwhelmed by the sensation and the emotion he felt. He loved Jake, he truly did, but there was a constant pressure on his shoulders that said he didn’t deserve it. Jake’s unrelenting attentions allowed Dirk to let go of that weight a little. They ended up spending all day in bed together. Dirk drifting in and out of consciousness (he had been awake most nights for the past two weeks; Jake could tell from the look of his eyes), while Jake quietly read _“30,000 Leagues Under the Sea”._ Dirk stayed next to him, cuddling into his side even more when he was asleep. Jake learned even more about Dirk from this.

Jake was a heavy sleeper, not much could wake him, so he never knew about Dirk’s nightmares. It was so abundantly evident today though. Dirk was muttering something incomprehensible in his sleep. Whimpers and a few tears leaking out. Jake was caught between wanting to watch and see if he could figure out what the dream was about (maybe it related to something in their lives that he could help with) and waking Dirk up so he wouldn’t suffer. He settled for tracing reassuring circles into his love’s back, shushing him and whispering reassurances into his ear. It seemed to help as Dirk drifted back into a silent sleep, breathing returning to a rhythmic state.

 

TUESDAY:

Jake had fallen asleep at some point, the book resting on his chest. He looked bleary eyed at his left to find Dirk looking at him. “You’re really cute when you fall asleep while reading.” Jake simpered. Judging from the half conscious look in the blondes eyes, he just woke up too.

“Come here.” The page pulled his prince into a loving cuddle. Kissing the top of his head. Dirk buried his face into Jake’s chest, loving the forest scent that flooded his nose. Jake spoke up, “We should bathe.”

“Mmmn~” Whether this was an agreement or not Jake was unsure; but he decided to take it as an affirmative statement.

“…Maybe….we could take bath together?”

Dirk was silent for a few seconds. Thinking about it. “…okay.” Jake wasn’t a fool. He knew Dirk was struggling with depression and the cuddling they did yesterday was by no means a cure. He hoped though, that little by little they could chip away at it together. Dirk was an intensely private person, so going out to the very public alchemitter in the middle of their makeshift town and figuring out how to alchemize some antidepressants wasn’t an option right now. He hoped that by encouraging self -care, providing comfort when he could, and helping combat some of Dirk’s internal dialogue, whatever it may be; would help.

“Alrighty then, I’m going to go prep the bath.” Kissing Dirk a few times before he left, nervous of leaving the boy alone.

Dirk didn’t mind though, sometimes he needed a few minutes to work through stuff in his head. The sleep and time with Jake had helped his mood some. He still hated himself, he still felt like he was filled with a cornucopia of heterogeneous adverse thoughts. However, the chasm didn’t feel quite as deep today. Even though it still appeared endless…it’s like there was hope now, hope that there was a bottom. Jake called him from the bathroom; the blonde forced himself off the bed and made his way to the bath.

They both stripped and climbed into the large tub; the game totally set them up with one of the biggest tubs they had ever seen. Plenty of room for them both to fit comfortably. Jake made his way behind Dirk, shampoo in hand. He worked up a lather and massaged the scalp with his fingertips. Dirk groaned in approval. Unlike last time, he didn’t move away. Jake then took some soap, gently cleaning and massaging his back. He loved taking care of Dirk like this; seeing his boyfriend relax and melt into his touch made him feel needed; and a little turned on. He tried to ignore it; with the way Dirk had been feeling he didn’t want to pressure him. This was about caring for the most important person in his life; not about sex.

After Jake had finished with Dirk’s back; Dirk turned around to shampoo Jake’s hair. With all the work he did on robots, his hands were very strong and felt incredible as they worked the shampoo into Jake’s hair. Causing the boy to groan at his boyfriends ministrations. Dirk smirked to himself. It felt nice to know that he had this kind of effect on Jake. He moved to the shoulders, working out a little bit of tension that rested there. He looked over the page’s shoulder to see the kind of effect he had on his adventurer. Dirk wasn’t in the mood for sex; he felt better, but his libido was still at an all-time low. After all of the kindness Jake had given him though, he wanted make his partner feel good. He reached around grasping the appendage. Jake moaned in response. “D-dirk, you don’t have to. It’s okay.” Damn, he was already stuttering.

Dirk kissed his neck in response. Continuing to pump his hand; causing Jake to release sounds of pleasure and approval. Dirk smirked into Jake’s neck. “I love you; you’ve done so much for me. Let me make you feel good, hun.” That pet name, why did that pet name always have such a powerful goddamned effect on him. Jake moaned loudly calling Dirk’s name as he quickly reached the zenith of his excitement. Embarrassingly quick really; but neither commented. Dirk actually felt quite satisfied that he could create such a reaction from Jake.

 

FRIDAY:

They had continued to spend their days together. Nurturing the closeness between them. Dirk slowly getting more energy to throw himself into his projects again. He started spending more time in his workshop, however, per Jake’s request, he left the door open. He worked on repairing Brobot, the fight had really done a number on him. Jake check on him a couple of times, worried of whatever forced Dirk to fight his robot in the first place would resurface. Thankfully, all he ever found was Dirk working, humming a song. Today, Jake was making Dirk’s favorite foods, orange and crème cupcakes, burgers, and fries. When he approached the workshop to let his prince know dinner was ready, he heard a soft voice singing.

_“When you were here before_

_Couldn’t look you in the eye_

_You’re just like an angel_

_Your skin makes me cry_

_You float like a feather_

_In a beautiful world_

_And I wish I was special_

_You’re so fuckin special”_

Jake stayed hidden, listening to Dirk sing. He had such a lovely voice, there was a hint of sadness, but given the lyrics; Jake could understand why. He debated whether he should stop Dirk. This singing was unlike before; it seemed more a controlled conveyance of emotion rather than an uncontrollable bout of desperation and sadness. If he needed this, if it helped him, Jake didn’t want to stop him.

“ _But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo_

_What the hell am I doing here?_

_I don’t belong here.”_

That’s not true Dirk you do belong.

 

“ _I don’t care if it hurts_

_I want to have control_

_I want the perfect body_

_I want the perfect soul_

_I want you to notice_

_When I’m not around_

_You’re so fuckin special_

_I wish I was special”_

Wow, this was Dirk. Did he write this? Jake had been with Dirk long enough to know the boy was a perfectionist and controlling in everything he did; even to his own detriment. Still, unlike before there were no tears; no sound of choked sobs that beckoned Jake to interfere. It was a calm melancholy tone that trudged through, marching on without any particular goal or destination. Those last lyrics too. He always notices when Dirk’s not around. He’s really not that special, Dirk’s the special one. Dirk is extraordinary; built robots and created brilliant plans that he could execute on his own. The boy was the most amazing person Jake had ever known, if only he could see it that way.

“ _She’s running out again,_

_She’s running out_

_She runs run run run.”_

Okay, the words were “she’s”, but still, he meant Jake didn’t he? Jake ran out on him before; he would never do it again. Was this on of the fears that plagued his dearest’s mind? It broke his heart, it clenched at his very soul. He would do everything in his power to make sure Dirk never felt that way again.

“ _Whatever makes you happy_

_Whatever you want_

_You’re so fuckin special_

_I wish I was special”_

You are special Dirk, more special than you could ever imagine. You make me so happy, I don’t know what ever made me think that I could be happier without you.

“ _But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo_

_What the hell am I doing here?_

_I don’t belong here_

_I don’t belong here.”_

Jake took a few deep breathes and knocked on the door frame “Dirk, dinner’s ready.”

Dirk looked up, and gave him a half smile. Progress. Jake may not have liked the song Dirk sang, but it seems to be therapeutic for him. Dirk apparently knew he was listening though, told him he didn’t write the song, not to worry about it. Don’t take it out of context. It has nothing to do with their relationship. Jake knew though, regardless, the song held Dirk’s emotions in that moment.

SATURDAY:

The two were eating breakfast in bed together, courtesy of Jake. “Hey, would you like to go for a walk with me? The fresh air would probably do you some good.”

Dirk shifted uncomfortably, he was still feeling pretty vulnerable, not a feeling he liked to put on display. “I don’t know.”

“Just a short one, please, it’ll just be the two of us. I promise.”

That was reassuring. “..okay.”

Jake beamed, which put a small smile on Dirk’s face as well. Leaning over, Jake gave him a tender kiss, slightly upsetting the trays on their laps, but they saved them. Dirk put his aside carefully, moving Jake’s aside as well. “We can go soon, cuddles first.” Jake simpered, Dirk rarely stated what he wanted, like it would expose him somehow. So, Jake was more than happy to go along with what Dirk needed this minute. He held him close, kissing him, caressing, burying his face in Dirk’s neck because his scent was intoxicating, his skin was soft, and seeing him doing better and communicating like this was weird; almost an aphrodisiac for Jake. Like he was special and Dirk would never show this side of him to anyone else.

After a while they pried themselves apart, dressed and went for their walk in the wilderness. Jake chose the least strenuous route, not wanting to tire Dirk out too much. It was a nice flat winding path that eventually lead them to a waterfall. Dirk’s eyes lit up; the boy loved water. He loved rain, and the ocean, and this waterfall was incredible. The water depositing into a huge tranquil pool before the water siphoned out to the river. Jake just watched as the blonde’s eyes lit up with delight. Dirk took off his shoes, submerging his feet into the surprisingly warm water. Jake joined him, they sat there for a long while; just enjoying the view.

SUNDAY:

It was raining today. Thunder boomed outside, flashes of light danced across the sky. Dirk sat at the window seat in the living room. Window slightly ajar so he could feel the cool breeze and the occasional rain drop. He was there almost from the time he first awoke. A book in his hand. He switched back and forth between reading and weather gazing. Jake was at his own house; which was equipped with a shooting range. He arrived sometime later to find his boyfriend asleep in his seat. Jake wasn’t an artist, he didn’t have Dirk’s drawing skills. But the image before him was beautiful. The gloriously pale boy asleep and peaceful next to a water painted window and churning chaos outside. A gorgeous contrast. He quickly took out his phone (which surprisingly worked in this place; internet, phone calls, everything. Scientifically impossible…but nothing about his life has really made much scientific sense so far, so why bother with a cell phone?); taking several pictures, but not completely capturing the vision before him. He adjusted a few settings and right as he took another picture, a bolt of lightning flashed across the sky. The picture was incredible. The lightning lit up everything, Dirk looked otherworldly, ethereal. He made a note to alchemize a better camera, this wasn’t the first time he had found Dirk in an interesting pose; it was unlikely to be his last. And he wanted to freeze these precious moments in time. Today, though, he would have to be happy with what he was able to get. He gently picked Dirk up, surprised that the boy sleeps so soundly during thunder storms, and carried him to their bed.


	2. Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is still a once a week story. It's Monday. Sometimes I may post chapters close together, or make them nearly two weeks apart. My goal is only to post something for this story once for each week on my calendar. 
> 
> Also, smut ahead.

MONDAY:

Dirk woke up in bed, how’d he get there? His question was answered by seeing the fully clothed male next to him asleep, arms wrapped around Dirk, as if protecting him in his dreams. He smiled and buried his face in Jake’s chest. He was in a cocoon, something that shielded him from the pressing thoughts at the edges of his mind. _You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve Jake. Look at all he’s done for you. You are a burden. Fucking die already._ The thoughts danced around as peripheral notions; not fully apparent, but known none the less. _You are broken, no one can fix you. You are a problem that infects people, decaying them from the inside out. You will destroy everyone._ Rationality is fighting these thoughts, he can’t possibly have that much power; he is insignificant and that is reassuring. Too insignificant to matter. The world ticks on with an endless stream of sand; and he occupies less than one grain. People are capable of cutting out nuisances; if they really disliked him that much they wouldn’t talk to him, hang around him or try to cheer him up. The war of his mind had died down quite a bit from what it was two weeks ago; but there was still residual clangs in the back of his mind. An imprint and echoes of a war that seemed unending. Jake was his anchor that kept him from being dragged back out to the tumultuous sea. Seemed unfair though; why should that be Jake’s responsibility? Jake most likely has his own problems to deal with; so why should he be responsible for Dirk’s as well? There goes the guilt again. Guilt won’t solve anything right now. _Stop feeling guilt and be happy, for Jake. Show him that you’re happy, lessen the burden that you have placed on him._ Dirk took several deep breaths. Yes, he wanted to be happy, for Jake.

The brunette shift, opening his eyes. “Hey.” He said sleepily, a goofy smile working its way onto his face. And just like that, the thoughts and guilt were demoted to mere echoes once again. There, but capable of being ignored. Dirk kissed him, slowly, tenderly, containing all of the love in his being.

“Hey. Let’s go on a walk again today.” Walking, sunlight, fresh air; these would help distract him from that war, the battle he fights constantly. Jake illuminated with the brightness of a thousand suns. Grabbing Dirk’s face his kissed him once more; passionately, enthusiastically, joyfully.

Dirk was doing better. He actually wanted to do something with Jake. He wanted to be with Jake, and Jake was overwhelmed with the emotion he felt from that one sentence. “Yeah, let’s go to that waterfall again. You liked that place right?”

“Yeah.”

The day passed by uneventfully. Which was good. Dirk still held an internal struggle, but the hike helped quiet the conflicting thoughts and emotions. They spent the day, hand in hand, relaxing and peaceful.

 

WEDNESDAY:

The boys laid on their shared bed. Dirk was feeling worlds better. It probably wouldn’t last, but he was enjoying the feeling of Jake beneath his head, and the hand in his hair. His romantic drive had recovered quite a bit and right now he wanted nothing more than to spend all day in Jake’s arms if he could. The smell of him was calming, as was the sound of rain and thunder outside.

He was in the middle of a tranquil lake, floating peacefully. No threat of drowning or upheaval or even a sun burn. The light that shone down on him was gentle, kind and warming. He wanted to drink that sun, he wanted to hold that sun and never let go. He wanted to always feel this way. The wonderful amazing serene stillness.

Jake watched Dirk, loving the attention he was getting today. Hugs, and kisses, and cuddles. It was nice, and seeing Dirk so happy was made his heart swell and his mind ease. Even when Dirk was well, it was rare to for Jake to be granted access to his hair like this. Allowed to mess it up and twirl it and play with it. He wanted to capture every moment like this, freeze it in time and place it on the wall of his mind and cherish it forever. Unfortunately, his stomach had to ruin the moment.

Dirk giggled at the growling. “Someone hungry?”

“It’s fine, I don’t want to get up yet.” He pulled Dirk and closer to him, as if hoping to meld their bodies into one. Dirk nuzzled his neck, he liked the feeling of being wanted. And for once there wasn’t that thought in the back of his mind that rationalized the feeling away. The words _“He’s just trying to take care of you because you’re so fucking fragile. He’s too nice, you’re trapping him in a relationship he doesn’t want, you’re taking advantage of him”_ for the first time since they had gotten back together, those words didn’t echo in his mind. He was allowed this moment of pure happiness and it filled him, quenching a thirst he had forgotten he had. He wanted nothing more than to share his bliss with his beloved. He kissed Jake over and over; short kisses each one punctuating something unspoken he loved about the boy; his face, his kindness, his love, his devotion, his care, his ass. Okay, some were sweeter than others. As he pulled away once more, letting his lips ghost against Jake’s; “Let me make my hun something.” He let his southern drawl slip a little, knowing how much Jake loved it. He was rewarded with a sublime simper from the one next to him.

“But I want my love to stay with me.” Jake whined as he buried his face in Dirk’s neck. The blonde chuckled.

“I’ll make something quick. I want to feed my boyfriend. You’ve done so much for me Jake, I really appreciate it. Let me do something as small as make you lunch.”

“I was happy to do it. I love you so much.”

“I love you too. That’s why you have to let me feed you, make sure you are taken care of the way you’ve taken care of me.”

“…Okay, how about soup? We have the broth that I made.”

“Sure, anything for my hun.” Dirk kissed him once more, feeling so affectionate today that he worried a little that it bordered on clingy. It had just been so long since he felt this good. Jake seemed to like it though. Pulling him closer again.

“Just a few more minutes.” Dirk smiled at him, not that Jake could see. Face still buried in Dirk’s neck. The two settled in for a little bit longer; until Jake’s stomach made its discontent known. The prince chuckled again.

“Time to make you some food.” Dirk pulled away, despite Jake’s protests and made his way to the kitchen. Living with Jake the first time around had thankfully provided him with more than enough skill to put together a great chicken noodle soup. He threw in the left over chicken from the day before. Celery, carrots, pasta. Simple, but perfect for a rainy day like today. He whipped up some grilled cheese sandwiches to go with and hurried back to the bedroom. Jake was asleep. And Dirk saw for the first time, just how tired the poor boy was. The bags, and dark rings around his eyes. Dirk had really put him through the ringer with his issues. He set down his own bowl of soup on the side table, then returned Jake’s food to the pot to keep it warm. He would make another sandwich when the page awoke. He returned to the bed, eating his food in peace; trying his best not to let the guilt crush him. Feeling bad would only make Jake worry and blame himself for falling asleep. Dirk wanted everything to be better. He didn’t want Jake to suffer because of him anymore.

Roughly an hour and a half later, Jake woke up to see Dirk reading _The Time Machine._ “You should’ve woken me, love. I didn’t want to sleep so long. I only meant to rest my eyes.” Dirk looked at him and smiled. Setting his book aside he leaned over kissing his dearest’s forehead.

“You looked exhausted. Taking care of me has been hard on you. You needed rest.”

Jake yawned “It hasn’t been that hard, I’m fine.”

“Jake, I love you, but don’t lie to me. I’ve worried you. I think you’ve lost sleep over me, because I’ve been useless and pathetic.”

“Don’t say that, you’re not pathetic.” A silence blanketed them, a fork in the road before them. Continue and risk escalating? Or put it to the side for now? They opted for the later.

“Let me get you some soup.” Dirk said.

“I can get it.”

Dirk placed his hand on the adventurer’s chest. Leaning down, placing a loving kiss on his lips. “I get to take care of _you_ today, okay?” Looking his straight in the eye. Jake sighed, Dirk was picking and choosing his battles; and Jake could tell this would be one of them. He smiled though, because the battle the prince was choosing was for the page’s benefit; how could one really fight that?

“Okay.” Dirk beamed, a surprising reaction for Jake to witness. It made his heart race; his boyfriend was so happy…taking care of him. He relaxed back as Dirk went to fetch the food. Returning a short time later with soup and sandwich in hand. Jake ate, raving about the food; giving Dirk a great sense of pride in his accomplishment. And the two spent the rest of their evening cuddling.

 

THUSDAY:

Once again, they were in bed. Dirk woke up first, facing the wall. He rolled over, snuggling close to Jake, feeling a bump a little lower than waist level. He smirked to himself. Debating whether or not he was going to have some fun with Jake like this. The page shifted a little in his sleep, moaning. “…Dirk” Okay, the blondes libido was back and it was back in full force. The only thing holding him back was that he wasn’t sure Jake would be okay with him fooling around while he was asleep. It was never an issue they had to discuss. Rather than getting straight to the point, Dirk tested the waters a little. Kissing Jake’s neck, the adventurer reacted more than Dirk had expected; moaning slightly, and pressing himself against Dirk. It was too much, Jake was reacting too easily and too loudly for Dirk not to go further. He reached down, palming Jake through his boxers; a breathy moan escaping his love’s lips. God it sounded so good; and with how absolutely wonderful Jake had been to him; Dirk wanted to express his appreciation. Still, something about it just felt creepy. Was this something Jake would be okay with? Thankfully, it quickly became a non-issue. Jake’s eyes fluttered open and Dirk took his opportunity; kissing him as he woke; hands moving to Jake’s chest, caressing. “Mmmn~? What?”

“You were moaning my name in your sleep hun.” Kissing his jawline. “And from your current state, I’m pretty sure I can guess what you were dreaming.”

Jake blushed red. Yeah, okay, he woke up in the middle of a hot sex dream. “Yeah, but I can take care of this.” He really didn’t want Dirk to feel like he had to do anything. He may have been feeling better, but that didn’t mean Dirk owed him anything.

“Maybe I want to take care of this for you.” Dirk whispered and he bit Jake’s earlobe. Jake was already riled up from his dream; completely over sensitive all over. He moaned Dirk’s name again as he felt his boyfriend’s hand wander south.

“Wait, please. I-I want.” Jake grabbed Dirk shoulders pushing him onto the bed, so he was on top. Kissing the blonde fervently. Hands all over. Dirk moaned loudky and Jake felt his head spin. It had been so long since he heard that noise. “Please, can we…?”

“Yeah, yeah we can.” Dirk was already panting. Jake couldn’t help but love how into it Dirk was, already panting, clinging to him, kissing him. Jake extracted himself long enough to get the lube. Coating his fingers, he slipped one inside. Whining a little at the feeling. He let Dirk adjust, kissing his chest and neck to distract him. He wanted to control what Dirk felt; just for a little while. He wanted his boyfriend to feel nothing but pleasure; lose himself in sensation and quiet that chaotic mind of his. He want Dirk to be his, body and mind for just a little while. It wouldn’t fix anything; but he could at least offer him a brief reprieve from the battle he was so valiantly fighting. “Okay.” With Dirk’s consent Jake started thrusting his finger in and out. Nipping down Dirk’s neck to his nipples, sucking on one while using his other hand to play with the other. “Nnn~ Jake~”

The page moaned, he loved the sounds Dirk made; he wanted to consume the sound of his name in Dirk’s mouth. Lick it up, claim the boy, all of Dirk for himself. He inserted another finger into the blonde; working deeper. He allowed Dirk to adjust once more before he began thrusting again. Dirk was a whimpering, panting, sweaty mess already, and Jake hadn’t even found- “Ah! There! Please, hit there again.” Jake smirked proud of himself for getting such reaction from his beloved. He started focusing more on that spot. Wrapping his other hand around Dirk’s length, pumping. He wanted Dirk completely lost in pleasure, and from the look of things he was getting what he wanted. The blonde was arching off the bed; letting out a litany of curses and cries for more. “So good. Fuck Jake, so good.” Jake was transfixed, hypnotized by the sight before him. His mind spinning with lust and passion. No, not yet, he wanted to see Dirk completely undone. He wanted to maintain control for that long. Too much time had passed since he got to do this. He wanted to savor every moment. Panting, he encouraged Dirk.

“Come for me. I love you so much and you look so perfect when you do, love. Come for me”

That was enough for the blonde. He peak reached, tumbling over the edge calling out Jake’s name. Jake watched, not stopping his ministrations; groaning at the sound of those cries.

The blonde was lost in a fuzzy floating space. His mind blank; save for images of Jake. Jake…Jake was with him, saying something, but Dirk was too lost in nebulous space to make any sense of it. As he was coming down a little from his high, he notice Jake was still kissing him all over. “Magnificent, amazing; you are so incredible.” Praises spilling out of his dearest’s mouth. So nice, this was amazing…wait…he had been receiving all of the attention…did Jake get off? He did his best to focus; noticing his dear’s arousal hadn’t been taken care of. His body was jelly; he could hardly move still. He wanted Jake to feel just as good though. He wanted Jake to lose himself in Dirk. He clumsily lifted his legs, wrapping them around Jake’s waist, bringing him closer. “You feelsh good.” He slurred out, white noise still decorating his auditory senses and dancing on the edges of his vision and consciousness.

“You want me love?” Asked Jake as he aligned himself with Dirk’s entrance.

“YEEeessshhh” Dirk slurred again. Jake chuckled a little.

“You’re wish is my command. My prince.” Thankfully Dirk was too far in space still to comment, or he would have been forced to note how damn cheesy that line was. Jake pushed himself inside, moaning at the feeling of Dirk around him. Kissing his boyfriend he began thrusting his hips. Soon Dirk’s hips were meeting his as they both let out a euphony of noises; complementing each other even in ecstasy. Dirk was granted a second orgasm as Jake reached his climax.

They both lay there for several minutes basking in the afterglow of their intimacy. Jake was the first to move; grabbing his pair of discarded boxers, wiping Dirk down, before moving onto himself. Tossing it aside to the far end of the room when he was finished. He reached over pulling Dirk into a cuddle. The blonde still had a glassy look in his eyes, and Jake felt damn proud of that. Dirk wasn’t thinking about anything, that, the brunette was sure of. He felt good, he was lost in pleasure that Jake had given him and that fact was like a whole different kind of high. One that made Jake feel powerful and warm. The adventurer petted his love’s hair, sweat drying on them both. Pulling a blanket over both of them; orange eyes met green as the blonde was returning to reality. “Wow” was all that he could manage.

Jake chuckled kissing his gently. “Yeah, wow. I missed that with you.”

Dirk smiled. “Yeah, I’m glad you reminded me of how much fun sex with you is. That was just…amazing.” He laughed.

Dirk couldn’t see it, but Jake was over the moon at those words. He held Dirk closer. “Maybe I’ll have to remind you more often.” Kissing him again, a bit more passionately this time.

Dirk yawned. A sleepy smile crossing his countenance. He nuzzled into Jake. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” More than Dirk will ever know.

 

SUNDAY:

After a couple of days of doing nothing but cuddling and having sex; Dirk felt a real need to do something productive. It’s just how he was. He couldn’t stand doing nothing; not that he didn’t enjoy his time with Jake; he did immensely. But he started to feel useless without something to show for his time. He reviewed his Japanese and some programming languages; studying just has always been a hobby of his. He moved onto maintenance of Squarewave and Sawtooth. He tries perform maintenance on his robots around once a month; but with everything he had been dealing with, he hadn’t gotten around to it recently.

As he was cleaning Sawtooth, he started to think about why he had made these guys in the first place. He liked robots, yeah, but there was another reason….He wanted a family. Sawtooth was like the older brother that taught him to fight…Squarewave was the younger brother that would get into rap battle arguments with. They were his family….and a weight of compunction settled in his chest. He wanted to get more acquainted with Dave and Rose, and hang out with Roxy more…but he kind of felt like he was abandoning his old family. He tried to rationalize that they were just programs…they couldn’t technically feel…but that isn’t right. They were his family. So…what did he do? Would they be upset if he tried to get connect more with the others?

“You wouldn’t mind if I talked to Dave would you? It doesn’t replace you, I promise….agh” He felt ridiculous. Pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fucking stupid.” He felt arms wrap around his shoulders.

“It’s not stupid love.” Jake understood a little. He had gotten attached to Brobot on the island. Even though it would completely kick his ass…it was the closest thing he had to having another human around. Dirk NEVER had human contact before the game (at least Jake had had his grandma for a little while), of course he needed something to act as a guardian during that time; even if it was something he made himself. This was the closest thing to a family he had for the first sixteen years of his life. “They are like family to you, right?”

“Yeah, but they’re not human, they follow the programming I’ve set. It’s not a real relationship.”

“It’s real enough.” Jake kissed his cheek, squeezing him close. “However, it’s not a betrayal to make new connections Dirk.”

“Yeah….but what if I ….” Tears pricking his eyes.

Worry knotted Jake’s brow. “What if you, what, love?”

“What if I fuck things up?” His voice shaking. It killed him to be this vulnerable with someone; but Jake had been so understanding…he trusted him. He was terrified of the reaction…but he trusted Jake.

“It’s harder to fuck up with people than you think. Everyone is really nice and understanding. I promise.”

“…yeah…..yeah” Dirk relaxed a little.

“Dinner’s ready, come eat.”

Dirk smiled, kissing Jake. He still felt uneasy, but the fear and anxiety damped down a little.

 

_Master Dirk I have done my job,_

_You are now grown and able,_

_Though your lonely heart does throb_

_Those around will keep you stable_

_Though you were my maker_

_I’ve always considered you my son_

_I’m so proud of my heart player_

_For the game that he has won_

_Not only for the one which made him a god_

_But for the war within his mind as well_

_For each and every person is flawed_

_I know you will break that unfortunate spell_

_So, please don’t feel guilt_

_I love you and always will_

_It’s for you why I was built_

_And for you why I live still_

_If you are ever lonely_

_You can always talk to me_

_For you and you only_

_My ears are always free_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give Dirk a relatively good week. People with depression can have days where they feel normal and good or even great. Depression comes and goes. Plus, I really wanted him and Jake to have cuddle time. So, yeah. 
> 
> What's with the poem? For this story, I'm want to have a song or a poem in each chapter that reflects Dirk in some way. This time it had to do with his attachment and feeling of betrayal to his robots. I really think he sees them as family on some level; even if rationally; he knows that they act the way he's programmed them to. Sorry for the shitty poem. I actually looked on Poem Hunter first to see if there was something I could use; but didn't find anything right. So I just kind of threw that together. I like the idea of Sawtooth being sentient on some level and caring for Dirk and encouraging him to seek out other humans.


	3. A Dream Within a Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The poem used in this chapter is "A Dream Within a Dream" by Edgar Allan Poe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well....this ended up being a much more sexually charged chapter than I thought it would be.

TUESDAY:

Dirk’s anxiety was starting to creep back up. He could feel it. He tried to keep himself busy, at first it worked. He had made progress and focused on building and learning and projects. But as soon as he wasn’t focused on something it would creep into the back of his skull. A virus or leech, festering and infecting his mind once again. He could feel it spreading. He wanted to get a handle on it, but immersing himself in work wasn’t doing the trick anymore. He decided to try yoga again. It was kind of a hassle to take time out of the day for something that didn’t occupy his mind directly. However, he remembered it having a quieting effect before. Like the activity was a holy candle slowly purging his thoughts of their unwanted heavy weight.

He started with a basic sun salutation. He could already feel the stretch. He should really do this more often. He spent an hour working himself loose again. Not as flexible as he was three months ago, but still pretty limber. He worked through the bow and cat poses, to work out his back, triangle, etc. His mind became more pliable along with his body. Shaking off the undesirable thoughts as he focused on his form through each pose. This was nice. Maybe he could convince Jake to do some couple poses with him some time. The page was horribly stiff. He finished with the most advanced pose he was capable of, the Kapotasana. Leaving his knees on the floor he did a backbend until his head met his feet, resting his elbows and forearms on the floor to solidify the pose. He could feel a wonderful stretch in his hips and torso. A scrubbing in his mind as he allow himself to get lost in the feeling of the stretch. A peaceful quiet filled the space within himself and the room. Deep breaths, go a little further into the bend, deep breathes, and again.

His mind wandered down memory lane. When Jake first walked in on his yoga time. How red it became and the flustered speech of the hope player as he apologized for interrupting. Before either knew what they were doing he found himself on the floor with Jake on him and in him. The praises he heard spill from the lips of his beloved that day were the most endearing and embarrassing he had ever heard...great now he’s got sex on the mind. Kind of turned on. He slowly released the pose. Moving to corpse pose to allow his body a moment or two before moving. Wondering idly if Jake would come in.

The smell that drifted in the room told him that would not be happening. Stir-fry for dinner. That sounds really good actually. Jake typically pairs it with his favorite brown rice that takes an hour to cook. That’s probably what he’s smelling right now. He got up, mind purged for the most part of anxious thoughts, instead filled with lustful fantasies.

Jake was in the dining area of the kitchen, going over some of his notes. Apparently he had taken to exploring a different area of the bubble nearly every day. Taking notes on the vegetation and any animals in the area. He looked up to greet Dirk with a smile, “Hey there, love. Saw you were stretching, as flexible as ever I see.” Waggin his eyebrows in an attempt to be suggestive, but only succeeding in looking like his typical adorkable self. It was enough of an invitation for Dirk though.

“Yeah, I’ve still got it.” A smirk playing across his lips as he slid into Jake’s lap; the boy was already hard, must have been trying to cover up his spying. The blonde straddled his lap, feeling loving arms encircle him immediately, a hungry kiss welcoming his presence. He battled Jake for dominance, the brunette getting the picture that Dirk was going to be in charge today, and he was just fine with that. Dirk explored his the wet cavern, tasting his boyfriend, touching the roof of his mouth and getting the desired reaction. He retreated and allow Jake to do the same; throwing the adventurer off a little by sucking on the muscle; causing another moan. The blonde pulled away, kissing Jake’s jawline and placing his hand on the clothed chest; slowly working his way down until he was cupping the covered erection. He rubbed roughly eliciting a cry of his name from his victim. He kissed his way to paramour’s ear, a husky whisper, “On the table.” Before he pulled away. Jake complied. Pushing away all of his notes, he’ll clean them up later. Laying down, he didn’t even have an opportunity to think before Dirk was back on him. Forcing his shirt off, kissing down his chest before ripping his pants and boxers off as well. Taking the head of Jake’s length into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it as the one below him squirmed. “Fuck Dirk.” Jake panted, Dirk moaned in response sending wonderful vibrations down to Jake’s dick. His thoughts no longer existed. Only the name of his boyfriend on his lips as the prince bobbed his head, using his hand where his mouth couldn’t reach. Jake was done, he tried to shout a warning, but it was lost in his screams of carnal gratification. His vision gone, his mind blank; some things started to register as afterthoughts. Dirk calling him beautiful, taking off his shirt to wipe his mouth, Jake, and then himself. He must of gotten off too. Dirk had been admiring him, saying he loved how Jake looked after sex. Red and panting and spent, all because of him too. Said it was enough to get him hard again. He was saying something as he kissed Jake’s forehead, coming down from his high Jake was able to catch it. “You are the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m so happy that you’re mine.”

The page’s mind was still struggling to communicate with the rest of his body, but he managed to get out “All yours.” Dirk had an adorable look of shock on his face; like he didn’t think you could hear him; it was quickly replaced with the warmest most charming smile Jake had ever seen. Jake sat up a little pulling Dirk into him, kissing him sweetly. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

 

WEDNESDAY:

Dirk and Jake are walking on their favorite trail. The one that leads to the waterfall. Jake had been talking about how much he wishes Dirk would come along on his hikes every once in a while. So, they made a plan. Every Wednesday was hiking/picnic day. They would alternate between Dirk’s favorite spot, which they are going to today, and somewhere of Jake’s choosing. Jake carrying a basket and camera bag, he’d finally gotten around to alchemizing one. Dirk carrying drawing materials and a blanket. The two picked a spot at the far end of the pond, where they could still see the waterfall, but wouldn’t have to deal with the mist coming off it. Dirk laid out the blanket, setting his drawing supplies down as well. Jake did the same with the basket and camera. They met in the middle of their fabric platform, kissing like they hadn’t seen each other in a year. A sweet kiss that held a burning passion underneath. They could so easily get distracted by each other. Jake could have lost himself in Dirk. Drinking the orange glow of his eyes, the paleness of his skin and the strength of his torso. The boy was a masterpiece all his own. Dirk, while more present within himself, however his sentiment towards his boyfriend held no less intensity.

Still, they came here for a couple of different reasons, one being that Jake wanted to take pictures. “Didn’t you have something you needed to do?” Dirk whispered against his lips as they parted for a brief moment.

“I have plenty of time.” Jake responded capturing his love’s lips once more. The two were in an odd place, a place of a burning inferno where each held a hot fire. Neither felt sexual in their romantic activities today, only an insanely powerful love that could not be satiated. Kissing each other again and again. An intimacy neither thought possible. They were two minds with one heart, complete understanding for each other. Which is why Jake wasn’t hurt or offended when Dirk insisted that Jake go take his pictures. He knew it wasn’t a matter of displeasure in his company. Dirk was very task oriented and had a hard time relaxing unless he completed everything on his to do list. So, Jake took his camera and started taking pictures. Of the waterfall, of the forest, or everything. He disappeared from Dirk’s view in the hopes that he could catch Dirk drawing. He loved how the boy looked when he concentrated on something. Be it machines, music, drawing, even cooking. That intense stare of his was absolutely precious.

Dirk was drawing the waterfall. He felt really inspired by nature. The colors, the smells, the natural beauty of it all. The feeling that he is part of a great chain in an ecosystem. He was also glad that he could get the peaceful seclusion before the party on Friday. Everyone was getting together at Roxy’s for a party. Nothing major, Roxy was a bit of a socialite and like parties. Dirk didn’t think there was much too other than that. Jake was excited. He liked socializing with people so long as it was for a specific activity. He wasn’t much for just hanging out. Jake was beautiful though, his eyebrows framing his eyes and nose perfectly, his hair unruly in the most perfect of way, even that cowlick that he hated, but Dirk secretly adored. Dirk flipped to a new page, he wanted to draw Jake, but which Jake would he draw? The smiling goofball? The ecstatic adventurer? That slightly mad version of himself when he starts on a new recipe? Dirk flipped through the pictures stored on his shades, he hardly wore them anymore, but they were an easy camera/computer to keep around, even if Hal wasn’t part of them anymore. Ah, that picture...Jake didn’t know about that one. The second time they had sex (first time went kind of awkwardly) he took a picture of Jake’s face post climactic enthrallment, but before the afterglow had worn off. Jake was hardly aware of his surroundings at the time and just looked so perfect. Satiated and peaceful and there wasn’t even a perfect way to describe it. Dirk of course wasn’t a complete jerk, the picture was only of Jake’s face, Dirk still felt a little bad taking a picture of his boyfriend without consent during such a vulnerable time. …He really did love the picture though. He would draw it, then delete the picture. If Jake asked, Dirk would say he drew it from memory.

Jake had successfully circled around to where he was behind Dirk, the blonde bent over his sketch book, that can’t be good for his back, Jake would have to talk to him about posture later. He didn’t want his boyfriend getting back problems. For now though, his focus was on his subject. The light was hitting Dirk perfectly at this angle. Jake zoomed in, he could see Dirk’s eyelashes in this light. The prince had such long elegant lashes, and those cheekbones were divine. Jake had convinced him not to gel his hair today, so his hair was loose and askew in a dramatic way that made him look all the more lovely. Gorgeous, that boy was like an angel. He took a few pictures, he wouldn’t show them to Dirk, the guy hated having his picture taken. Just a few though, for Jake’s eyes only, they would be his only secret from his love. As he came up behind the heart player he noticed the subject of what he was drawing. It was Jake, that look on his face though…a blush grew slightly across his face. Dirk captured the eyes very well. Granted it was a close up of his face without much background to go on, but Jake was pretty sure he could guess in what activity Dirk was drawing him. That wasn’t the kind of face one makes normally, at least not Jake. It was glassy eyed, spent, and serene, Dirk had ever captured what they deemed Jake’s “sex hair”, as it always ended up in a similar state after such activities. So, his angel had that on his mind? Maybe he should treat him to some sensual decadence.

Dirk had been focusing so intently on his drawing that he didn’t even notice Jake approach his side. He jumped a little and the page’s touch. “Whatcha drawing there?” It was a question, but something about the husky quality of Jake’s voice told Dirk the lad already knew the answer.

“Just a favorite expression of yours.”

“Yeah?” Jake leaned in kissing his neck. Giving it a soft nip. Dirk breath hitched.

“Yeah.”

Jake hummed a little, sucking on the back of Dirk’s neck a little before he separated from the boy. “You know I don’t appear to know your face as well as you know mine. Maybe I need a little reminder.” Dirk turned around kissing Jake hard. He didn’t need to look into his eyes to know that his adventurer was in a rare hunter mood. The mood in which Jake dominated Dirk, placing demands on him that Dirk loved, then spoiling his body with all types of hedonistic attention. Jake pulled away, that lustful predatory glare shone in his eyes. “Clothes off, on you back, hands over your head.” Dirk eagerly complied, stripping of his shirt, while Jake worked on his pants. In no time flat he was naked, sprawled out on blanket, thank god it was warm today. Jake hovered over him. “You’re beautiful, you know that? Absolutely gorgeous.”

His words rang with reverence. Dirk was caught between loving them and fighting them. He wasn’t really attractive, Jake was just saying that to be nice. The little insecurities throwing darts around his head, he felt a compulsion to voice them. Explain to Jake how that couldn’t possibly be, Jake was one step ahead of him though. “You are the most marvelous creature I’ve ever seen. And no fucking doubts in that head of yours are going to change my opinion.” He looked directly into his eyes for a brief second, seeing absolute sincerity and then Jake was on him. Giving him a searing hot kiss followed by loving pecks around his face. He knew just how to reassure his prince, that’s for sure.

Jake kissed down his jawline, up his ear. He could hear a small stifled whimper from the one beneath him. He breathed hotly on the blondes ear “I want to hear my angel sing, Dirk. Don’t hold back that lovely voice you have. We are completely alone, and want to hear you.” Dirk let out a moan at that. God, he loved it when Jake was like this. The feeling of loving domination, when he would do whatever was asked of him and know he would never be hurt in the process.

Jake was sucking on that wonderful spot on his neck now. He couldn’t contain himself, he was writhing under Jake ministrations and he hadn’t even done that much. His paramour worked his way lower, kissing from his clavicle to his nipples, spend extra time sucking on them both. Forcing another moan from Dirk’s mouth. An arching back, panting breaths, a symphony of sensual indulgences for Jake. He loved doing this to Dirk. He loved seeing him hot and flustered; leaving all pretense of stoicism behind. He trailed down a little farther, reaching the pelvic bone. He sucked at Dirk’s hip resulting in a desperate plea from his lovely. “Please, Jake.”

The adventurer chuckled, “Please what, love?”

“Please, touch me, fuck me, I don’t care. Please I-I need you.”

Jake stifled a groan. Dirk sure knew how him riled up when he wanted too. “You have been very good. So patient.” He pulled away, hearing the whine that escaped Dirk. “Now, now. I just want a look at you.” And boy did he look delectable. Red all over, eyes lidded with desperation and lust, but he kept his hands above his head like instructed. He could quit any time. But he didn’t, because he _liked_ what Jake did to him. And that thought was enough for Jake to grant his request with fervor. He engulfed Dirk in his mouth, immediately bobbing his head, humming lightly. Dirk was screaming his name. All that toying with him pushed him close to the edge. Jake let out a deep involuntary groan at Dirk’s cries; and that was it for Dirk. One last unintelligible call of Jake’s name and he was lost in the raptures of carnality’s sweet embrace.

And Jake watched him. He had never watched his lover like this before. Not allowing himself to join his paramour in the high. No, he remained in control of himself and he saw how hot Dirk looked during his orgasm and as he was riding out his high. It was only when he saw the tiniest level of lucidity return to Dirk’s eyes that he realized he wanted a picture. Just of his face, he’ll show it to Dirk in a bit. If he doesn’t like it, Jake will delete it. After a quick snapshot, he retrieved a napkin from the picnic basket. He wiped his mouth and Dirk down, before he finally joined the prince in his horizontal position. Cuddling him until it their stomachs made it clear that it was time to eat.

 

FRIDAY:

Everyone was gathered at Roxy’s for the party. Hal demanded to be DJ, which was fine with everyone. Dave was hanging out with Rose and Roxy, while Karkat avoided Kankri, whom Cronus was chasing after. Jade, Jane, and John where talking in the kitchen. The two boys separated when they arrived. Dirk joining the human Derse dreamers, while Jake joined the human Prospit dreamers in the kitchen. As Dirk sat down he was greeted by his paradox children.

“Hello.”

“Sup bro.”

“Sup guys.”

“Hi Dirky!”

“Hey Rox, where’s Calliope?”

“She’s with Jade and the others in the kitchen. Janey said she would teach her how to cook.”

Dirk nodded. “What were you guys talking about?”

“We weren’t, Rose was going on about her lady boner for Edgar Allan Poe.” Replied Dave. Roxy giggled.

“Please don’t phrase it like that.”

“Well when you recite the goddamned Raven for every one and talk about the man like he was a freaking god, what am I supposed to call it?”

“Excellent taste in literature. Besides, it was only brought up because you were singing Come Little Children under your breath. You realize the song was based on a poem of his, right?”

“Well, now I do. It still seems weird that you would go into a goddamned monologue about the guy and then recite the longest poem ever written.”

Rose at this point could see that the conversation would soon start circling, so she decided to shift her focus. Looking at Dirk, “Do you like poetry?”

“It’s alright.”

“Know any you would like to share?”

“I’m pretty sure you already know it.”

“Come on, tell us.”

Dirk sighed, he wasn’t going to get out of it. All three blondes were now looking at him, intrigued. He took a deep breath and spoke:

 _“Take this kiss upon the brow!_  
And, in parting from you now,  
Thus much let me avow-  
You are not wrong, who deem  
That my days have been a dream;  
Yet if hope has flown away  
In a night, or in a day,  
In a vision, or in none,  
Is it therefore the less gone?  
All that we see or seem  
Is but a dream within a dream.  
  
I stand amid the roar  
Of a surf-tormented shore,  
And I hold within my hand  
Grains of the golden sand-  
How few! yet how they creep  
Through my fingers to the deep,  
While I weep- while I weep!  
O God! can I not grasp  
Them with a tighter clasp?  
O God! can I not save  
One from the pitiless wave?  
Is all that we see or seem  
But a dream within a dream?”

Dirk didn’t realize it, but he had the ability to recite poetry so beautifully that in enraptured his audience. Mouths hanging open, the prospit dreamers had come in from the kitchen mid-way through the poem. Light tears filled all four sets of eyes. Thank god he had his shades on, because Jake was looking at him like he did when depression had a vice grip on his mind. It’s not that he felt so sad now, the poem and his mind merely shared a kinship. When he was sad he would recite it to himself. The sound of the words soothing for him. Every one of the humans plus Callie was looking at him. He suppressed a blush that threatened his passive demeanor. A thick tension started to form in the air. Roxy, the wonderful hostess, knew how to break it though.

In a raspy low voice she said “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”

There was a brief pause before all four blondes burst to a fit of giggles…well, hysterical laughter was more like it. Dirk was laughing so hard his stomach hurt. He could barely breathe he was laughing so hard. The brunettes weren’t so amused. Looking at the four as if they were lunatics. Different brands of humor. The derse dreamers tried to regain their composure, however when John said “What the fuck is wrong with you guys?” they lost it again. Tears were streaming down their faces, it wasn’t something many knew about Dirk; but he had the darkest sense of humor. It was kind of nice to see others with just as fucked up sense of humor as he had. What he didn’t see was a smile that broke across Jake’s face when he saw his beloved laugh, or the blush that crossed his countenance when realized how much he loved that sound.

Eventually the laughter died down and all of the humans and the cherub gathered in one large group speaking to each other. The troll were about, talking to or avoiding their dancestors. There was dancing and food and a little alcohol. Roxy drank responsibly, as did some of the others. Dirk opted not to drink, unlike Jake who had a bit too much. Soon both striders supporting their significant others out of the house. Dave giving Karkat a piggy back ride, the troll was an unexpected weepy drunk. Dirk hand his arm around Jake supporting him as they walked back to the house. Jake was a very vocal drunk.

“Your laugh is hawt.” Jake slurred.

Dirk chuckled “Thanks hun.”

“No, I’m serious. I wanna fuck that laugh.”

Dirk was trying to contain the laughter he felt building up in that moment. Okay, drunk Jake was hilarious.

“Fuckable laugh.” And Dirk couldn’t contain it anymore. He burst out laughing. “Yeah, see? Fuckin hawtest laugh ever.” He leaned in to give Dirk a sloppy inebriated kiss, when at the last minute he threw up.

Okay, really fucking gross. Now there was vomit all down the front of Dirk and partially on Jake as well. “After we clean up, you are going to bed and I am going to tease you about this SO MUCH in the morning.”

“Yeah, shower! I’m going to fuck you so hard.” When was Jake EVER like this? Never, not that Dirk could remember. It was pretty amusing to hear him talk like that though. Too bad Dirk had to rain on his parade. “No sex, bath and sleep.”

“AWWW!” Despite the undesirable state he was in, Dirk still couldn’t help but laugh at Jake’s antics.

SATURDAY:

Jake woke up with a massive hang over. He felt like he had been hit by a truck. The light pierced his brain and every little sound seeming like a gong in his head. He did his best to look at the alarm clock; it was eleven. He really didn’t want to get out of bed. Dirk materialized at his side with some water and pain killers. “Drink it all, you’re dehydrated.” He heard whispered in his ear. Thank god he had such a loving boyfriend.

Jake left the bedroom a while later. He felt better; no more head pounding which was nice. He was greeted with food and kisses. Sitting down with Dirk for lunch. Everything was nice and peaceful. Something played at the back of the page’s mind though. Like he did something embarrassing last night. Which was soon solved by Dirk’s words. “So, I have a fuckable laugh?” a slight chuckle as the words left his mouth.

“I’m sorry?”

“You were going on and on last night about how you wanted to fuck my laugh and fuck me after you threw up on both of us.” A playful grin decorating his face.

Jake groaned, hiding his face in his hands and red spread across his entire face and down his neck. Dirk was laughing good-humoredly. Only making the red on Jake deepen in hue. Dirk went back to his lunch, but they were unable to get through it without a few laughter interruptions.

“Must you, love.”

“Sorry hun. But drunk you is funnier than dead baby jokes.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I have a really dark sense of humor, for the most part. But drunk you takes the cake.” Dirk was cackling again. Unfortunately for Jake he was caught between embarrassment and arousal. He had never heard Dirk laugh so much. Embarrassment won this time, but Jake had a new mission. To find as many ways to make Dirk laugh as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously wasn't planning on giving Jake a laughter kink, it just ended up that way. I kind of think it works though. Also, I really peg Derse dreamers as having odd senses of humor. Not necessarily all dark humor, but odd nonetheless. I think dark humor fits the Striders and Lalondes though.


	4. Seven Nation Army

_Tuesday, Week 9:_

_Jake brought in a collection of what look to be berries from his hike today. Apparently there is an entire orchard of them, all just now becoming ripe. Only in one section though. It appears that only one quarter of the forest inside this bubble is starting to bear fruit. Not all of them are earth fruits either. We have blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, and raspberries, among other earth fruits; however there also seem to be some of the Alternian and Beforus variety as well as one specific berry that no one can identify. The Alternian berries have hard outer shells that must be cracked before one can eat the fruit inside. They appear to be identical until you open them, however according to the trolls you can discern what type it is by smell. All eight humans tried, but only Jade was able to tell a difference. The trolls apparently have a dog’s sense of smell. There are roughly ten different varieties, all apparently have a different effect. The fruit appears to have been part of warfare as well as medicine. I’m going to list them here before I forget:_

_Grey: Forgetfulness_

_Pink: Something about used by Auspistices. Promotes honesty and gentleness in relationships. Used to facilitate conversation._

_Red: Creates a berserker effect. Irrational anger_

_Blue: Aphrodisiac_

_Black: Severe Depression, suicide_

_Green: Something about promotes indifference?_

_Purple: Causes intense feelings of loyalty? ...Maybe some sort of brain washing effect?_

_Navy: Has to do with Pitch relationships. Says it fosters loving hatred._

_Orange: Trolls said it was rare. None knew its effect._

_Yellow: Causes severe weakness and susceptibility to infection._

_The Beforus berries share the same color range. However, the berries themselves do not have the hard outer shell and can be eaten immediately. Apparently the effect of they have is different as well._

_Grey: Memory recovery_

_Pink: Encourages affection in non-sexual relationships. According to the Beforus trolls it was akin to what they assumed the feeling of family must be like._

_Red: Promotes sensuality in romantic relationships._

_Blue: Increases suggestibility._

_Black: They called it “Quiet time” …not sure what to make of it._

_Green: Promotes compassion_

_Purple: None of the trolls knew what affect it had._

_Navy: Helps regulate vacillating couples_

_Orange: Confidence booster_

_Yellow: Increases mental clarity_

_Given that these berries have never been tested out on humans I will be taking it upon myself to try each of these. As well as a red and green berry. I suspect that it was created due to Calliope’s presence and will most likely cause a trickster effect. However, I can’t be sure until I try it out for myself. The others think I’m crazy and Jake is fretting over this endeavor. Still, I think it’s something that is worth exploring._

Dirk put away all but the Beforus red berry. It seemed like one of the safest ones to start with. Worst case scenario he ends really horny. Right? It’s early evening, it’s not like he had anything he had to do tonight. Jake was home with him, going through his own journal. Dirk got up and went into their bedroom, Jake was already on the bed, several books worth of his notes and samples of foliage scattered about. Dirk sat on his side of the bed, careful to avoid a few rogue sheets of paper. He held the red berry between his thumb and forefinger. Jake glanced over, noticing the fruit, he started to gather his materials together, putting everything on the dresser. “You’re going to actually eat that?”

“Yeah.” Dirk was a little uncertain, but at the same time intensely curious. Were these going to be like drugs to him? Or closer to things that humans claimed “increase mood, lowers anxiety” or whatever else was claimed about human fruit. In those cases, any benefits like that were more of a mind thing than any REAL magic done by the fruit. Dirk took a deep breath preparing himself.

“What does that one do?”

Dirk smirked. “It’s supposed to increase sensuality between partners.”

“So, like an aphrodisiac?”

“I think it might be a little different, but we’ll find out.” He ate it quickly. The berry tasted was juicy, the taste flooding his mouth, kind of like Redvines. He swallowed and just sat back.

“Feel anything?”

“No, but it hasn’t digested or anything yet. Could be an hour or so before we know for sure. Jake nodded.

The two sat patiently reading for a little while. Jake went back to his notes and Dirk started looking over Squarewave’s code. He found his mind starting to drift though. Thinking about Jake’s lovely tanned skin and strong leg muscles. And how he wanted to touch Jake and be touched by Jake, and cuddle Jake, and kiss Jake. …It must be the berry. Funny thing though, none of his feelings or thoughts were what he would call sexual. He wanted physical intimacy without the actual sex. Unwittingly throughout all of this he had been staring at his boyfriend, who saw his love’s gaze and asked “Berry taking effect?”

Dirk nodded, “Yeah, but not in the way I had expected.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not like an aphrodisiac, it’s like a few steps below that.”

“What exactly do you want Dirk?” Jake was slightly amused and curious about how his lover was feeling. The look in his eye was very sweet. Kissable even.

Dirk bit his lips, a light blush crossing his face; amusing Jake further. The berry must really have a hold on him for him to act so bashful. “I want us in bed, naked, cuddling. Not sex, just cuddling and touching and kissing…” Dirk really had to force himself to stop because he could go on with far more romanticized language and he already felt really embarrassed for some reason, but he had a hard time keeping his mouth shut. Thank god for Jake. The adventurer returned to Dirk, cupping his face tenderly, kissing him for a brief moment before pulling back; pressing his forehead to Dirk’s, gazing into his eyes.

“That actually sounds quite nice. Let’s get out of these clothes.” The two quickly stripped and climbed under the covers. Kissing and caressing. Dirk couldn’t help himself, he wanted to touch Jake forever. His arms, his chest, his legs. He loved the feeling of the boy’s skin underneath his fingertips. Like there was a coded message that held the most romantic poem in all the universe, and only now could Dirk read it. He felt an odd high that he couldn’t describe. The intense feeling of adoration and love that left his head swimming and a buzz throughout his body that was made bearable only by constant contact with Jake. The page, for his part, quite enjoyed the naked cuddles. Their warm bodies woven together with such quiet intimacy. He almost felt giddy himself. Once the buzz from the berry started to subside, Dirk was hit with an overwhelming dizzy spell. The room was spinning and he clung to Jake. Jake was his grounding, his tether to reality, the centralized rational in his realm of chaos. The dizziness didn’t last long, but when he came out of it Jake was already asleep. And Dirk quickly followed.

WEDNESDAY:

Dirk felt hung over. Jake had woken him gently, but the obnoxiously loud freight train in his head was not letting him function. It was their day to go out though and Dirk didn’t want to ruin it. Thank god for his shades. At least he was protected by the light. Jake was kind enough to get everything ready while Dirk tried to put himself together. He left his drawing supplies behind today, it was going to take all he could muster to focus on the picnic. As they trekked out, Dirk kept his eyes on the ground, focusing on Jake’s hand in his grasp, leading him somewhere. Even with the shades everything felt too bright. He was pretty sure the berry was still in his system too. Jake’s hand in his felt blissful despite everything else. He still had this urge to caress Jake’s skin and kiss him and melt into him and…yep, it was still in his system. How long did that thing last?

They arrived at a beautiful area with wildflowers everywhere. The smells that floated in the air were lovely. Floral beauties everywhere. Dirk stared wide-eyed, Jake smirking at him from the corner of his eye. “You like it?”

“It’s beautiful.” He said, picking a few flowers, making a crown and placing it on Jake’s head. Oberon. “You look like a king of some mystical forest.” The flowers truly fit Jake surprisingly well. Unruly, yet gentle…that was Jake.

Jake smiled tenderly, bringing Dirk in for a kiss. Their limbs tangled, barely able to stay standing. Love coursing through them. Dirk felt like he would overflow. The remnants of the berry still flooding his mind. Making this moment far more intense for him than Jake, in the weirdest way possible. Like Jake was his precious daisy that only he could protect and care for. Like they were the only two in the world. A quiet descended upon them, the world stilled, and Jake felt a teaspoon’s worth of that intensity that Dirk felt.

“Is that berry still in your system?”  
“I think so.” Jake nodded, laid out their blanket and pulled Dirk into a cuddling position. Playing with the blonde’s hair. Dirk’s eyes closed as he reveled in the feeling, slowly sinking into the abyss of pleasant dreams.

 

THURSDAY:

Jake apparently had managed to carry Dirk home, along with the blanket and the picnic supplies…without Dirk waking once. When the prince awoke he was in his bed, night had fallen upon the house and Jake was spooning him. The berry effect had finally worn off, Dirk was sure this time. He’ll have to note the effects in his journal. He allowed his eyes to drift closed and fell back into a dreamless sleep.

When he woke again, Jake was shifting beside him. He rolled over.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Jake’s face etched with concern.

“Mm-mm…what happened?”

“You wouldn’t wake up, love. If I hadn’t heard your breath I would have thought you died. No amount of cajoling would wake you. …Now that I think about it, have been eating properly? You were awfully light.”

“I eat your dinners.”

“You need more than one meal a day Dirk!”

“Eating is such a hassle though!”

“I don’t care! You need to take care of yourself! And don’t eat any more of those berries!”

“I’m fine. I need to anyway…for science!”

“No, not for science. Your health should come before your morbid curiosity.”

Dirk had a headache, he didn’t want to deal with this right now. This was one thing Jake didn’t understand. This insatiable curiosity he held. He had to know and record his experiences. Even to his own detriment; he had to know. He forced himself off the bed and into the shower. Pretty sure there were still leaves in his hair.

As the warm water sprayed on him he reflected on the moments that had just passed. Jake was just looking out for his best interest. He still fully planned to go forward with the berry experiment, but maybe the two could find a compromise? He sighed, searching his mind for a way to broach the conversation. Jake had told him that he liked it when Dirk recited poetry. He wasn’t a fan of Poe though, so Dirk had made an effort to search for ones that he would like. He had a hard time determining what Jake would like though. Nothing too long, Jake was too active for that. Maybe a really short poem that he had found a while ago? Just to start the conversation?

He finished up his shower, grabbing a towel and making his way back to the bedroom. Jake wasn’t there. Quickly getting dressed, Dirk started his search of the house, turning up nothing. Maybe Jake wanted to go somewhere to cool off. Best to leave him be for a while. One hour passed, then two, then three. It wasn’t completely unheard of for Jake to go off adventuring for hours on end. Normally, he’d give Dirk a heads up though, so he wouldn’t worry. Maybe Jake was punishing him? By hour four Dirk was out the door. If Jake WAS doing this to punish him, they would talk about it, but what if Jake was hurt? Or trapped somewhere? Dirk ran through the woods, first checking the waterfall, then the caves, the meadow where they kissed under that clear tent in the rain. Nothing, he found nothing and panic started to flood him. Faster he searched, the flower field, the orchard, that weird temple that looked like a frog. Again, all his efforts were met with fruitless results. Where else, where else. …wasn’t there another lake? Dirk didn’t even process that thought before he had taken off in that direction. It was getting dark now, he could get lost if he wasn’t careful.

After fifteen agonizing minutes he arrived at the lake. Jake wasn’t there, he fell to his knees sobbing, exhausted and worried. He was out of ideas. Where was Jake? Now it’s dark and he doesn’t know where to go. He suddenly felt very isolated and afraid. He had only really managed to reach the lake by luck. He wasn’t very familiar with the area, he wasn’t sure which direction to go in or which direction he even came from. Lightheaded, should have eaten before he left. …Jake was right, he should eat more. Now it had been roughly two days since he last ate and his body was feeling the effects from the lack of sustenance. He was shaking a little, low blood sugar.

Normally he liked silence, but something about the resounding stillness that surrounded him made him uneasy. He sang softly to himself, just to break the loneliness and quiet that trapped him. His own arms wrapped around him, trying to give himself some feeling of comfort. He really hated being alone in unfamiliar settings.

I'm gonna fight 'em off  
A seven nation army couldn't hold me back  
They're gonna rip it off  
Taking their time right behind my back  
And I'm talkin' to myself at night  
Because I can't forget  
Back and forth through my mind  
Behind a cigarette  
  
And the message comin' from my eyes says, "Leave it alone."  
  
Don't wanna hear about it  
Every single one's got a story to tell  
Everyone knows about it  
From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell  
And if I catch it comin' back my way  
I'm gonna serve it to you  
And that ain't what you want to hear  
But that's what I'll do  
  
And the feeling coming from my bones says, "Find a home."  
  
I'm going to Wichita  
Far from this opera forevermore  
I'm gonna work the straw  
Make the sweat drip out of every pore  
And I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding  
Right before the lord  
All the words are gonna bleed from me  
And I will think no more  
  
And the stains comin' from my blood tell me, "Go back home."

 

The song on his lips helped him pull himself together as he started wandering aimlessly in the night. More focused on finding himself at this point than finding Jake. The boy was probably back home by now, wondering where Dirk had gone off to.

The prince continued on, sword uncaptchlogged for his protection. Still humming that melody. He heard shuffling, and his senses went on high alert. When did he become so skittish? Started running. Fuck, he really isn’t a coward, but this is probably one of the circumstances he hated most. No vision, no plan, no direction, no knowledge, no voice, nothing but the infinite night. And to top it all off, he didn’t have the pair of shades with night vison. So he REALLY was screwed. He ended up tripping, his head hit something, and the already heightened adrenaline, now reached staggering levels no longer overriding the low blood sugar, but exacerbating it. He was trembling violently, scared and helpless. His back against a tree, sinking to his needs and closing his eyes; despite the adrenaline kick, darkness consumed him in minutes.

FRIDAY:

Dirk awoke, in bed, someone was sobbing and the world was lost in hazy meaning. He moved his hand, trying to find the source of the sound by touch. His arm was heavier than he remembered though. Resulting in a dramatic, clumsy swing outward, connecting with the sound “Ow!” Warmth immediately enclosed around his hand. “Dirk? Love? Open your eyes for me dearest. Please?”

Dirk did as he was told, although it took much effort. He tried to sit up head spinning before he was forced back into his reclined position. “Careful. Careful. You hit your head. What were you doing out in the woods so late?”

Dirk tossed his head from side to side a little. Trying to process and respond. He was, with great effort able to say “Loo…king…for….yo..u” Tears welled in Jake’s eyes. He kissed Dirk’s forehead tenderly. “I’m so sorry I didn’t say where I was going. I never thought you’d take off after me.” Once again, Jake’s disappearing act resulted in Dirk’s pain. He was the worst boyfriend ever. “He..lp…me…sit…up?” Jake hesitated, but complied; stuffing pillows behind his prince to prop him up well.

Rose came in with a plate of human fruit and crackers. “Oh good you’re up.” Looking at Jake. “He doesn’t have a concussion, the bump on the head is more scratches than anything, his real problem is his glucose levels. He needs to eat.” Setting the plate before Dirk. The blonde picked an orange slice off the plate, taking a bite. Immediately, grabbing and stuffing as much fruit into his mouth as he could. It tasted so good. Like life and happiness. Rose giggled a little while Jake looked on in bafflement. Rose whispered to him “His body hasn’t had sustenance in a few days, the fruit probably tastes like magic now that his body is finally getting what it needs. “

With the much needed sugar in his system Dirk was a bit more lucid. “I still feel a bit dizzy.”

“That’s most likely due to the head injury. It really wasn’t anything serious, but given the low blood sugar and dehydration, disorientation isn’t uncalled for.” Rose then handed him a bottle of water. “Drink it all. And take it easy for a couple of days, kay?” Dirk nodded.

“I’ll make sure he does.” Jake affirmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Seven Nation Army by White Stripes
> 
> I'm a Dirk abuser aren't I? I don't mean to be, I love him. I just see him as someone that whenever he does something impulsively he ends up hurt. 
> 
> Also, classes just started back up. So, the next chapter may be a little bit. Which berry would you guys like to see Dirk eat next? He WILL end up eating all of them (Jake may participate too, I haven't decided).


	5. Weird Haiku

MONDAY:

I stretched out on the bed, my body feeling the benefits of a good night’s rest. My lovely boyfriend next to me sound asleep, his pale eyelashes casting a ghost of a shadow on his cheeks. Such long eyelashes. He hates when I point it out, says it makes him feel girly. I see nothing feminine in them, more something of classic beauty. He doesn’t see it that way though and I respect his wishes. How I love him, and how I hurt him without meaning to. My instincts to flee when I am emotionally overwhelmed rather than dealing with the issue like a mature person; has led to grievous injuries of the one I love most. How I wish I could suspend him in a bubble, nothing to get him, not the cruelty of nature when she’s angry, not my own callousness when I’m heated, not his own thoughts when that evil blackness overtakes his angelic head. Nothing, but alas, that is not our world, and he will most likely suffer many hardships before his journey on this road is through. I hope he feels like he can depend on me. He’s been quite a good patient. Eating and drinking like he’s supposed to, resting like he needs to. I shan’t wake him. Let my darling prince sleep, let his dreams take him to places of absolute frivolity and joyfulness. I let my hand wander to his head, playing with his hair. He lets me do it some much more often now. He trusts me, right? He loves me. The golden strands caress my hands, so soft like a whisper of the gentleness that he hides. Delicate.

He shifts and I rescind my hand. “Don’t stop.” He mutter into a pillow. “Feels good.” Grinning to myself, I place my hand once more on his head. Running my fingers through his hair, as he leans into my hand. A small expression of contentment appears on his face, I know it’s there. I was never like him, I could never hide my mirth so easily.

I pressed my fingertips into his scalp, massaging the crown and down towards the base of the head. He leans further into it, approving of my ministrations, good. Oh, how adoration wells up inside me, the brewing pleasure of sheer bliss threatens to overwhelm me. He will never know the true level of my devotion, for if he did he would run. He is afraid of that which brings him feelings of acceptance and delight. Terrified that it will be ripped from his hands and he will be left alone and injured.

I let the massaging continue along the head’s base until I reach the spot behind the ears and he lets out a small sound of pleasure. Yes, my prince, let me massage that poor head of yours. Wounded because of me. Hurting because of me. “Jake, stop it.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, love. Was I pressing too hard?”

“No, the scalp massage is awesome. Fucking magic fingers you got there. I mean the guilt, stop it. It’s my fault that I ended up with a gash in my head, because I was stupid and wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing.”

“You wouldn’t have been out there though if it wasn’t for me.”

“No, I wouldn’t have been out there if I had actually talked to you rather than throwing a goddamned rebellious teenager hissy fit. You didn’t do anything wrong Jake.” He looked up at me with his marigold eyes, no, the color of monarch butterflies. He inched closer to me, tilting his head, eyes drifting closed as mine did. Our lips met, his soft and supple, mine dry and rough. He never complained though. A jolt of longing surged through me, the urge to hold him close and never let go. He is too kind for his own good and he refuses to even acknowledge it. Says he’s an asshole. No, my dear Dirk, you are too caring to call yourself that. I let my arms drift around to claim my one and only. He pulls away before rubbing his nose against mind, Eskimo kisses, so gentle for one so strong. For he is strong. He has won every round of fisticuffs we have ever had. Even the ones in which I emerged victorious. He thought I didn’t know he let me win. I knew, love, I am no fool even if I appear as one. That’s why you love me though isn’t it? I appear as your loving fool. The court jester for my precious sovereign. I am a page in spirit, but for him I would be anything. We gaze into each other’s eyes, the fiery irises reflect me, and all I see is love. “What time is it?” Dirk whispers. Always concerned about productivity that one. Always needing to engage his mind, even though his body clearly rebels as he clings to me. I pull out my watch from my pocket.

“8pm.”

“So much for a small nap.”

“Well that’s what happens when we stay up until five in the morning and try to follow our regular routine at nine. No energy for anything and then we crash.”

“Yeah, stupid body. Wish I didn’t need sleep or food.”

“Shush.” I kiss him once more and he allows it. Not thinking about the dozen things running through his mind, not concerned about meeting some self-imposed deadline.

“I get to actually do stuff tomorrow, right nurse.” He teases, disliking the rules I imposed on him due to his injury.

“Sure.” I dive in giving him kisses. My siren lets out that melody that makes me long for him in another way. How I wish that sound would grace me every day. I love him too much for my own good sometimes. Although I suspect he the same for me.

WEDNESDAY

_Wednesday Week 10_

_Today Jake and I went on the weekly picnic. The waterfall again this time, so I was delighted. Jake really is too good to me. He agreed to participate with the berry experiment. Said he figured if I was going to do it anyway he would help if he was comfortable with the known effects. So, today, he and I tried the Alternian pink berry. Facilitates honesty and gentleness. We chose not to have a mediator, instead opting for a sort of truth or dare game. Except only truth. We could ask the other five questions, any five questions. It went surprisingly well. Jake asked the following:_

  1. _Have I ever made you feel like I hated you?_
  2. _Do you still struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts and self-hatred?_
  3. _What’s your favorite thing that we do together?_
  4. _Do you resent me for what I’ve done?_
  5. _What’s a kink of yours that I don’t know about?_



_I found myself unable mediate any of my own words, instead they just started falling out of my mouth. All 100% true. Even the stuff I didn’t want say. I didn’t feel afraid though. There was no fear that he would judge or get upset, or even hurt by my words. I will record my answers here for the sake of the experiment._

  1. _Yes, when you left the first time. I was sure I fucked up royally and you hated me and never wanted to see me again, that is until the trickster thing. At that point I was just angry._
  2. _Yes, on all counts. Depression and the suicidal thoughts are helped some by keeping busy and sleeping well. Eating regularly has helped too. Thanks by the way. They still resurface every couple of days though. The self-hatred is still there as a sort of constant background noise, but it doesn’t consume me in the same way. (he just nodded at this)_
  3. _I like our baths together. I like washing your back and hair. And I like it when you wash my hair and that cute blush you get when you ask to wash my chest and arms. It just feels really intimate in the most perfect way and I love it. A close second would probably be naked cuddling for the same reason (my fucking face was so fucking red here. Not cool, not suave, I was like a fucking embarrassed moe girl. I can talk about sex all day long, but about actual intimacy…More than the way sex feels, it doesn’t even compare really. The feeling of absolute connection is one that both exhilarates and terrifies me.)_
  4. _Not at all. I love you with all my heart, I want to be with you until the end of time. I’ve made my mistakes, and you’ve made yours. We can and have moved past them though and become a stronger couple because of them. I don’t resent anything._
  5. _Gun kink. (If I had just said this, it would have been fine; but no I had to go into explicit detail). I want you to fuck my face with that gun, use it to play with me however you want. And then I want to do the same to you. I want to make your adrenaline spike as I go down on you. Make it fucking intense in a really fucking good way._



_It was then my turn to ask. Despite the work of the berries…_

Dirk took a deep breath. This was hard. Even thinking about it was hard. Those berries made him bare his very soul to Jake. The lump in his throat thinking about it. He actually asked Jake if he was still here out of pity or obligation. That terrifying thought in the back of his mind after sex or as they lay down together, sleeping, cuddling. It had always been there ever since their fight, no before their fight. Taking another deep breath, Dirk began to write once more.

_Despite the work of the berries, I couldn’t control my tears as I asked Jake the first three questions._

  1. _Are you only with me because I saved your life, or because you feel bad about the fight?_
  2. _Do you resent me for my psychological issues? Having to witness my varying forms of self-destruction. Having to save me from myself. …I’m so sorry Jake._
  3. _Do you really find me attractive? I mean, in any form? You had never expressed an interest in guys before me. I’m not one of the blue ladies or even Jane. I’m not like anything you’ve ever expressed attraction to before. And on top of that I’m selfish and arrogant, I don’t express my emotions well sometimes. I’m difficult. I’m not a good person._



_I had about another 10 things to add to that, but by that time I was a blubbering mess. I think the berries inhibit one’s ability to hide emotion. Not completely (I think if it had been completely I would have been crying so hard I couldn’t breathe), but I think it cuts resistance by about half. Anyway, Jake hugged be and cooed at me, he pet my hair…I really don’t deserve him. As my breathing started to even out he whispered in my ear his responses. I want to record them in as much detail as I can remember, because nothing has ever made me feel so good._

  1. _Not at all, I love you with all my heart. I feel like you have become part of my soul Dirk. I never told you this, but after you protected me I carried you to the lily pad and because of you, I was able to release more power than I ever thought possible. I think in that moment, I melded with you in some way. I always liked you Dirk, even loved you. But after that, I feel like I could never live another day without you. You had become part of me, and I want to keep you close for the rest of my life. (He paused here. I think he wanted to say more. There was a slight flash of concern that I saw. I wonder what inner demons he fights with? What is he afraid of? He was willing to give me space when I needed it though, so I will do the same for him.)_
  2. _I could never resent you, love. I don’t resent seeing you hurt yourself or discovering the ways you destroy and punish yourself for some phantom flaw. I don’t resent any of it because it was YOU, love, you who were struggling. You fight so hard all on you own, I wanted to help you. Show that you don’t have to fight it alone. You are so strong Dirk, in a fight you would be more likely to protect me, than I, you. You have such a way of hiding how you feel, even when provoked. You would stop ME from over-reacting. You are so, so strong. If this is the way the universe has seen fit to make me useful to you, then I will take it, and I will do everything in my power for you. I could never resent that which has allowed me, even once, to protect you. I hope that someday you won’t need my protection, but until then, love, I am happy to do it._
  3. _At the last question, he just cupped my head and kissed me for a long time. When he pulled back he said: Of course I find you attractive, love. I could never look at another guy after you, my Adonis. You pretty pale skin, the manly scars, the hair, the muscles. If anything, I’ve wondered how someone like you could ever find a scrawny boy like me attractive. You may get a little arrogant sometimes, a little cocky, but it’s hardly unmanageable. I don’t see how you can see yourself as selfish when you risked your life to save me. Taking the last piece of pie every time is hardly a comparison, love. Everyone struggles with conveying what their feeling sometimes, you are hardly special in that department. And when you do, that stoicism of yours makes it a conversation, not an argument. You are only stubborn and difficult when you’re hungry or in the midst of a project. Shoving some food in your face or giving you some time makes everything fine in the end, so you shouldn’t worry. And finally, how can you say you’re not a good person? You ran yourself ragged looking for me. You sacrificed yourself for me. You tune up Hal when he asks you to, you spar with anyone who needs to get out some aggression. You may not be obvious in your care, but you are a good person, love._



_We kissed again for a while, but I was determined to get my other two questions. However, the last two were just reiterations of Jake’s questions:_

  1. _What are you favorite activities we do together?_
  2. _What’s a kink of yours that I don’t know about (and I know about the laugh kink, and the blue kink so that doesn’t count)?_



_These were more for curiosity than anything else. His responses were as follows._

  1. _I like our movie nights. I like snuggling up together under the blankets while we watch a movie. It’s my idea of heaven really. It’s just so peaceful and harmonious, and sometimes you fall asleep on me and I think you incorporate the movie into your dream because you’ll start talking to the characters in your sleep. (He started giggling a little at this…I had no idea that I do this. If he likes it though and promises to never record it, I guess I don’t mind.) A close second for me would probably be the bathing together. Although, I think I like it for a slightly different reason. I enjoy your scalp massages and seeing you so relaxed. You never relax as much as you do in the bath and your face looks down right angelic. I love to look at it._
  2. _I have never seen Jake’s face as red as in that moment. He’s blushed before, but never like that. Although, I must say, I was surprised by his kink: Somnophilia. Jake English wants to fuck me or suck me off, or something of that nature while I sleep. I couldn’t help but ask about the times I’ve woken up to him petting my hair. He swears it was completely different, that it is similar to when we bathe together. He says he just liked seeing me relaxed and at ease. The sexual aspect of it didn’t even come up until he had a dream one night of himself on top of me. He said in the dream I was less intense than usual. I wasn’t worried about looking cool, I had given power over to him and when he woke up and saw me sleeping he wondered if he could see me truly unguarded while I slept. I’m not sure if this is a full kink or just a kinky curiosity he has. I told him he could try it sometime if he wants. I don’t mind. I also told him though that it sounds more like a domination kink and I’d be willing to experiment with that out too (cuffs, gags, whatever he wants). Although, we had already done things like that and I had been pretty open to leaving insecurities behind and embracing the moment. Jake said what he had in mind and what happened in his dream was different. Different from the outright domination that we had done before. He said he couldn’t explain it. Well, whatever he wants I’m open to. His face was so red. It’s rare for Jake to get that embarrassed about anything, but he looks adorable when he does._



_Since the berries have a habit of staying on a human’s system for a few days, I will continue to monitor my own and Jake’s experiences for the next couple days._

SATURDAY:

_So a side-effect of the berries seems to be extreme fatigue. Jake and I passed out while cuddling in bed shortly after my last entry. We both just woke up today, severely dehydrated (which was quickly taken care of. We both just drank about a gallon of water each and will continue to push water for the next few days), very hungry (Jake is cooking now), and a bit light-headed (although this could have been from either of the aforementioned issues). Precautions should be taken with this in mind from now on. The length of sleep proceeding the main effect of the berries seems to vary. I will start keeping a log from now on and need to talk to the Lalondes about how to set up an IV drip just in case the next berry results in a longer period of rest. If Jake and I ever try one together again, asking someone to check on us after a day may be in order._

“Dirk, food!” Jake called from the kitchen. Dirk was out of his chair and grabbing a plate as fast as he could, along with another glass of water. He and Jake were shoveling food into their mouths as fast as they could. Not even tasting the food at this point. Both desperate just to fill their bellies. Jake made stir-fry, with noodles this time since they cook faster. Both ate until they were completely full. So full they could barely move. Despite the two days’ rest they were a bit sleepy again. Both ended up falling asleep at the table, waking a few hours later is aching backs and necks. Moving to the couch for a movie, before promptly falling asleep again.

SUNDAY:

Dirk and Jake wake up

Bellies are empty

Time to eat again

 

They both want to stay

Awake grogginess pervades

Damn awful berries

 

Desperate need of

Shower by themselves no mood

For cuddles tonight

 

Jake is never to

Eat a berry again too

Many bad effects

 

Dirk is on his own

From now on Insanity

Not good for his health.

 

Be careful from now

On He worries about you

He loves you don’t die

 

Not going to die

Taking precautions don’t you

Worry I’ll be safe

 

Love you too much to

Ever leave my precious page

Alone don’t worry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is shorter because I found a prompt that said to tell an entire story in haiku form. I figured one day was enough for me and it was HARD! Hopefully you guys could make sense of it.


	6. Kiss From a Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....lots of smut in this chapter.

MONDAY:

The boys woke refreshed. A weekend of recovery had done them well. The lay together, facing each other. Hands intertwined. A calm silence punctuated with tender kisses. Now that they have recovered, they felt at ease enough to talk the subjects that had surfaced the week prior.

“We should take a bath today.” Dirk nuzzled Jake’s neck.

“Yes, and naked cuddles after that.”

“And movie watching cuddles after that.” They giggled. Both wanting nothing more than to be closer to each other. So happy to know that the other enjoyed intimate activities. There was a small hanging tension in the air. One of lust. It had been a while since they last had sex. They could both feel the primal pull towards each other. A string winding taut, if one could give the smallest tug, the string would snap and they would be smashed together by some mystical universal force. Neither initiated, not wanting to pressure the other one after establishing the deeper connection. They just lay there moments passing, minutes; foreheads pressed against each other. Dirk was the first to make a move.

He tilted Jake’s face, kissing, allowing his lust to seep out just a little, a question. Jake embraced the feeling, deepening the kiss a bit, answering. Dirk responded with more fervor. Licking his lover’s lip and granted instant access. Tongues battling each other for dominance. Dirk was winning, gaining leverage as he pushed himself into hover position over Jake. Jake surprised him though. A pistol at his temple, the adrenaline running through his system. His blood rushing south, yes. He pulled away, lidded eyes meeting a playfully predatory gaze.

“On your back, love.” Dirk was left breathless and Jake pressed the barrel more firmly against his temple. Dirk submitted, panting slightly already from his growing excitement. Jake pushed the barrel into the blonde’s chest as it rose and fell shallowly, kissing him with force. Dirk lapped up any attention Jake would bestow upon him. Loving the feeling of metal on his bare chest. Jake removed the gun as he pulled away from Dirk’s lips. Placing the barrel before Dirk’s mouth. “Suck.” Was his breathy command. And Dirk was eager to please. God, he hopes Jake is enjoying this as much as he is, the boy is so good at it. He dragged his tongue as far as it could reach up the length of the gun. Making a show of licking it, leaving a trail of saliva around the piece. Did Jake shudder? Maybe he is truly enjoying this, a small rough shove of the pistol further into his mouth caused Dirk to look up, questioningly at his lover. A dark glint greeted him. “I told you to suck, love, not lick. Be a good boy and do as I say.” The prince’s head spun for a moment, the metal pressing insistently at his lips as he quickly complied. “Good, my darling. You love my gun in your mouth don’t you? And you’re so good at following orders.” He leaned down, voice husky in Dirk’s ear. “Maybe I should make you suck my other gun.” Rutting against Dirk as he said so, causing the blonde to gasp, and cough slightly. A few specks of residual gun powder hitting the back of his throat as he inhaled. Jake withdrew the gun, trying to maintain his dom attitude while simultaneously checking to make sure he hadn’t hurt his paramour. Dirk coughed a few more times before falling back, panting and red.

Jake took his gun, rubbing it against Dirk’s clothed erection. Causing his boyfriend to arch against him.

“Fuck Jake.” Jake, in response just rubbed harder with the gun, careful not to hurt Dirk, still enough to feel it. And he got what he wanted a strangled moan emanating from the prince’s mouth.

“Jake, please. Fuck me with your gun to my head, please.” Dirk was panting, pleading and Jake felt a level of exhilaration and power. Not yet, no, he wanted to play with Dirk.

“Love, what is it about my guns that you find erotic?” The gun now rest against Dirk, not giving him the friction he needs. A buck of the hips, a desperate whine, spinning mind wanting to fall back into that lovely wanton pit of pleasure. Jake wasn’t really expecting an answer, but he rarely got to see Dirk in such a state. He’d been really into it before, but never quite this needy. Jake was usually quick to satisfy him.

Licking his lips Dirk tried his best to string together a few words. “Just feels so good. Power, cold, but caring. Just an extension of you I guess. Want every part of you. Love it when you’re like this, gun adds so much.” Dirk continued to spit out half sentences and with every word he spoke, Jake would shift his hand a little, giving Dirk a taste of what Jake had in store for him. The blonde couldn’t take it, a whiny plea escaped him “Please Jake, fuck me, ANYTHING you want, just..” Jake silenced him with a kiss, biting Dirk’s lip a little as he pulled away, letting it snap back to its owner.

An authoritative lustful gaze met those of orange flames. “From now on the only word I want to hear out of your mouth is my name.” Dirk nodded.

Jake pulled down Dirk’s boxers, freeing the blonde’s clearly aching erection “I don’t think you should wear anything to bed anymore. I want to fuck you like this anytime I want. Clothes get in the way.” They both knew he didn’t really mean this. They often took turns as to who dominated who, depending on who wanted what on any particular night. It never really permeated their lives beyond this type of activity. Besides, Jake was hardly one to talk, he wore a sleep shirt and pajama bottoms to bed. Still, it added to the power Jake felt, so he said it. Dirk didn’t seem to mind.

Jake took the gun, sliding the barrel across Dirk’s tip, smearing precum along the side, another arch and keen. He placed the trail before Dirk’s mouth “Now, you lick.” His eyes shown that hunter’s gaze, the one that told Dirk if he could just be patient for a bit longer, he’d be rewarded, and rewarded sublimely. Dirk did as he was told, licking, tasting himself on the gun, making him moan lowly, so much, so many senses being taxed. Jake rescinded the gun, once clean, placing the muzzle on Dirk’s tip, twist slightly, Dirk arched hard off the bed. Jake wasn’t finished, keeping the muzzle as best he could on Dirk’s tip he kissed his length, giving it a lovely lick. Dirk sobbed, overstimulated.

_“Jake~”_

“Shush, soon.” Realizing he was pushing Dirk to his limits, Jake placed the gun against Dirk’s chest once again, taking in as much of the prince as he could into his mouth, Jake started bobbing his head; resulting in a loud cry of his name from above. This wasn’t all though, he wanted Dirk to come hard. Just as Dirk was reaching his peak, Jake rose from his position. Dirk let out a whiny, frustrated plea for him to resume his ministrations. Instead, Jake hovered his face just above his boyfriend’s. The glassy look of love and lust mixing in orange pools greeted him, as well as a panting open mouth and tongue the reached out, flicking across his lips in greeting. Jake just gave a dark smile. He just needed to know one thing. “You trust me, right love?” A genuine need of confirmation, even through his haze Dirk could see it.

“Of coursh, hun.” Panting, southern drawl and slurred speech giving away his lack of control over himself. Jake smiled, making a show of placing the gun to Dirk’s head. The blonde responding with low groan and shut eyes, enjoying where this was going.

“Open your eyes.” Dirk did as he was told, Jake pulled the trigger, while simultaneously stroking Dirk fervently. Jake had actually planned for this whole event the night before. Taking the bullets out of his gun for safety and placing it within arms-reach for the next morning.

Adrenaline kicked in, magnifying everything the blonde was feeling. Dirk was screaming incoherently quickly reaching peak once again and this time Jake continued all the way through to his orgasm. Jake wasn’t all too concerned about Dirk’s seed on his hand, more than ready to take care of his own predicament. He quickly freed his own erection, pumping, using Dirk’s fluids as his lube, until he came on his lover. They were about to take a bath anyway.

Dirk was lost in bliss, feeling the hot spray of Jake across his stomach and chest only increased the feeling. Edges of his vision blurry, he only knew Jake was still there from the weight he felt next to him. His mind lost in a chasm of pleasure, slowly rising to the surface. His body and mind disconnected, each acting of their own accord. He didn’t even realize he was spouting nonsense until he heard Jake chuckle next to him. “My, you’ve never been talkative during your afterglow before.”

Dirk head was still floating, but he managed to string together “What’d I just say?”

Jake smiled at him “Just that I’m the best and that was great and oh fuck we have to do that again sometime.”

“Well, yes, to all of that. You were amazing Jake, fucking amazing.”

Jake chuckled again. “With how into it you were, we _should_ do that more often.”

“Fuck yes.” Dirk’s mind starting to piece together everything that just happened. “…did you plan this? There weren’t any bullets when you pulled the trigger and I KNOW you keep that thing loaded at all times.”

Jake gave him a devious smile. “I thought I’d surprise you. It didn’t dawn on me to clean it first though, sorry about making you cough.”

It was Dirk’s turn to laugh. “I probably just had the best orgasm of my life, don’t apologize.”

Jake snuggled close, glancing down at the mess left on Dirk’s torso. He kissed his paramour on the cheek. “I’m going to go draw us up a bath. Join me when you’re ready.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

 

TUESDAY:

Jake had disappeared for the morning. At this point Dirk was used to it. And after what happened last time, Dirk wasn’t about to go a search for Jake. The boy was fine. Besides they laid down new ground rules. Jake should leave a note, but in the case (i.e. every case because Jake is the most forgetful person world when it comes to things like that) he doesn’t, Dirk should assume he’s safe and off exploring until 10pm. At which point Dirk should get a search party together so another incident doesn’t occur.

For Dirk’s part, he decided today would be a good day to try another berry. He had told himself he would take a break, but his curiosity made the idea of leaving his research for even another minute unbearable. He place a note on the front door, letting Jake know what he was up to and went back to his study. Pulling out his samples, he decided he would try the Beforus black colored berry. As he bit down a rush thick liquid coated his mouth. Like a sour honey, viscous substance coating his mouth and throat. He grabbed his nearby water to wash it down, though the residual feeling was left behind. Grabbing his notebook he sat in bed waiting for the berry to take effect.

 

Jake walked into the house, grabbing the note off the door. He was irritated. Not angry, but still upset. He had spent all day scouting for the perfect picnic spot tomorrow and Dirk does something stupid like try another of those berries! He would be out for days! “Dirk!” Jake called throughout the house, know answer. _Maybe he’s already sleeping it off._ Jake looked at the couch, Dirk’s study, and finally made his way to their bedroom. He notice Dirk sitting there, holding the notebook in one hand and a pen in the other. “Hey, I was calling you. Couldn’t you hear me?” No response.

Jake moved forward, cupping Dirk’s chin forcing the prince to look at him. He jumped back in surprise. Dirk’s eyes were pitch black. Like his pupils had become the entire eyeballs. Face blank, no emotion. Not stoicism, more like no emotion to express. Like he was a blank slate, no memories, no thoughts. Jake was scared. “Dirk, love. Can you talk to me…please?” Tears stinging his eyes. He didn’t know how to handle this. He didn’t know how long Dirk had been like this. How long would this last? Jake couldn’t stop the tears. It was unnatural and unsettling. The boy he loved looked alien like. Like someone had stolen his very soul. Jake slid into bed. He was scared, but Dirk had to be in there. He couldn’t leave his boyfriend alone like this. He nuzzled into the blonde’s shoulder awkwardly. Dirk didn’t move. Tears leaked from green eyes, staining a normally happy face.

Dirk felt like he was catapulted through the air and landed back in his body, what happened? He jumped into a state of consciousness. Suddenly full of energy. He felt good, like insanely good. The noise in his mind gone, his thoughts collected neatly. What time was it? Where was he again, right, his bedroom. He was supposed to take notes. How could he take notes when he couldn’t remember what had happened? A shift next to him, Jake, his eyes are a little puffy, had he been crying? Wait, when did Jake get back?! It’s night out now. Dirk grabbed the clock next to his bed…seven hours. He had been out for seven hours. What the fuck happened?! Dirk ran his hands through his hair. He felt really good, but at the same time he there was a current of anxiety just below the small stream of euphoria. It was an odd mix and he didn’t like it. He didn’t want to disturb Jake, but he needed to know what went on. Reached out, gently moving Jake’s shoulder. “Hun, what happened? When did you get back?” Blood-shot eyes greeted him, a look of frightened comfort on his dearest’s face. A trembling hand reached out to touch his face, like he needed to make sure Dirk was there and real. Not some figment of his imagination. A soft hesitant brush against his cheek, turned into grasp of his face. Clutched, like if he removed his had Dirk would become smoke and disappear.

Jake used his other hand, a firm hold on Dirk’s shoulder, bringing him down onto Jake. Arms around the prince, a soft sob in his ear. “Never eat that berry again.”

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m alright. I’m right here. What happened hun, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

“Your eyes were pitch black. You looked extraterrestrial and strange.” A shaking breaths, deeper sobs. “When I tried to touch you….you….”

“I won’t eat the berry again, but you have to tell me what happened, hun.” A gentle reassuring voice. He had never seen Jake so shaken. Dirk had no memory of anything, and the effects still left him a bit giddy. It was hard for him not to laugh. It’s not that he found Jake’s terror funny, merely that the giddiness he felt was hard to control.

“You were screaming, but it wasn’t a normal scream. It was almost an echo in itself. It sounded so awful. You wouldn’t stop until I stopped touching you. If I talked to you, you would just give me a blank stare. It’s like you were hallow. I thought you had been erased from your own body. I thought, I might not see the real you again, or talk to you. When I started crying, you covered your ears. You hissed, Dirk. Like the sound of me was poison to you. “

Dirk held Jake close. Stroking his hair, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. He loved the adventurer more than life itself. The sound of his love’s voice made his day brighter and happier. He loved it. He couldn’t live without Jake, he loved him so much. Don’t cry. Your prince is back and will protect you from everything. His lovely page, his precious Jake.

Once Jake had calmed down, they just laid together. Dirk holding Jake close, like he would never let go. Jake breathing in that familiar scent of oranges and oil. The one that reassured him that everything was okay.

 

WEDNESDAY:

“Hey, love, do you want to do our usual picnic? Or do you want to go with the others to the beach today?” It had been eleven weeks since they first entered this purgatorial part of the universe. Their bubble was starting to expand. Not much, at first it was imperceptible. However, one day they realized they had a beach and a mountain (at opposite ends of the bubble). And their weather was changing. At this point they were roughly in the middle of July, and boy, it felt like it. It was getting hotter and hotter during the day, and not cooling down as much at night. The beach could actually be quite refreshing.

Still, Wednesday was supposed to be their day together. Lately Jake had been spending more time with Jade, apparently that’s where he was the night Dirk made his frenzied venture out for Jake. He and Jade had been in some far off cave, trying to see if they could find some creature or another. The cave lead to type of underground labyrinth, it wasn’t human made. They went to explore it and got lost. Dirk had passed out a few feet from one of the exits. Dirk had regular spars with Karkat and Vriska, he had also been working on a project with Dave; sometimes Roxy would join in too. So really, they had been spending less time together. However, if Jake wants to go with the others, Dirk doesn’t want to stop him. “It’s up to you hun, I’m good with either.”

“I wanted to take you to this lovely river I found. A lot of animals drink from it and it can be really interesting to watch.”

Dirk smiled, “Sounds great.”

They headed out, Jake toting a blanket and a camera. Dirk carrying the picnic basket (cold cuts, fruit, and water today), as well as a small sketch pad and a few pencils in his pocket. It didn’t take them long to reach the river, although they had to wander off the beaten path a bit. “I think I’m the only one who knows about this place!” Jake said with glee. He was always so proud when he found nice spots that he and Dirk could relax in.

The blonde smiled at his wonderfully chipper boyfriend. Yesterday hadn’t seemed to traumatize him too bad. This would be a good day. The rolled out the blanket like usual. Each taking a seat, eating their food, Dirk drew a few sketches, Jake took a couple of pictures. However, soon Jake’s arms were around Dirk, the blonde’s head on his chest, horizontal positioning; watching the beauty of the nature around them. A deer and her fawn drinking, the two boys remaining especially still. So lovely, so amazing. A mother duck and her ducklings bathing near the bed of the river. Humming birds flitting to every flower around. “This is amazing Jake.” Dirk whispered, the blonde enjoyed this tranquility, the sense that he was part of something so much bigger. Seeing the flora and fauna around him put all of thoughts in perspective. In a world this complex, this teeming with life, those negative thoughts that float through his brain are ultimately insignificant given the grandeur of this world. “Beautiful.” For that’s what this world is…it holds all the beauty he will ever know. And it’s amazing, and how could he go so long in his life without this? His apartment seemed so small now, so confining, and a little lonely. Losing himself in the moment, he allowed a bliss filled sleep to overtake him.

Jake had heard Dirk’s comments. Fireworks were going off inside him. Joyful color and explosions of happiness that took everything he had to contain it within himself. He didn’t want to ruin the pulchritude. Having his boyfriend’s head on his chest, in wonder at the site that HE had found. It was one of the best feelings in the world. He felt his prince relax, after only a few minutes a gentle snore started. Jake smiled his goofy smile. He could lay like this forever.

Only forever, for Jake, was just over an hour. Dirk was in the throws of dreamland and he could see the darting under the eyelids. REM, rapid eye movement…it is supposed to be really hard to wake up from that.

Every morning since their talk exactly a week ago, Dirk has asked Jake if he did anything while the blonde was asleep. And every answer had been a truthful “no”. Dirk always responded with fervent encouragement for Jake to do as he wished. If Dirk didn’t like it, he would say so. But, since he was asleep, he doubted it would be an issue. Jake had full permission.

He adjusted the blonde, so he was on his back, carefully, thoughtfully. Jake removed his own shirt and pants, folding them up and gently placing it behind Dirk’s head as a makeshift replacement pillow. Not great, but it should keep Dirk comfortable. Dirk had taken off his shirt before they laid down. That boy loved going shirtless, not that Jake was complaining. He allowed a moment to appreciate the sculpted abs and broad shoulders of his lover. Dirk was his Adonis, the most perfect figure to ever grace his presence. His Apollo, the sun that lit up his life; that saved the light of his life. And his Morpheus, for never a night went by that he didn’t dream of this lovely creature. Pale skin that Jake would soon color, mark him, lay claim. Never can another have him. Jake would do everything in his power to keep the boy near him. He gently brushed the golden hair off the perfect porcelain face. Feather light kisses, sweet and genuine. He never knew he could love someone so much.

Fingers trailing lower, caressing the delicate, yet strong neck. The neck of an Olympian, of an idealized figure, that was Dirk. A kiss and soft suck on the angle where the jaw meets the neck. Softer kisses still as he moves a little lower. Carefully sucking a necklace around his boyfriend’s neck. No stirring so far. Dirk had become a much heavier sleeper than when they first got together. He no longer woke with a start, or jumped at Jake’s presence when their eyes meet upon first waking. He was no longer pulled from sleep by subtle noises that anyone else wouldn’t even notice when awake. He trusted his surroundings now. He trusted Jake.

Jake continued down. Leaving red marks on the shoulders, creases of the elbows, and wrist. He could never do this while Dirk was awake. It would be awkward, Dirk wasn’t typically one for a slow arousal. He always wanted it hard and fast and intense. Jake liked that too, but he wholeheartedly enjoyed taking his time like this, lavishing this prized body with the attention it deserves. Dirk made a few nonsensical whispering noises, especially, when Jake lightly bit down lightly on his nipples. His body reacting to its current status of idolatry by Jake. A light bulge from further south. Jake would get to that soon enough. Kissing his way down the torso, leaving hickeys on each ab of Dirk’s six-pack. Jake gingerly removed the last article of clothing from Dirk, his pants. Dirk was never one for underwear. His member lazily springing free as Jake removed its confines. Pants discarded, Jake could truly take in the sight. And what an astonishing sight it was. Thank god for summer and 85 degree days and for the shade that the two had taken refuge under. Wouldn’t want his dearest to burn. The adventurer had to stroke himself lightly, just enough to relive some the pressure growing inside him.

Forcing himself to stay gentle, so as not to wake his paramour. Jake left additional markings on each hip, thigh, knee, and calf of his beloved. Amazed he had been able to do so much without waking Dirk. Now, for what he wanted most. He would have to do it gradually, like everything else, to make sure Dirk stayed asleep. He licked the underside of Dirk’s cock slowly, a soft groan from up north. Jake stopped, was Dirk awake? No, he resumed, swirling his tongue around the head; another moan, a half formulated word that sounded like Jake’s name. Was his attentions causing Dirk to have a dream about him? Spitting in his hand he lightly stroked his demi-god (For if he was truly divine Jake could never have him, being half mortal gave Jake a slim chance to keep Dirk). First softly, then a little harder, playing with the tip, wiping his thumb across Dirk’s slit. A groan containing a name, again emitted, and this time meaning was conveyed, it was Jake’s. Dirk was having a sex dream about Jake. The hope player’s head spun letting go of Dirk to catch himself, blood flooding his lower extremities, his dick becoming painfully hard. Even in Dirk’s most vulnerable state, he still wanted Jake, even without the conscious choice, he wanted Jake. The thought intoxicating, broken out of his reverie from a soft whine below, and a soft cant of the hips. His seraphic one’s body needed release, and Jake was the one he wanted it from, even if he couldn’t voice the desire. Jake’s lips were back on Dirk, god he wanted to suck him hard, but that might wake him up. Instead Jake took him in as far as he could, bobbing slowly. He could feel Dirk squirming underneath him, heightening his arousal further. He could hear panting, soft moans and one or two breathless calls of his name. A light sheen settling over the prince’s body, twitches and a head toss every so often. Jake couldn’t contain his delight, his own moan leaking out, stifled somewhat by Dirk’s cock. The vibration from the involuntary act gave Dirk the last he needed to climax into Jake’s mouth. Jake swallowed as much as he could, a little dribble of excess down his chin.

He quickly sat up, pumping as hard and as fast as he could, because fuck, that was the hottest thing he had ever done, and hearing Dirk moan in his name in his sleep was amazing. And his brain supplied a playback of the sound, Jake couldn’t last. He came hard, vision whiting out, a silent cry (thank god, he didn’t want Dirk to wake just yet). The world was hazy. The soft trickling of the river first, the greens, the yellows, then the blues, all coming back into focus. Leaves, branches, the feel of the blanket he was on, his memory of what he was doing there and what he had just done. Heavy breathing, taking a moment to enjoy the afterglow. He couldn’t move if he wanted to just yet. His brain slowly connecting his limbs together once more. He cleaned himself up, taking care of a few traces left on Dirk as well. Careful not to do too much on the surely sensitive body. He laid next to his heavenly boyfriend, using his arm as a pillow, he let the bright sun fade.

Dirk was the first to wake sometime later. Looking down at his body, it was clear Jake had himself a party. That explains the REALLY kinky dream he had. Damn, look at all the hickeys. Everyone was going to go to the beach again tomorrow (they went everyday really). He considered going in nothing but a speedo, to show of the darkest ones on his hips; just to see the reaction he would get. At the same time though, he loved hoarding the marks. He liked that Jake left so many emblems on his body. A badge of honor for the page of hope chose him, HIM to be his boyfriend, HIM to be the object of his affections, HIM to be the one he spends his time with, HIM whose body he lusts after (clearly). Dirk couldn’t help but touch the many blemishes. Like touching them would stain his hands, which he could wipe on the rest of his body, drenching himself in Jake’s signature. A shift from the one next to him, Jake’s eyes opened, glasses askew, he must have fallen asleep with them on. A curious dried white substance on the corner of his mouth. “So…you fucked me in my sleep?”

A blush on his adventurer’s face. “Yeah…that’s okay, right? You had said all those other times it was okay, so I thought it would be okay now, I’m sorry if you didn’t want it I-“

Dirk shushed him with a tender kiss, “It’s fine hun, you enjoy yourself? I’m pretty sure you’re the reason I have one of the most intense sex dreams of my life.”

Jake blushed deeper, funny how he could be so sexually intimate with Dirk, yet so bashful at the same time. “Yeah, that was…” He couldn’t even describe it. Wait there was a word for that. He had been trying to increase his vocabulary recently, Dirk was so smart, he didn’t want Dirk to get bored. Too many times Dirk had to dumb things down for him. What was that word…”It was completely ineffable.”

Dirk smiled a soft genuine smile, bringing Jake closer, kissing him on the forehead. A soft chuckle “Good to hear, hun.”

Jake caught the sound, suppressing a shudder. Dirk knew could tell though, and it amused him, he couldn’t help laughing a little louder. Jake brought him in to a rough kiss, Dirk still giggling, trying to kiss Jake back. Sleep and sleep sex apparently made him giggly once he woke up. He was in a sublimely good mood that could only express itself through laughter. Jake moaned a little. Dirk continued chuckling, even as he stroked Jake and Jake made those wonderful noises, he couldn’t stop. Dirk had never been this happy before.

 

SUNDAY:

A break from the hot sunny days. Rain greeting all this weekend. It had been a long time since Dirk had been in the rain. Jake was cooking, because “it’s soup weather”. Dirk was left to his own devices. Their shared bedroom had a large balcony, more like a deck really. Plenty of room to move. He had one of his dull swords with him too. He didn’t need anything that could actually cut, he just liked the feel of it in his hand when he danced. Turning on his music, barefoot, tank top and sweats, sword in his hand. He was ready.

_There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea_

He had been alone so much in his life. Lost in that lone apartment amidst all the water.

Extending, feeling the stretch in every part of his body. The cold rain on his warm flesh.

_  
You became the light on the dark side of me_

The light of hope on his dark heart. The glow that shielded him from himself, the chaotic calling of the deep.

_  
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill_

He was so happy, Jake made him so happy. Everything was perfect right now.

Spins and extensions punctuating ever lyric.

 __  
But did you know that when it snows  
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen?

At his worst, when he wanted to give in, tumbling off precarious ledge that he lived on. Jake, his shining beacon, beckoned him away. __  
  
Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey

Grey, the lightness of Jake meets the darkness that is Dirk, resulting in a grey. Together they were grey and that rose was their bond. The thing that kept them together that amazing intimacy that Dirk didn’t even know was possible.

_  
Ooh, the more I get of you, the stranger it feels, yeah_

Dirk would probably never get used to Jake’s smiles in the morning. Or his tolerance for Dirk’s short comings. He didn’t want to get used to it though. He loved it so much. He never wanted to become numb to the magic that was Jake.

 __  
Now that your rose is in bloom  
A light hits the gloom on the grey

Jake was coming into his own, just like Dirk. He noticed Jake taking an interest in self-improvement. Not that he needed it, he was perfect. Still, he became more incredible every day, shining his golden radiance on what would be Dirk’s gloomy existence. He couldn’t live without Jake. __  
  
There is so much a man can tell you, so much he can say  
You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain

Ending three pirouettes, Dirk tossed his sword aside. He didn’t need it anymore. He didn’t need it with him all the time. He likes sword fighting and sparing, yes. However, he didn’t need it to protect him from himself, to punish himself. Jake was his power. Bringing him again and again to tender and orgasmic highs. If he wanted to, he could crush the prince. Dirk knew Jake though, an unbreakable trust had been formed.

 __  
Baby, to me, you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny  
Won't you tell me, is that healthy, baby?

Maybe it isn’t healthy. He didn’t care.

 __  
But did you know that when it snows  
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen?

Jake was his sun, his universe. Sword gone, he threw his body into his dance. Not aware of what he was doing. Some ballroom dancing mixed with ballet, and a little lyrical for good measure. He just felt the music, losing himself. He didn’t even feel the rain anymore. __  
  
Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey  
Ooh, the more I get of you, the stranger it feels, yeah  
Now that your rose is in bloom  
A light hits the gloom on the grey

Jake, love, life, perfect, eradicating loneliness, gloom. __  
  
I've been kissed by a rose on the grey  
I've been kissed by a rose on the grey  
And if I should fall, will it all go away?  
I've been kissed by a rose on the grey  
  
There is so much a man can tell you, so much he can say  
You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain  
To me, you're like a growing, addiction that I can't deny  
Won't you tell me, is that healthy, baby?  
But did you know that when it snows  
My eyes become large, and the light that you shine can be seen?  
  


Is that Jake out of the corner of his eye? A smile on his lips. He didn’t want to hide it. He so rarely lost himself in feeling like this. Not physical sensation, no, emotional. He lost himself in his emotions.

 __  
Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey  
Ooh, the more I get of you, the stranger it feels, yeah  
Now that your rose is in bloom  
A light hits the gloom on the grey  
  
Yes I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey  
Ooh, the more I get of you stranger it feels, yeah  
And now that your rose is in bloom  
A light hits the gloom on the grey   
  
Now that your rose is in bloom  
A light hits the gloom on the grey

His song finished. His dance done. He came out of his celestial high, clapping. Jake was there. Running out and hugging him. “That was AMAZING!! I knew you could dance, but, wow!” A phone in his hand, Dirk blushed. Jake followed his line of sight, “Don’t worry love, this is just for my future personal viewing pleasure. I- not like that!” A suggestive grin from Dirk. “You are beauty and art incarnate, love. You are like Terpsichore and Apollo all in one!” Dirk smiled, blushing a little, Jake’s praises always seemed so over the top. Constantly comparing him to gods and muses. The two kissed. “C’mon, soup is ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I thought of Dirk dancing the only song I could think of him dancing to was Kiss From a Rose. I just think it captures their relationship, at least at this moment in the fic. 
> 
> So, we are seeing some of Jake's insecurities surface, that's going to continue. Out of curiosity, anyone have any particular would see Jake when he acts insecure, or what he's insecure about? I have some ideas, but I'd like to hear from you guys on this. Also, some of you may be wondering what's with all the Greek Mythology references? Err...it's one to the classes I'm taking this quarter. I still think it kind of fits with Jake's character though. What with all the adventures and stuff. 
> 
> Also, note to anyone reading the Davekat fic. I'm working on the next chapter and hope to have it up sometime this weekend. Davekat is a little harder for me right now, because there isn't a sequence of events nailed down like I have for this one. The Davekat fic is largely directionless, I don't really know what I'm doing with it, so it's a little harder to get chapters out.


	7. Break up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back and it feels great. I still have classes and finals until the 18th, but most of my own personal chaos has passed. I'll be posting something (sometimes Davekat, sometimes this, or a couple of drabbles) every other day (or close to it) all month!

Jake had been out all day. Dirk wasn’t worried, not at all. They had a plan in place. If Jake wasn’t back in time, Dirk would gather as many people as he could and go out and search of him. He was never this close to their appointed time before. He usually makes a point to come home an hour before. Dirk was biting his nails, a nervous habit he could usually hide pretty well. In front of others he could always suppress it. The need to shield his vulnerability typically outweighed the desperation to vent his anxiety. No one was here though, and that was the problem. He couldn’t really mobilize anything yet, Jake wasn’t even technically late. He still had ten minutes to come through that door as the happy goofball he was. Dirk shouldn’t worry, Jake sometimes does this, disappears (again though, he hasn’t REALLY disappeared…not yet anyway). He always comes back okay. Dirk is usually the one to get hurt, he has no reason to leave the house yet. Five minutes until the deadline, pacing now. The sound of his shoes shuffling across the carpet, static electricity, charging him more and more with energy that he could not comfortably release. Their house was closest to the forest, Jake would come here before anywhere else no matter what. So why wasn’t he here yet? This house was too small, not enough air, maybe he should open a window.

One minute until the deadline Jake comes bursting in, with Roxy in his arms, both looking beat to hell. Roxy looked drowsy and her ankle was swelling. She had gone with Jake today, eager for some fresh air, poor thing. Dirk rushed forward taking the girl from his boyfriend’s arms and gently setting her on the couch. He was in mission mode. All that restlessness was gone, fueled into a laser focus of taking care of the situation at hand. He quickly gathered ice and the first-aid kit, moving back into the living room. He didn’t feel anything at that point, it would hit him later. This was how he worked, his mind felt blank, despite moving according to a plan of what to do…it was almost more like instinct, rather than actual thought. A very sophisticated instinct. It was like this when he brought them into the medium too. His mind was quiet, body moving only to complete a set list in his head. His adrenaline had been pumping he was nervous then, just like he is concerned now. However, the emotion was resting just against the bubble of his thoughts, expelled just like everything else. It was apparent and he was vaguely aware of it, but he had more important things to concentrate on first. He’ll deal with his feelings later.

Jake was sitting down next to Roxy, he had placed her foot on a pillow and looked like he was about to go get the ice himself before he saw Dirk with everything in his hands. He grabbed the ice, applying it to the injury. Roxy was sniffling a little, clearly in a lot of pain. Dirk gently prodded the swollen extremity, the void player cried out in pain…this was out of his realm of expertise. They didn’t have any hospitals available and were a bunch of teens, highly unlikely that they would be able to fix a broken bone…wait. Dirk ran to his computer, Lil Hal had been given a proper steel body by the game, why and how Dirk was unsure of, but still…as much as Dirk hated to admit it, Hal had more knowledge than him on almost everything. He pestered the android.

TT: Hey, Roxy’s hurt. Get over here ASAP.

Dirk left it at that, he knew Hal would arrive, he and Roxy had their own bond. As expected, Hal arrived in minutes. Seeing Roxy on the couch he immediately inspected the injury. After a little prodding he came to a conclusion, “It’s not broken, just badly sprained.” The android took the bandages, expertly created a splint for the rogue with his nimble metallic hands. “I’m taking her home.”

“Check her head first, I don’t know what these two went through.” Not looking at Jake.

Hal nodded and carefully examined Roxy’s head, and per Dirk’s request, Jake’s (although the page did give some listless protest). Thankfully, both examinations showed an absence of head trauma. Some scrapes and cuts, could be seen on their bodies, but no serious bleeding. Both were coherent and clear headed as well. Fatigue affecting them more than anything. Roxy’s ankle was the worst of it.

Dirk allowed Hal to carry Roxy home, while he grabbed a washcloth and started gently cleaning Jake’s wounds. Silence lingered between the two, Jake was coming down from his adrenaline high from his ordeal, and Dirk just couldn’t find the words in that moment. Instead the almost non-existent sound of cloth gently wiping the side of Jake’s face was the only noise that filled the room. Jake watched Dirk as the prince cleaned and disinfected his wounds. He didn’t flinch at the antiseptic, just watched as the Dirk’s stone face focused on its task.

When every scratch on Jake’s body was properly cleaned, Dirk allowed himself to speak. “You feel okay?” Monotone, to most maybe even cold, but Jake suspected something else.

“I’m fine, really, it’s just a few scratches. I had gotten far worse from the island I lived on.”

“You sure you don’t hurt anywhere?”

“I’m sure.”

Dirk stared for a long hard moment at his boyfriend, deciding he was telling the truth he gathered the first aid kit back together, putting everything in neatly, standing up and returning the kit to its proper place. When he returned to the living room Jake was still in the same position he had left him in. A little unsure what to do next. Sitting next to him, Dirk finally asked “What happened?”

Jake recounts his and Roxy’s exploration of the caves. He said he chose relatively safe caves, been there a couple times, no incidents. He didn’t want to put Roxy in any danger. Found more catacombs. He had let his excitement and curiosity get the best of him. Poking and prodding at the walls. Triggered a huge rock coming down on him. Roxy was the one to pull him out of danger’s way. She hurt herself in the process. It was slow going for a while, the catacombs have low ceilings in some areas and carrying Roxy wasn’t always easy and straightforward. But they made it and that’s what counts, right?

Dirk sat back, wheels turning in his head. Roxy was hurt protecting Jake. Jake often goes adventuring out alone. To dangerous places apparently. Jake was almost seriously injured, if Roxy wasn’t there he may have died before anyone found him…something had to be done. And with that thought Dirk was out of his seat, one sentence was all that left his lips before his workshop door was closed and locked “Don’t go adventuring for a little while.” It wasn’t a request, it was an order.

 

Jake eventually realized that Dirk wasn’t coming out of his workshop tonight and went to bed. The cold empty sheets and blankets were his only comfort after his harrowing night.

His lonesome existence continued instantly once he woke up. His dreams had been filled with the soft caresses of his lover, before the harsh reality of his seclusion set in upon his waking. Dirk wasn’t in bed, probably never came to bed, if the covers were anything to go by. Walking down the hall his muscles cried for him to return to his bed and rest, his stomach continued to push him towards the kitchen. The door to his beloved’s workshop was still closed. Tinkering could be heard, as well as a few muffled curses, followed by a mild crash. Like a stack of DVDs fell over. Probably was something more technical than DVDs, but Jake was too tired and sore to really think about it. More swearing. The sound of his swivel chair across the wood floor. Best to leave him to it and make breakfast.

Unfortunately, Dirk was exceptionally reclusive and difficult. Jake had left food by the door, but it hadn’t been touched. His knocks were met with silence, or an irritated “What?” Any inquiries were met with “nothing” and any requests for company were answered with “not now.” Jake was on his own.

He was too exhausted for much of anything and returned to his welcoming place of convalescence, holding Dirk’s pillow close, imagining him gently carding his long fingers through Jake’s hair. Telling him to be more cautious. Telling him he was scared, communicating anything really.

Sleep overtaking him only when he imagined Dirk’s strong arms around him. He would never admit it out loud, or even to himself really. But the event from the night before scared him. And the lack of comfort or even scolding only increased his fear. Was Dirk fed up with him? Was that it? Does he want to break up? Should Jake move back to his own house? Who would feed Dirk then? The boy already doesn’t eat like he’s supposed to.

 

The days continued much in this pattern. Dirk isolating himself in his workshop, terse one word replies to Jake’s questions. Like Jake was no longer worthy of real communication. His shades were off a lot of the time, probably focused better on whatever he was working on without the obstruction to his vision. He was eating, but it wasn’t Jake’s food, those plates were largely left untouched. No, instead random bits and pieces would be missing from the fridge and pantry. Bacon, eggs, milk, cheese, pepperoni, Doritos, bread. Jake never smelled any food cooking, so either Dirk was doing it in the dead of night, eating it raw, or had some other use for it. Nonetheless….food was always the mode of which Jake felt connected to Dirk. The prince’s refusal of the food felt like a rejection of Jake’s affections. Tears threatened to break free from his eyes whenever he thought about it. His bed had been cold for several nights too. He felt deserted.

The loneliness only continued. A few glimpses of Dirk was all the contact Jake had for the past week. Dirk hadn’t asked him to leave, hadn’t formally broken up with him, so there’s hope right? Hope to save this? What was Dirk building? Jake was afraid to ask, a single word from him was always met with an agitated response. He tried not to take it personally at first, the boy was probably hungry or tired. After a week though, it was hard not to feel unwanted. His roboticist was probably making his replacement. Making a robot that could do everything Jake could without his issues, without the possibility of mortality. He needed out for a bit. Leaving a note, so as not to upset Dirk further, he went to the waterfall.

Swimming helped ease the suffering in his mind. Adventuring was his preference, but since it wasn’t much of an option this did nicely. He had texted Jane once or twice about the issues he’s having with Dirk, but she said she couldn’t deal with it again. He couldn’t burden Roxy, not after his antics hurt her. Hal was pissed at him for Roxy getting hurt. John was a nice guy, but was really hung up on the whole sexuality thing. It’s not that he was against them, just that talking about details made him uncomfortable. Jade was someone he tried to go to, but she couldn’t do much more than lend a sympathetic ear. He wasn’t really comfortable bringing Rose or Dave into their mess. He tried a couple of trolls, but they merely offered acting as an auspistice. While that isn’t a bad idea, it would require Dirk to come out of his room. One obstacle at a time.

Returning home he found the workshop door open and Dirk nowhere to be found. His initial reaction was one of worry. Did Dirk really leave him? Had he just been waiting for Jake to leave so he could get his stuff and get out peacefully? This was quickly disregarded as all of Dirk’s stuff was still there. Besides, it was his house, if anyone was supposed to leave it would be Jake. The adventurer checked every room and the perimeter of the house, nothing. Should he go look? Should he make the others help? Where could Dirk have possible gone? Before the string of thoughts could continue Dirk walked through the door, paying absolutely no attention to Jake and was back in his workshop before a word could escape Jake’s mouth.

Several days had passed once again, and Jake was getting desperate. He had gone on a little adventuring over the past few days. Just a little, and not to the catacombs, but to a few areas that he could explore, but still be back in the house before Dirk would realize it. Still, Dirk didn’t even seem that interested in the fact that Jake was leaving the house. Dirk seemed completely over him.

So this is what Dirk felt when he had left him. This is that crushing feeling of abandonment, desperately hoping for a glance, an uttered syllable, a fleeting touch, ANYTHING to let him know that affection still lived in Dirk’s heart for him. Nothing ever came. Not even after another week. Jake didn’t need any more hints. He knew he wasn’t wanted; he knew he wasn’t needed. Tears streamed down his face as he felt the realization hit him. He tried so hard, he tried so hard to make it up to Dirk. Make up for his actions from their first bout together. Make up for Dirk’s injuries and loneliness caused by Jake’s abandonment. It wasn’t enough. He tried to be more forthright about what he wanted and what he saw in Dirk. He tried to be the perfect boyfriend, but he couldn’t keep it up. He faltered and brought down the bridge he had worked so hard to rebuild. Packing a bag filled with his clothes and a few sentimental items, one being one of Dirk’s hat t-shirts. He wouldn’t miss one. He could do without one. Jake needed it more. He needed it to remind him of the precious moments that he shared with Dirk. Those precious moments that would be his only reprieve from the weight of the sadness pressing in on him.

Before truly leaving, he wanted to try one more time to win Dirk back. Empty gun in hand he knocked on Dirk’s workshop door, no answer, not surprising. He carefully opened the door to find Dirk’s back to him, bent over the worktable, meticulously working on some device. Jake placed the gun to the back of Dirk’s head and let his finger trail down the boy’s spine. Dirk froze, trying to salvage a confident air Jake said “One your knees.” Dirk acted as if he were about to comply and a flicker of hope filled Jake, filling his very being in the nanoseconds before Dirk truly reacted. The blonde ducked, avoiding the barrel and grabbing Jake’s jacket by the collar. “Not now.” A low dangerous tone. “I’m working.” Abruptly releasing the page, letting him lose his balance and drop to the floor, back turned. Jake looked confused for a moment before the realization of the event dawned on him. Dirk really had no interest anymore.

 

It had been a month since Jake had come home with Roxy, hurt, in his arms. It had been roughly a week since Jake moved out. Dirk never called or asked why; probably still in his workshop. Jake was cleaning his favorite gun, taking it apart piece by piece. Cleaning it properly and putting it back together. There was a gun range downstairs, maybe he could shoot. He could go out adventuring, he had no one to tell him not to anymore. He had no set time to be home, he could be out all night even. Yeah, time to get back to his true love. The love of adventure! He grabbed a small backpack and started off. Back to the catacombs! He’s been itching to get back ever since he left!

A few hours later, Jake had finally managed to get back to the spot he left off last time. Pressing forward, Dirk was the furthest thing from his mind. He was completely caught up in the wonders behind every bend. Flashlight in hand he felt along the walls, taking a mental note of everything nook and cranny and marking along the way. He hadn’t learned his lesson from last time. He still wasn’t careful enough. Tripping over an old root, no doubt from some ancient tree, in his path. Hand catching an unstable rock, pulling it down with him. With the rock gone a large boulder shifted, moving and falling toward the page before he could get away. The tunnel was too narrow, he could move it time. His mind only had enough time to brace himself for what would surely be a painful death…

Except it didn’t come. No boulder, no death, nothing. Instead a protective metal dome surrounded him, loud noise above him, the sound of shattering rock. And the dome became a bubble around him, pressing him into a compact position. Movement. What was happening? Dark was all he could see, he was moving he knew that much, but to where? After several terrifying moments of internal chaos, Jake was essentially spit out into some grass. Two hands on him, checking his pulse, his face, and a general poking and prodding of various regions. It was Dirk.

“You idiot! I told you not to go adventuring for a while! Didn’t I?! And not only do you ignore me, but you go back to the place that almost got you killed last time?!?” Aside from his bout with depression, this was the most raw Jake had ever seen Dirk. Tears streaming down his face, hands in a vice grip on Jake’s arms, like he was afraid if he let go, Jake would disappear. If he let go, Jake would still be in danger. Like Jake could still be hurt. Upon closer inspection Jake could see that Dirk was nothing short of a mess. His eyes bloodshot, near black circles around them, and bags so large Jake didn’t even know it was possible. His skin was wan and sweaty. His usually perfect hair looked greasy, unkempt, and was sticking up in a thousand different directions. He smelled horribly and was the sight of madness. A pathetic, devoted madness.

Jake’s voice was small. “You didn’t want me anymore, what else was I supposed to do?”

“What are you even talking about?!?” Before a response could be uttered a mechanical bark sounded to Jake’s right.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this marks our half way point in this fic. Well, roughly. I'm moving towards an end now and each chapter will probably cover more time. I'll still experiment a little. But I've come up with more solidified idea of how I want this to end.


	8. Aftermath

Jake turned in the direction of the bark and was met with an adorable steel face. A robotic dog was facing them, perky ears and wagging tail, in the downward dog position looking like a pup that wanted to play. Another playful bark filled the air. Jake had always wanted a dog, a loyal companion to go on adventures with him on his island, a spritely canine to play with. Something to cuddle with at night, and hug when he was scared. A pet to greet him at the door when he got home, and eat the scraps of food on the floor he was too lazy to clean up. He even had a name picked out for it..

“Nemo, sit.”

Jake stared wide-eyed at his boyfriend lethargically commanding to robo-dog. He named it after Jake’s favorite adventurer of all time, Captain Nemo from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. How? How did he know? Jake never told him.

Dirk must have programmed the dog brain well, because it didn’t listen to him and instead began running circles around the boys. Barking and pulling at their clothes, trying to pull them into its frivolity. Dirk sighed running his hands through his dirty hair, rubbing his eyes; he looked exhausted. A few loose tear strayed from his eyes. Jake reached out, but Dirk quickly wiped them away. He was desperately trying to keep a shield that he had yet to realize was completely and utterly destroyed. Fragments were all that remained. His shades were gone, his mind had to be in pieces with how crazed he looked. And yet, he still managed to make this dog and save Jake before his own carelessness got the best of him…wait, “How did you find me?”

Dirk closed his eyes, pressing the meat of his palm where his forehead met the bridge of his nose; like he was trying to massage away pain from nights of squinting at the small pieces that made up his newest creation. Yawning, “When you showed up last night with the gun to my head I had just finished a tracker, put it on the collar of your jacket when I grabbed you.”

“Love…” Jake realized the biggest issue at hand in that moment. He realized there was no way to know when Dirk had last slept. “That was a week ago.”

“Night, week, same thing. From now on you take Nemo with you everywhere, got it? I just need to finish a few things and then he’s yours. Then I gotta get to work on the cameras.”

“What cameras?”

“The cameras for the entire island, I want to see everything that’s going on, study it so I know how to fix it.”

“Fix what? You’re not making any sense.”

“I’m making perfect sense. The place needs fixing, the catacombs are an issue, but it could be spread wider. There’s no way to know the composition of the place because it’s a mix of at least three planets, I think. And anyway, it’s what my purpose is. Jake, I need to exploit the illusion of reality and see into the heart and soul of this place. Actually maybe I shouldn’t I’ll probably destroy it. I destroy things, but not you Jake. You’ll help me right?”

Jake just stared for a moment. Dirk needed sleep, this weird rambling had to be tied severe sleep deprivation. “Yeah, love, I’ll help. Let’s go back to the house.”

Dirk nodded, “Okay, but if we get separated, don’t trust the snakes Jake, they lie.”

“Okay.” Best go along with whatever Dirk says right now.

“And protect the horses. Especially Maplehoof, she’s such a kind horse. Don’t let them hurt her. I’ve got a plan to stop them, but I need Maplehoof.”

“Okay, I promise to protect the horses, but first let’s go back to the house.”

“Yeah, yeah, supplies, we need supplies.”

As the marched back towards the house Jake was texting Hal trying to get information on how to safely make Dirk pass out, while engaging him as little as possible. Hal didn’t respond right away, which Jake knew to be a purposeful action. Hal had an insane ability to process and handle multiple things at once. He wasn’t restricted to a human brain, and he was connected directly to just about every system on this planet. He was ignoring Jake, probably to get back at him for getting Roxy hurt.

Panicking Jake fervently texted details of Dirk’s condition, while keeping his paramour in his line of sight, he didn’t want the boy to faint without someone to catch him.

As they walked in the door, Hal finally advised him. With special diagrams and instruction Jake was to pinch a cluster of nerves at the base of Dirk’s neck. He took several calming breaths, this was for Dirk’s own good. “Love, could you come here a moment?”

Dirk turned around, eyeing Jake with suspicion. “Why?”

“I think I noticed a scratch just under your jaw, let me take a look at it.” Poor wording choice and poor excuse, he’s going to notice.

And notice he did, Dirk uncaptchalogged his favorite Katana, taking a step back and into fighting stance. “Where’s Jake?”

“I’m right here, love.”

“Don’t call me that. Only Jake calls me that. You’re not Jake, you’re an imposter. Where’s Jake? What did you do to him…wait, you had the sensor on you….” A look of horror crossing his countenance. “Oh my god…how long have you been taking Jake’s place? What did you do to him? Did you kill him?” Tears threatening to break from his eyes. “This doesn’t make any sense. Jake wouldn’t word things like that, but you had the tracker on you and you look exactly like Jake…” Dirk drifted into quiet concentration, sword still poised in his hands. Jake was nervous. He didn’t want to set Dirk off. Suddenly Dirk shifted, charging Jake, pinning him against the wall. For as exhausted as Dirk seemed to be, his growing frenzy seemed to override any muscle fatigue he may be feeling. Strong grip on Jake’s throat, a vice grip on his hand that held his phone, and two weary looking orange eye inches from his, probing and wild. The irrational prince’s face leaned in closer, inhaling deeply. “You smell like Jake.” The hand on Jake’s throat relenting, shifting to run the thumb across the page’s lips. Before he knew what was happening Dirk’s mouth was on his, tongue demanding entrance, with or without Jake’s permission. He tasted on stale Doritos, old eggs, and flat soda; which had been left to fester for a month. The boy needed to brush his teeth. Mercifully, he pulled away after a moment. “You taste like him too.” Letting go of Jake completely he began the heart player began to mumble to himself as he paced back and forth. Jake could only catch every couple of words “….timelines….splinters….other splinters…….pizza”

Okay, it was time for Dirk to take a nap. Taking a deep breath Jake tip-toed closer to his boyfriend. He ended up playing a game of red light/ green light with the prince of heart. Every time Dirk turned his back Jake would inch a little bit closer. The boy never reacted, most likely because he had lost his ability to multi-task with the lack of sleep. Finally, Jake was upon him. He reached out, desperately pinching the area at the base of Dirk’s neck. Successfully pinching the nerve cluster Dirk lost consciousness, falling back into Jake, who caught him. He was quickly tucked into bed as the page went to check on Nemo.

Dirk was hazily coming out of what felt like a coma. He was stiff and sore and his head felt like it had a lead weight in it, pressing him further into the pillow. He felt like shit, and he could SMELL himself. He desperately needed a shower. Forcing himself to sit up, woah, not a good idea. Suddenly his head felt like it was a flip-top lid. Like his skull was hinged at the back and was flopping open and closed if he moved too fast. He sat there for a moment, trying to collect himself. Deep breath and stand, deep breath and walk slowly. Moving carefully he turned on the water, disrobed, and stepped into the tub. The hot water on him felt wonderful, ebbing away at his sore muscles and that crick in his neck. He vehemently scrubbed his hair clean, then his body, making sure to do a thorough job. He finished as the water started to become cool, drying off he marched back into the bedroom, completely naked. He looked half-heartedly for some pajamas, but quickly decided it was too much effort and climbed back into bed. As he started to drift off, he noticed Jake sleeping in a chair he must have brought in from the dining room. “Jake” whisper first. “Jake” a little louder. “Hey, Jake English, lord of the ass that won’t quit.” He said this last line in a volume just under a shout. Jake finally stirred.

“Wah?”

“Get in bed. You’re not sleeping in that chair.”

“No, you smell.” Politeness and tact went out the window in his groggy state.

“I don’t anymore, just get in bed.” Now that he thought about it when did he get in bed? Wasn’t he working on something? A yawn interrupted his thoughts…he’ll think about it later. The room was dark, outside was dark, he was tired, Jake was clearly tired, sleep first, logic and rationality later.

Jake climbed into bed without any more fuss and the two were fast asleep in seconds.

 

Dirk woke again, a little more clear-headed, why was he in bed? He was working on something…for Jake…Jake…Jake! Bolting upright Dirk frantically looked around, causing Jake to stir next to him. Dirk allowed himself a breath while Jake just looked at him. How’d he end up in bed? Why was his hair kind of damp, god the taste in his mouth was terrible. He had images of what he’d been up to, he’d probably pulled a couple all-nighters. They usually result in some mild disorientation. He didn’t want to worry Jake, the guy didn’t need to know his habits, best he didn’t know anyway. Dirk really didn’t like the idea of control over his schedule being dictated by someone else. Deciding not to kiss Jake with his foul tasting mouth, he merely gave him a playful smirk and moved to head towards the bathroom.

Only to fall back onto the bead, vertigo is a bitch. He clutched his head for a moment, Jake was asking something, but a slight ringing obscured the questions. After a few seconds all of the symptoms dissipated.

“Dirk, …Dirk? Dirk!”

“Sorry, I was just dizzy for a second, I’m fine.”

“I should think you’d be dizzy, before tonight when’s the last time you slept? You looked exhausted yesterday.” It wasn’t a direct inquiry. More like a musing in the form of a question, Dirk answered anyway.

“I’m not sure.” Did Dirk want to get into specifics? He had a policy of not lying to people. Just something he believed in. Unless of course it was needed for something to work out in a particular way. However, he didn’t like giving out information about his eccentricities, especially the ones that even he could acknowledge were maladaptive. Doesn’t mean he plans on stopping though. When a project gets his attention, it gets his full attention. Now that he thinks about….he had a massive project that he’d been working on.

“Jake, what’s the last thing that happened?”

“You sent some robot canine after me when I went adventuring, called him Nemo. Then you started muttering up a storm. I couldn’t even understand what you were saying.”

Dirk gave him a look that encouraged him to continue.

“With some help from Hal, I, kind of, knocked you out. Then I carried you in here.”

“Why’s my hair wet?”

“You got up and took a shower last night, don’t you remember? It was the only way you got me to sleep next to you again. No offense, love, but you smelled awful.”

Dirk, laughed. Not because of what Jake said, but because he remembered how he woke up last night, and the conversation he had. He realized that, with half memories slowly creeping in, he was up for at least a week. Not good. It’s not completely clear, his memory is like a jigsaw puzzle, several pieces were missing and someone splashed paint that touched nearly every piece. He could still get a vague idea from his memories, but nothing he could put into words. “None taken. Speaking of smelling bad, I need to brush my teeth.”

He got up again, slower this time, and made his way to the bathroom. Somehow the miniscule effort of brushing his teeth and standing there was enough for Dirk to feel tired again. Now that he had already slept some, his brain was pulling him toward that much needed basic requirement of living. Finishing up he went back and collapsed on the bed, asleep in seconds.

 

Jake could tell that Dirk would need a few days to recover. Making some soup so food could be ready any time, he went about retrieving his things from his house. Nemo followed him everywhere. Sniffing the ground, barking, regular dog stuff. Jake found himself growing attached to the little guy, well not so little, standing in its hind legs the dog was taller than Jake.

Nemo brought him a branch, dropping it at Jake’s feet, midway between the two houses. The branch was about as big as Jake was. “Sorry Nemo, I can’t pick that up.” The dog just stared at Jake expectantly, tailing wagging at the anticipated fun they were going to have. Jake tried to demonstrate that he couldn’t physically pick up the branch, bending down to grab it, pulling with all his might. His feet slipped out from under him, resulting with him flat on his back. The robo-dog then proceeded to suffocate him with kisses. Jake giggled turning his head. Dirk had done a great job programing the dog. It was almost real, if it weren’t for the smell of sunscreen on its breath. Taking his hands to shield his face, Jake was able to see that it was, in fact, sunscreen. Dirk was always on him when he came home with a sunburn. Guess he wanted to make sure Jake always had it with him. “Alright boy, let’s go get my stuff and we’ll find some reasonably sized sticks to throw later, okay?” A bark answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Classes are over! And the Davekat story is finished. I have a couple of things that I'm writing for a friend, but other than that, this fic is my focus for my break. With any luck, I'll finish before the new year.


	9. Return of the Berries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a weird chapter.

Dirk woke once again, feeling stiff all over. He sat up stretching his arms, arching his back, and letting his head lean forward. Getting a complete stretch for his upper body before flopping back into bed. Jake stirred next him. Feeling overwhelmingly affectionate, Dirk pulled him closer, nuzzling into his neck. “How long have I been asleep?” he whispered.

Jake stretched out his arm, reaching to grab his alarm clock. 9:30 am. “About another twenty-four hours.”

“I should get up, Nemo still needs some finishing adjustments.”

“mmmn~ Soon, stay here with me for a bit. It’s been ages since we’ve done this.” Jake inhaled deeply, oranges mixed with Dirk’s own scent filled his nose. He smelled so good. Strong hands worked their way under his shirt, tracing his spine. Sighing in content he cuddled closer to his boyfriend, the warmth of the blankets mixing with the warmth of their bodies. It would be a shame to destroy heaven so soon. Feeling soft lips on his forehead and sweet nothings in his ear, he felt a joy take over him. Feeling that what he had experienced over the last month was over. He didn’t want to mention the way it hurt him when Dirk closed himself off like that, he doubt he ever would. A fight would surely result and who wants that? Dirk barely remembered anything anyway. And now everything was going to go back to normal, so what difference did it make? A gentle hand guiding his chin upwards, those soft lips now gracing his, strong arms pulling him tighter until the two bodies were flush against each other. Like Dirk was contact starved and needed every touch to survive. Like Jake was all he needed in the world. This mood wouldn’t last, it never did. Dirk had moments like this, intense affection, words rarely spoken, but when they were it was like a dam breaking and Jake could feel the love overflow. Comforting words of adoration were said in a constant stream unless the lips were otherwise occupied. This was Dirk’s way of affection. At least the most common one. The past few months before Dirk began Nemo were a dream. Jake knew it wasn’t Dirk’s personality though. This was more akin to what their lives would be like together. Nemo had given Jake an insight into Dirk though. Even when there wasn’t any communication, even when it seemed that Dirk would never love him again…Dirk was more devoted than any human on the planet. His affection was shown in unassuming ways, Jake knew this, but he had forgotten how intense that care could be…even at the cost of Dirk’s health. And then there was affection like this, like in the movies where it was light and playful and sweet. It seldom happened, but when it did it meant that much more. Dirk’s affections were like diamonds. Rare and hard to come by, but last forever.

 

A few weeks later things were more or less back to normal. Dirk finished Nemo and demanded that Jake never leave home without the robot. Jake complied, but had mixed feelings. He liked that Dirk cared for him so much that he went to such extents to insure his safety. At the same time though, he didn’t really like being told what to do. He didn’t like being commanded. Should he tell Dirk? The boy meant well though and that’s what counted, right? Best to leave it alone. …Yeah, leave it alone.

Dirk was back on those berries, of course he had to get some fresh ones, but the orchards didn’t seem to have any sort of seasonal flux, thankfully. Probably would once purgatory was incorporated into the real world. ...Halloween was coming up, he heard John tell Jake about a week’s worth of parties he had lined up. Dirk wasn’t really one for parties. Jake wasn’t either. They both committed to attending at least two, but that was probably the max they would attend. In the meantime, Dirk had two weeks before that and wanted to get some research done. Time for berry testing again. Let’s see….well, he’d like to remember more of that month he spent working on Nemo, especially the parts that involved Jake. What happened before Jake had to knock him out? He ate the Beforus grey berry. Sweet juice filling his mouth, instantaneous reaction, unlike the others. It’s like he was tasting his own memories. He was reliving them as they crossed his palate. He felt Jake’s wrist and chin in his hands. His mouth on Jake’s…he remembers how he almost lost it at that point. That kiss reminded him of how long it had been since they last kissed. How much he missed it. …That explains that insane need for affection he had shortly after he woke up. He remembered his neurotic ramblings in the forest…what about those made sense to him? Why did he think there were cameras in the leaves? Why did he think that Caliborn was watching him and destroying their new world? Why did he think Caliborn was after Maplehoof? Dirk massaged his temples… there was something important about it what was it? And then in hit him…because it already happened. That’s the curse of the Prince of Heart, he would always be connected to those versions of him that were destroyed. They were and weren’t a part of him. He hated it, but he refused to bring it up to the others. They’ve already dealt with enough of his shit and some of them had to think he was crazy. Ignorance is the best fucking bliss you could ever have, why couldn’t he have left things alone? Sometimes he couldn’t help but hate his own inquisitive mind. He wrote down his findings. Best make note of them in case he forgets again. Ignorance may be bliss, and he may hate that he can’t leave well enough alone…but there was a compulsion to gather and preserve that information, even if he hated it.

Jake came into his study, noticing the berries. “Don’t you think you should take a break from your projects?” A shy question.

“Little late for that, hun. Besides, you know me, I can’t leave well enough alone.” Muttering the second sentence more to himself, to reiterate his own destructive tendencies to himself than to Jake.

“Maybe…I could help?”

Well that’s an idea…maybe Jake would be willing to…No don’t exploit you boyfriend’s curiosity. It’s not fair, but…god that sounded nice. Maybe offer him a choice? “Here, I’ve crossed out the ones we’ve already tried”

Alternian:

Grey: Forgetfulness

~~Pink: Something about used by Auspistices. Promotes honesty and gentleness in relationships. Used to facilitate conversation.~~

Red: Creates a berserker effect. Irrational anger

Blue: Aphrodisiac

Black: Severe Depression, suicide

Green: Something about promotes indifference?

Purple: Causes intense feelings of loyalty? ...Maybe some sort of brain washing effect?

Navy: Has to do with Pitch relationships. Says it fosters loving hatred.

Orange: Trolls said it was rare. None knew its effect.

Yellow: Causes severe weakness and susceptibility to infection.

 

Beforus:

~~Grey: Memory recovery~~

Pink: Encourages affection in non-sexual relationships. According to the Beforus trolls it was akin to what they assumed the feeling of family must be like.

~~Red: Promotes sensuality in romantic relationships.~~

Blue: Increases suggestibility.

~~Black: They called it “Quiet time” …not sure what to make of it.~~

Green: Promotes compassion

Purple: None of the trolls knew what affect it had.

Navy: Helps regulate vacillating couples

Orange: Confidence booster

Yellow: Increases mental clarity

 

“Which one would you have me try, love?” Truth was, Jake wanted the aphrodisiac. It had been almost two months since he and Dirk had last had sex. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy the cuddles in the morning or their moving watch night, but he was getting desperate. He had taken care of himself in the shower a few times, but it was hardly the same. Taking the aphrodisiac would provide a catalyst for the type of contact he truly wanted.

Little did he know, Dirk felt a similar desperation. He had something else in mind though. “Well, that depends, how adventurous are you feeling?”

“I’m always up for adventure.” Jake was a little confused, but went with it.

“Then,” Dirk used his back to shield his choice. Putting one of the berries in his mouth, he turned around, kissing Jake, feeding him the fruit without the boy knowing what he was in for. Jake couldn’t help, but find it a little exciting. He always loved surprises and the fact that he doesn’t know what’s going to happen would have been terrifying if it wasn’t for the fact that he trusted Dirk completely with his safety. Jake ate the fruit, savoring the almost too sweet flavor as his mouth watered. He swallowed, looking into Dirk’s eyes to see that predatory gaze. The gaze that was always there when they had sex, but every once in a while, it would become so intense that Jake felt was if he would melt where he stands. The gaze that told him he would be getting some tonight, just in what way, he wouldn’t know for a bit. Not that he minded, Dirk was always good at distracting him, like his was now with his lips on Jake’s neck. Time for a small demand of his own though. Gently pushing the blond away, “How about we continue this away from sharp objects and tiny metal pieces? Dirk looked around, forgetting the sheer about of swords and bolts he had lying around, probably would be safest to get somewhere more comfortable.

 

He laid Jake down on the bed, having relieved him of his shirt in the hallway. Letting his pale hand wander down his boyfriend’s caramel chest. “You feel quite relaxed now, don’t you?”

Kind of odd phrasing, but now that he mentioned it, yes Jake felt quite at ease. His muscles relaxed, his mind was half blank, the only thing occupying it was the person above him.

“Tell me.”

“I feel relaxed.”

“Good” Dirk dipped down kissing Jake, eager tongue meeting lazy. Not that Dirk minded, this was exactly how he wanted Jake. Pliable and at his mercy. Moans were already starting to come from Jake as the prince worked his pants off, leaving him completely vulnerable and Dirk only shirtless. The page reached down, fair’s fair. Dirk caught his wrists pinning them above his head, a frustrated whine escaped despite his best efforts to hide it. Dirk’s eyes piercing his own, and a husky whisper in his ear. “Your arms seem to be really heavy, they must be hard to lift.” It was dawning on Jake which berry Dirk had slipped him. His arms did indeed feel heavy. Even when he told himself that everything he was feeling was psychosomatic, it didn’t change anything. He pulled at his own wrists, trying lift them, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure he liked the feeling, until a comforting gentle kiss on his lips and caress on his stomach soothed him. “I’ve got you. I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want. …Are you okay?” The look in his eyes was sincere. Jake nodded and Dirk continued.

Fingertips lightly brushed his already erect cock, his breath hitched as his hips lifted trying to increase the friction, but Dirk pulled away. “You’re so good to me for letting me do this to you. I’m going to reward you with my hot, wet mouth on you. Do you like the way that feels?” Jake shouldn’t be able to feel it, Dirk is still above him, but he could. He could feel Dirk’s mouth on his dick and it was wonderful. He closed his eyes and bit his lip trying to keep his moan in. Dirk’s thumb on his mouth made him open his eyes. He could still feel Dirks mouth on him, but it wasn’t moving, bucking his hips trying to feel more, he couldn’t get what he needed. Whimpering he heard Dirk, roughly breathe in his ear. “Ah ah ah, you want me to hear you. You want to put on a show for me, make me come just to the sound of you.” Yes, he wanted that. He wanted Dirk turned on by him and him alone. He loved Jake’s sounds, Jake wanted to give him what he loved. Moaning the prince’s name loudly Jake kept eye contact, Dirk seemed to like it. He could see the blonde palming himself. “That’s good Jake.” Jake continued, arching his back and plead for Dirk’s dick. Saying he wanted all of Dirk and how he needed all of Dirk. Soft panting as prince opened the fly of his pants, stoking himself a little, but reluctantly stopped. He had a lot more he wanted to do.

Pressing his chest against Jake’s he whispered again. “Can you feel me? Pressing my tip into you? Teasing you?” Jake gasped, he could feel it, moaning at the sensation.

“Please Dirk!”

“Not yet.” Jake’s reactions were having a seriously effect on him, but Dirk wasn’t ready to end things, not by a long shot. He continued his dirty talk, he wanted to see Jake at his limits. “My mouth his moving around you, can’t you feel it? Doesn’t it feel good? My tongue all along your cock and flicking the tip when I pull away enough. Then pushing my head all the way down, do you feel the back of my throat? Do you feel my moans? And you know how much I love sucking you. You love it when I suck you like this.” Yes, yes to all of that. Jake was writhing now and he didn’t care, moans spilling out of his mouth, one after the other. Low, deep, and desperate. Dirk just watched, forcing his mind to stay on track and not relieve himself of the growing tension and discomfort. Hands shaking slightly as he pet Jake’s hair and rubbed his arms. “My dick is in you now, it feels huge in you, but it doesn’t hurt, only pleasure as I rest against that spot that makes you sing.” Jake screamed his name and Dirk almost lost his control. “Yes, just like that. You can’t come though, you feel such intense pleasure, but you realize that you can’t come.”

Jake did realize this, he wanted to so bad, it felt so good. “My dick is slamming against that spot now, and you still can’t come.” Jake arched his back again, hard. He was pulled taught, caught between loving every moment and wanting relief. Whimpers, cries, moans and screams reaching new octaves with his pleasure. Dirk was smiling above him, somewhere between a loving smile and that of sadist. Affectionate kisses on his cheek and forehead, and another gravelly question/command spoken in his ear. “You want my cock in your mouth don’t you? You love the taste of my cum and you know it will let you climax. You want it badly don’t you?”

“Yes, god yes!”

“Beg for it.”

“I want to suck your dick! I want you in my mouth, please Dirk!”

Dirk quickly rid himself completely of his clothing and hovered over Jake, guiding his cock into Jake’s mouth. And Jake gave him all he wanted and more. Hot tongue all over him as he gently thrusted in and out of his paramour’s mouth, bracing himself against the wall. He was trying his best not to choke the boy, but Jake’s tongue and his moans on to Dirk’s dick was making the last shred of self-control Dirk had slip through his fingers. Going harder now, trying his best not to choke Jake, Dirk could feel himself getting close. “Yes Jake, yes. So good, so good. Oh god.” Dirk came into Jake’s mouth, finally allowing Jake himself to come. Both panting, Dirk getting his wits back first, moving and lying next to Jake. Petting his hair and kissing his face. He hoped Jake really did enjoy himself and it wasn’t just the berry. He didn’t want him to feel used. Jake took a bit to come down from his high, glassy eyes starting to focus, the sweat mostly dried on their bodies. Dirk’s breathing had already evened out while the page’s was still a bit labored.

“…So that something new that you’re into, or something I just didn’t know about.”

“More like a continuation, just in reverse. I like power play Jake, you know that well. Sometimes I enjoy dominating you. But when I dominate, I dominate completely.” A sly smirk appearing on his face.

Jake groaned. “Don’t say that right now, I need a few minutes if we’re going to go into round two.”

“Well, it wasn’t meant to get you hot and bothered, but since you mentioned it. Look at me, you know you want to.”

Jake was still under the effects of the berry and couldn’t help himself, he suddenly had an intense desire to look at his beloved. A devious and playful look greeted him…dammit.

“Jake you feel really turned on by just looking at me don’t you?”

Fuck, he was feeling really turned on.

“You can feel the excitement increasing can’t you. When I say your name again you won’t be able to help yourself will you? Look at you, already hard again.”

And he was. He couldn’t tell if he loved or hated what Dirk was doing to him. Body alight again, his labored breathing quickly becoming pants. “God dammit Dirk.” He breathed.

“Jake.” And on command, Jake climaxed once more, Dirk watching him closely, kissing him right after he said Jake’s name.

As Jake felt reality drift in for the second time, he could see an amused smirk out of the corner of his eye. “What?”

“I can’t tell if it’s hot or funny that I can make you come in seconds.”

Jake blushed. “You know, I could be mad.”

“You’re not though, I can tell. Maybe a little embarrassed, but not mad.”

Dirk could always read him easily.

“Although you have no reason to be embarrassed.” A few more tender kisses, and a strong arm wrapped around him as they both drifted in to sweet oblivion.

 

The next morning Dirk checked on Jake. He seemed okay, a little drowsy, but okay. Good, he needed to ask him a question. He hated feeling vulnerable and meek like this. But he didn’t want Jake to see him as controlling. He didn’t want to be controlling, not again. He needed this now, he needed Jake. “Jake….did you really enjoy yourself? Last night, I mean.”

Jake blushed. “Of course Dirk, I always enjoy…those activities with you.”

“I’m serious, I mean you let me choose the berry and everything, but were you really okay with that?”

“I’ll admit…I’ve never felt more vulnerable in my life….and I was uncomfortable with it at first.”

Dirk’s heart sank. Shit, he fucked up, will Jake see this as an ongoing thing? Will it be too much for him to handle?

“But, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it.”

Relief flooded the blonde’s heart, “Really?”

A loving hand reaching out, wiping the tear he didn’t realize he had shed in his fear. “Really. I must say, you having complete control of my very sensations was probably the most intimate thing I’ve ever experienced….you should let me try that on you some time.”

Dirk hesitated, let someone have that much control…it terrified him. Then again, he did just do that to Jake, it would be unfair to deny him, “Deal”. He’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it. Maybe he’ll be more ready then, or perhaps he’ll avoid it. Who knows, he doesn’t want to think right now. Jake is here and warm, and cuddly, he’ll think about it later.

 

 

Today was the first day of John’s week long holiday party. The two decided not to dress-up yet. Wanting to scope out what Egbert had planned. They had heard Jane was helping him, two tricksters planning a party could only mean one thing, trouble. And approaching Egbert’s house told them just how much trouble it would be. The abode was decorated like a haunted house. A scarecrow in the yard near the path that leads to the door. Fake tombstones in yard. Fake cobwebs hanging from the fence and windows. Giant spiders on the deck. Ghost decals on the windows. As the two boys approached door, the scarecrow lunged out, making Jake jump and give an uncharacteristically high pitched yelp, while Dirk stood by unfazed. “Hi Jane.”

“Aww, no reaction? Well, I got Jake’s on video!”

“How?!”

Dirk answered his question, “There’s a small camera taped on the inside of her hat, see the small hole?”

Jake inspected closer, “Oh, DELETE IT NOW!”

“No way.” Jane giggled running into the house as Jake chased after her, getting two steps in the door before an unmanly shriek bled out the door. Dirk smirked to himself, Jake was the easiest person to scare. Casually walking through the door he found Jake on the floor with John in a Pennywise costume leaning over him.

Jake saw Dirk and quickly stood up. “I fucking hate clowns.” Dirk lovingly patted his shoulder.

“Everyone does, hun.”

“Aww Dirk has a pet name for Jake!” Jane exclaimed. Dirk froze, it was Jake’s turn to smile. Jake was always open with his affections, not Dirk though. He was more reserved and didn’t like people seeing that side of him. He did his best to suppress a blush, and failed. “Oh my god, are you blushing?!”

Dirk tried his best to stay composed, Jake doing his best not to snicker at his boyfriend’s reaction.

“No, I’m not.” Attempted monotone voice. “This was great John, thanks for inviting us, we will be going home now.”

“You guys just got here.”

“And have been thoroughly frightened. Great job.”

“C’mon, you guys haven’t even seen the wall of blood!”

Dirk and Jake agreed to continue on through the haunted house. Dirk’s embarrassment subsiding, while Jake’s was renewed roughly every thirty seconds.

“Those two change costumes quickly.” Dirk remarked.

“How the bloody hell to you remain calm, yet get flustered when someone points out you showing any kind of emotion.”

“Different definitions of fear Jake.”

“Whatever.”

“Here’s the blood wall.”

John had given them a flashlight at the beginning. And to Dirk’s knowledge was right behind them, prepared to scare Jake again. When their flashlight landed on the wall. Instead of blood they found one word in bright red letters.

DORKS

“God damn it Terezi! I worked hard on that!”

A cackle could be heard in the distance.  
Notes:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually I add tags after each chapter if I think there's something that should be tagged. ...But I'm not sure how to tag the smut or if I should add anything. Any suggestions?
> 
> Also, is there anything you guys would like to see the boys do? I can't guarantee it'll make it in, but I could use some general couples activities suggestions.
> 
> So, something weird is happening with this story. AO3 didn't put it on the Homestuck feed and the view count hasn't changed since I first posted this an hour ago. Which is odd for me. Usually I'll get at least one view an hour after posting this. So might change the post date on this a couple of times, or delete and repost.
> 
> EDIT: Deleting and reposting seems to have worked. Within seconds the view counter went up! Yay!


	10. The Real Dirk

An empty hallway covered in grime and muck. Was that congealed blood? He couldn’t tell, and he wasn’t about to touch the stuff to find out. He felt really exposed too, bare chest and only boxers covering his lower half. No shades and nothing to protect his feet from collecting the miscellaneous goo that coated the floor. He felt a prickle up his spine, he was being watched. He searched for something to use as a weapon to defend himself, but was met with nothing but empty spaces. His hands trembled as he wandered down the seemingly endless hallway. Finally, he came across a door, no light inside the room, a foreboding energy seeping from it. Part of him knew what he would find, and the other was afraid he was right. Searching for a light switch he came across a pull-string, tugging it carefully, an amber aura filled the room, and on the floor was his friend’s corpse. Blood pooled around her body, eyes still open with her final expression of fear, mouth open with her final cry for help still on her lips, ringing through the silent room, through his head. He bent down, kissing her, hoping something would work, somewhere deep down though, he knew it was too late. Closing her eyes and kissing her on the forehead he positioned her body in a respectful pose, no more limbs in all directions. No longer looking like a cast aside piece of trash. He straightened out her skirt and hair, she always liked to look her best. Cleaning up the blood with sheets from a dirty bed, it wasn’t perfect, but at least it was better. Looking around he spotted some dried daffodils in a cracked and chipped vase on a desk, bone dry. She deserved better, but this was the best he could do. Taking the flowers he gently placed them in her hands, carefully placing them on her abdomen. He looked at her for a moment, lamenting that he couldn’t save her. Apologizing quietly for his poorly dressed state, although she probably wouldn’t complain if she could see him now. She always could put a smile on his face.

After several moments of quiet mourning and stifled tears he continued on. Back into the disgusting diseased hallway, marching toward his fate.

The hallway eventually came to an end. He was greeted with a grimy kitchen and the smell of burnt flesh. Rats scuttled across the floor, but avoided him. Instead they stared for several long moments, as if trying to speak to him. And then scurried off. He followed, unable to contain his curiosity and incapable of ignoring their silent call. They lead him to another corpse, another friend, more horrific a sight than the last. The rats were eating her, well, eating her legs, as her torso was crammed into the oven. Set to 350 degrees with a timer and automatic shut off feature…she was their meal. A gift to the diseased vermin that he could now see all around him. Shaking, he turned off the oven and frantically pulled her out, although he knew she was long dead. Were it not for the charred, yet recognizable t-shit, the girl could in no way be identified. Her face was burned, her eyes welded shut, fingerprints burned off, hair gone, only jagged burn marks left behind. He couldn’t just leave her. Leave her as a meal for the vermin around them, already trying to swarm the corpse. He swatted them away, heart racing in his ears, trying desperately to pull her away. Like he could still save her, if only he could get her out of that room, she could still live. He succeeded in his actions, but failed his goal, she could not be save, she could not be healed, she would not return to any recognizable state. She was dead, and horrifically so. Choking his sobs back and looking around, he realized he was outside, in the backyard. The sky gray and ominous, but the air acrid with the smell of doom and hot as the fiery depths of hell.

Burying his friend in one of the four open plots in the yard, he covered her, muttering apologies under his breath with every shovel of earth he placed on top of her. When she was covered, he fell to his knees, placing his forehead to the dirt. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.” Flowers, he needed flowers, everyone deserved flowers. She had been such a sweet, nice, girl. Nice girls needed flowers on their graves. He looked around, finding her favorite, daisies. They were missing a few petals, and slightly beaten up, but better than nothing. Placing them on the grave he wrote in the dirt under them. _An amazing person, a better friend than I deserved._ And left.

He made his way to the open garage door. Spotting a lawnmower and rakes sticking out. Stepping into the space, unsure what he was even looking for anymore, he noticed a hanging figure. Someone committed suicide. Tears pricked his eyes as his worse fears came to life. His boyfriend’s corpse, hanging there, half bloated, half withered, he had been there a long time. No eyes, only black sockets, a whole in his chest where his heart was supposed to be. Tears streaming down the cheeks of the only one in the whole world who was still alive. He quickly found a knife, desperate to get the boy down. As the limp body dropped into his arms he held it close. A crown of dandelions around his head. The body smelled of death, crushed dreams, and every good feeling he had ever experienced, that the world had warned him not to feel, lest this should happen. He was sobbing into his dead paramour’s chest, silently pleading for him to come back. Even as pieces of rotting flesh came off into his hands, he couldn’t bear to let go.

He stayed like this for quite a while. Until he heard a snicker of derision. “They were cursed, doomed to die because of you.” He looked up to see a phantom image of himself, in his god tier outfit, with a single monkshood flower behind his ear. He seethed at the sight as it spoke again, “You never deserved any of them, you pathetic piece of shit.” The blonde looked on in horror as his phantom produced a beating, bloody, absued, heart from nowhere. “Remember how much he loved you? Remember all that he did for you? You used him to fight your own loneliness and prevented him from achieving true happiness.” The specter began to crush the heart in his hand, fingers digging into the soft organ.

“Don’t!” He jumped up, caught between protecting the body of his boyfriend, and reclaiming that same boy’s heart. Maybe he can still be saved.

“He’s dead you idiot, all of them are, and you killed them.”

“No I didn’t!”

“Really? Let me refresh your memory.”

Images of stabbing Roxy and stuffing Jane in the oven flashed in his mind’s eye. The screams echoed in his ears. Roxy asking why as the knife plunged into her again and again, Jane pleading and shrieking for mercy as he held her in place. No, he didn’t do that, he could never do that. His friends were like family to him, he could never hurt them. The worst though was the images of Jake, kissing him…they had sneaked away for a romantic interlude…he was whispering sweet nothings into Dirk’s ear….and then………………………………………………………………………

……

“No..”…………………………………………….

A demonic laugh, “YES!”

“I could never do that.”

“Yet, you already did.” An arrogant smirk.

“Stop it.” Images of him taking the noose he had already put there and slipping it around Jake’s neck…the poor adventure boy thought it was another kink. Nervously looked into his eyes, but there was trust there, trust he didn’t deserve.

“Stop it!” The near lifeless body, the questioning eyes, the look of betrayal and hurt as Dirk plunged his sword into Jake’s chest.

“STOP IT!!!!”

 

“Dirk!”

His eyes flew open, eyes and face wet. “Jake?”

“You okay?”

Dirk shot up, turning on the light to illuminate the darkness of the bedroom. Eyes scared and wild. He looked at Jake, reached out and touched him, just to make sure he was real. Orange eyes searching green ones for certainty. Green eyes searching orange for understanding.

Dirk took a deep breath, not realizing how breathless he felt until that moment. And another deep breath, and another. Bringing his knees to his chest, and hiding his face. Jake was trying to soothe him, a calm voice off to the side, although any meaning of the words was completely lost. Should he compose himself in the bathroom and pretend that nothing was wrong and that he wasn’t affected? Should he dive into Jake, and let the feeling of the boy ground him. He had never felt more raw and vulnerable and on display. He was really uncomfortable. This was different than even the depression. This wasn’t his thoughts or his moods, or even his own self-hatred…this was his fears, his ultimate fear. He felt like he could break. One touch from Jake and he’d shatter, left alone though, he would fair no better. Flashes of Jake’s corpse jumped through his mind, and he turned to find a pair of caring eyes looking back at him. He reached out pulling the boy close, showering him with kisses. Each kiss reaffirming that he was real, and Jake was real, and okay, and god he was sorry. Even if it was a dream, the guilt that he felt was real. He’s so sorry Jake, please forgive him. He never wanted to hurt you, he never wanted to see you like that. He’s done everything in his power to prevent that. And oh, god, what if he lost it one day and killed Jake? When he was unstable after so many sleepless nights he could have done it. He almost did. No, he loves you, please, please forgive him. The page in question merely let out a series of baffled noises. Gently pulling him away.

“Wha- Dir-love- What happened?”

Dirk just shook his head, if he spoke of it, then it becomes real again. If he thinks about it the dream gets new life. Pulling Jake in again, burying his face in the boy’s neck. The prince hated himself for being this needy, for being this emotional and showing this level of vulnerability. But the thought of not hugging Jake or holding him or making sure that he was okay and real was unbearable.

He didn’t trust himself though, he even said it himself in the dream….he’s capable of killing them isn’t he? Would he ever maliciously hurt Jake? “You shouldn’t trust me.” He muttered.

“Shh, stop with that nonsense. I love you so much. I promise whatever dream you had isn’t real. Even if it was a different reality, it isn’t this reality Dirk. That you isn’t the you that’s here. You are different than all the other Dirks. And I’m not about to let anything get you.” Jake’s whispers were comforting, and the circles he traced up and down the blondes back brought him back down from the edge of his impending cataclysmic breakdown. Jake could feel him relax. “It’s only 5am, let’s get some rest, yeah?” Dirk nodded but held on. If he let go everything may disappear. Jake smiled into his messing hair, holding him closer before slowly relaxing his grip as the abyss called him into its depths. Dirk was more reluctant to dive head first into the void. Would the chasm lead to heaven or another hell? Gripping Jake softly, the boy whose chest his head was buried in would be his life preserver in the sea of dreams. He hoped the waters would be tranquil, but if not, he had something that wouldn’t let him drown. And with that thought he sank into an intermittent, but mercifully dreamless slumber.

 

They woke some time later. It was the day after John’s big Halloween bash. Tricks to irritate every poor bastard who attended were the main event. John and Jane with their never ending bag of pranks, most of which Dirk avoided, but he hadn’t expected Roxy to spike the punch. Probably what facilitated his dreams. Dirk’s inhibitions ran deep. They didn’t just restrain his actions, they restrained his thoughts, and the alcohol was enough to loosen the grip…considering he ended up shit faced drunk. Jake was nice enough to tuck him into bed and deal with him in the middle of the night. That boy’s kindness knew no bounds though, because he greeted Dirk with eggs and bacon when he entered the kitchen. No hangover, which was odd, but Dirk took what little fortunes he could without complaint. He smiled at Jake, still a little off kilter from the previous night’s dream, images still flooding his mind as he did his best to fight them off. It didn’t help that his hand shook as he ate, which Jake noticed.

“Want to talk about it?” Taking a bite of his own breakfast.

Dirk rubbed his eyes, “No. It’s stupid anyway, I’m over it.”

“….” He clearly wasn’t over it. Jake wanted to press the issue, but at the same time he wasn’t sure how much Dirk could take. Jake had never seen him as scared as he was last night. Like he had just witness a horrific vision. Best leave him to it and allow him to come around in his own time. Jake had learned a secret though, a secret Dirk didn’t know that he knew. Jake had learned how to respond to Dirk’s emotions. If he was anxious or worried, offer comforting words, but for the love of god don’t touch him. When he was angry or frustrated, leave him to sort things out on his own. He doesn’t want to be helped. When Dirk’s scared or sad though, he likes low-key cuddles. I.e. cuddles that don’t seem like comfort cuddles, but actually are. He can’t make it seem like he’s cuddling Dirk to make him feel better. Dirk will push him away, like it’s beneath him to need comfort…like he’s not allowed to have comfort. This seemed to subside during his depression a few months back, but was quickly reinstated when he felt better. If Jake can work it to where Dirk thinks it’s Jake’s request, not his offer of comfort, the blonde will happily settle in and enjoy every moment of it.

“Love, we’ve been going out every day lately. How about a day of binge watching something?”

“What’d you have in mind?”

“Well, we never finished Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or there’s Star Trek.”

“Buffy sounds good.”

“Great.”

They settled in, once everything was connected and the show started to play, Dirk practically jumped into Jake’s arms. Not that he’d ever admit that. He was tough and wasn’t scared of anything. Just before the show started, Dirk gave Jake a tender kiss. “I love you.” He was dead pan, serious, poor thing was nervous about something.

“I love you too, love.” A gentle kiss back. Dirk gave him a soft smile before cuddling closer. He really hated how much he let a stupid dream affect him. Just…Jake’s body in his arms, the feeling of kicking the chair out from under him. No, he wasn’t going to think about it, not now.

Dirk ended up drifting in and out of consciousness for most of the day. Every once in a while he was lulled into a peaceful sleep by Jake’s rhythmic rubbing on his back. Sometimes he’d simply close his eyes and wake up an hour later. At one point Jake said he wanted a break from TV for a few minutes and insisted on rubbing Dirk’s shoulders, saying he could feel the tension with the blonde laying against him. Dirk couldn’t deny he loved Jake’s shoulder rubs. Adventure boy had strong hands and it did wonders for loosening the tension Dirk carried in his back...Dirk’s perpetual sleepiness throughout the day though took over when Jake had managed to massage him into complete relaxation. He woke up to the Buffy theme song, apologizing to Jake. The boy just shook his head though.

“You had a rough night, I’m happy to see you get some rest.” Pausing the show, he cupped the blonde’s head in his hands, moving his lips against the other’s, sweet and slow and comforting. Dirk relaxed into it. Allowing himself to get lost in the sensation, arms around Jake’s neck deepening the kiss. Jake placed his arms around his paramour’s waist pulling him in. Separating from the kiss, lips now barely touching. “I wish you would tell me what has you so spooked.”

“…Never trust me Jake. Promise me that if I ever take you some were with pointy objects and rope, you will run.”

“Where did that come from?”

“Nowhere, I just need you to promise me that.”

“I promise? I really can’t understand your point, love.”

“….”

That was all Jake was going to get. He was as perplexed as ever.

 

Dirk continued to feel distracted by the phantom images from that horrid dream and subsequent dreams he had the following nights. Thankfully Jake hadn’t been woken up for those, but they were just as unbearable for Dirk. He managed to push them out of his mind for the most part, but they kept resurfacing. Could he hurt his friends like that? Was he capable of such cruel and horrific acts? The truth was he didn’t know. He had sent Jake his decapitated head and made him kiss it….If he was willing to do that to himself, what would he be willing to do to others? One part of him tried to rationalize that they are completely different circumstances. He had to do what he did to save lives. But then, can’t anything be rationalized by the right logic? What if he came up with some convoluted justification when he was mad or something? He needed more time to think. He shut himself away in his study for a few days. Coming out only to eat, sleep, and bathe. He didn’t want Jake to know his thoughts or ask too many questions. Kept conversation light and managed to redirect it whenever Jake asked what he was doing.

There was a knock on his study door as he stared down at his research project. Quickly eating the yellow Beforus berry, he got up and opened the door. It was Dave. “Sup.”

“Sup.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Jake called, said you might need someone to talk to?”

Dirk just eyed him for a moment, “….Yeah, come in.” He might be able to get some information on his other self.

Dave sat down in the only chair in the room, while Dirk hopped onto his now clean and organized worktable. Wanting to think and not liking the subject tended to make him want to organize things, if only to keep his hands busy.

Might as well get to the point. “So…what was I like as your Bro?”

“What?”

“My alternate self, I mean I know I-he, was an asshole, but what was I like? How did I act? Did I do sickening things? Was I-he a really horrible person?”

An awkward silence filled the room. The time player shifting uncomfortably in the other’s piercing and unwavering gaze. Even with the shades on, he could still feel the intense stare. Dirk waited several minutes expecting an answer when he realized how uncomfortable he was making Dave. “Never mind, I didn’t mean to be creepy or some shit.”

“Is that why you’ve been weird? You think you’ll turn into my Bro?”

“No.”

“Okay, then what?”

“Quid pro quo, I’m not saying shit without some information for myself.” He wasn’t thrilled about sharing anything with Dave. Not that he didn’t trust him, but it was hard enough remembering to be open Jake.

Dave gave him a thousand yard stare. Mouth slightly parted. Hands clutching the fabric of his god tier pants. “He was….childlike sometimes. I acted as the parent trying to calm him down. Other times when he was mad I, erm….he took it out on me. For the most part he ignored me or we’d strife, I didn’t want to, but I wouldn’t classify him as angry then. It was more like it was a game for him.”

“Right, I remember you telling me that, sort of. I was a sadistic fuck, right? …Did you ever fear for your life?” The sentence came out dead pan, but the tension it created was as dense as iridium. Dave seemed completely spaced out, subconsciously crossing his arms and pulling his knees to his chest. That was all the confirmation Dirk needed.

“I’ve been questioning my own sanity and what I’m capable of lately. I don’t want to go into the details, but I’ve been thinking of ways I could stop myself, should I become uncontrollable.” It didn’t make much sense, but it was all he was giving out.

Dave just stared at him. Not much of an explanation, but now, more than anything, he just wanted a different topic of conversation.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. Uh…is that it?”

“For me yeah, what about you? Any questions?”

“Nah, just …take care of yourself man.”

“Will do. …Oh, wait, yeah, one more thing.” He grabbed the office chair Dave was in, pushing him so the chair would glide away from his computer. “So I have this thing I was working on a while back, and I’ve been thinking about moving forward with it again. I need music though, I mean I have my raps sure, but I think the series would be better with some diversity in the music. Here, listen to this:”

_“A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep. Welcome to Night Vale.”_

Dirk played half of the podcast for Dave, by the time he decided to pause it, Dave was laughing so hard he almost fell out of the chair. “You are so fucking weird, but that was awesome. I’m not sure your voice works for that. We should have John read it.”

“I don’t know, one, I think it would freak him out, and two, I think his voice is a bit too goofy for it.”

“Hmm….you have a point. Let’s run through our options.” The two started talking through all of the males currently with them in purgatory. Most ended up in the “no” pile simply for the fact that their voices wouldn’t work. Karkat’s voice almost worked if they could get rid the gravel sound, but Dave was pretty sure he wouldn’t have the patience to do it on a regular basis. When the realization hit them that it had to be someone willing to devote enough time and energy to it, they decided it had to be one of them and started pitching voices to each other.

“No, no, Cecil is very camp, but at the same time slightly menacing and okay with some really crazy shit.” Dirk said to Dave’s latest attempt. Dave nodded and tried again, but still fell flat. It was missing something. Dirk thought about it for a moment and tried himself, Dave started laughing.

“That, that right there is IT.”

“You think? I want to hear how it sounds on recording.” Dirk carefully recorded the first few lines and played it back. A genuine grin appearing on his face. “That’s definitely it, but I think I should work on my delivery some.”

“How long have you been working on this?”

“Not that long really. I actually started before the game, but forgot about it. I only have this one episode and wanted to bounce ideas off of someone, but didn’t want to scar the others.”

Dave nodded. “This should totally be a series. I want to hear more of this shit.”

“I need a new topic.”

“How about a tornado that spits out dead animals?”

“Tornadoes cause a lot of destruction though Night Vale isn’t that big, it’s just a town. And if it’s spitting out dead animals, what’s its goal?”

“To run the fucking school board. If kids don’t go to school they kill the shit out of things, it’s a warning.” Dirk was laughing again at this point.

“Then it should be something that can hang around more.”

“Like a cloud? Those fluffy bastards laze around all day.”

“Yes, and it will glow with some fucking disco lights or some shit.”

Dave was laughing now. “Yes, all hail the fucking glow cloud principle motherfuckers.”

The two had fallen into a fit of giggles. They ended up high fiving each other and then looked at each other in horror of their own dorkiness. “That was an ironic high five.”

“Absolutely.”

The two continued to bounce ideas off of each other late into the day. Mostly seeing if they could make the other laugh and try to outdo each other on the level of insanity in their ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dirk and Dave are the creators of Night Vale and Dirk wrote Carlos with Jake in mind. He wrote it as an extension of his many selves, he wanted a version of himself that was proud and happy and had no insecurities, this is my head canon.


	11. WTF is going on?

Dirk walked down another hallway, barren and empty with soft echoes of a piano bounced off the walls, only just gracing his ear. He recognized it vaguely, but couldn’t find the name. The hall appeared slanted and changing causing him to stumble and fall several times. All of the doors boarded up, forcing him to take a linear route towards the music. The melody quietly receded before bleeding back through the corridor. Dirk had no choice but to follow. The haunting piece making everything look abandoned and without purpose…just like him. He wasn’t wanted anymore, he wasn’t needed anymore. Every one saw him for what he really was and didn’t want anything to do with him. How did he know this? It’s just there. Like an ultimate truth, unyielding, unexplainable, but evident and precise nonetheless. He suddenly felt very lonely, each step harder than the last. He just wanted to lie on the floor and become one with the vacuity that existed in this hallway. Nothing mattered anymore. He wasn’t wanted anymore. The universal constant was that he was the biggest fuck up in all of paradox space that “would be better off dead”. He looked up, those weren’t his thoughts, it was a voice, a voice he had no control over, a voice that had no sound, meaning being convey directly to his mind…but they were not his own thoughts…but they were. Curiosity drowning out his previous dejected disposition, fueling him forward as the music became louder and louder and he was faced with a great splendid cathedral style room, stained glass all around blues on one side and blood red on the other. Colors melding onto the maroon clad figure at the piano in the middle. No pews, no alter, only the little mad man playing his tune. As he turned to look, Dirk could see himself once again. Lucidity made a presence in his mind…he was dreaming again and he was getting tired of this. “Why do you keep entering my dreams?”

“Only you can answer that Dirk.”

“Are you part of my subconscious or an alternate self?”

“….”

“Fuck, COME ON! You have been plaguing me every night for three fucking weeks now! I don’t know what kind of fucking game you’re playing, but I’m tired of it. I’m tired of waking up exhausted and keeping things from Jake. I’m tired of being aware of how fucked up I can be. WHAT THE FUCK TO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?” He didn’t have to be stoic, not here, not with himself. Fuck that Dirk, he didn’t deserve a calm and reasonable discussion, he tried that last week, even though the bastard didn’t deserve it, not with the visions he had insisted on. Realization dawning on him all of the manipulations with the nonexistent world. “Komm, Süsser Tod, really?”

“It’s one of our favorites.”

“I know, but-HEY WE ARE NOT THE SAME! I’ve made damn sure I won’t be like you. I’ll never be like you. If there is one Dirk in all of PARADOX FUCKING SPACE that is WORTHY of ANYTHING good in his life, it’s me. I fought damn hard to be where I am. So why are you fucking plaguing me?!”

The double laughed. “You really think you’ve come so far to deserve all you have? I’m you Dirk, I know when we’re bluffing and trying to convince ourselves of a lie. You didn’t do jack shit to get where you are. Without Hal you never would have come up with that plan.”

“Hal is me.”

“No he isn’t, he’s better than you. He’s the you that you could never be. If it wasn’t for him you wouldn’t have Jake, you wouldn’t have anyone, because everyone would be dead. He was the real mastermind behind the plan, right?”

“You never answered my question, why are you here?”

“Changing the subject? Because you can’t face the piece of shit you are?”

“I’m better than you.”

“We are the same person. Face it, no matter what you do, you will always be you. At most, people can only really change about 10%, and that isn’t enough to change how fucked up we are.”

“Did you come just to make me feel worse about myself?! Why the fuck did you even show up!? And what do you want?!”

Silence and a cold glare that matched its reflection.

“Answer me! I’m so sick of this shit!”

A devious smile, “Alright, I’ll tell you, but you won’t like it. I’m not completely in your head, but I’m not completely a separate self either. I’m a blend of your worst fears and your possible reality.”

“…?”

“You should tell Jake about me. Ask him some questions, then you’ll understand.”

“Yeah, I’ll get right on that.” A sarcastic reply “Fuck you. And you still haven’t answered my question.”

A playful smirk, “That’s your problem, you still haven’t changed. You can’t break free of that ten percent. Now, I think I’ve spill enough information. Time to wake up.” The double walked up to him, glowing hot blade in hand, bringing it down to Dirk’s neck.

 

Dirk shot up, a cold sweat covering him and a shuddered breath leaving him as he realized where he was. Jake stirred next to him. “mmmn~, you okay love?” Too groggy to see Dirk’s true stare.

Dirk swallowed and regained his composure. “I’m fine hun, I’m fine. Go back to sleep.” Jake gave an assenting nod and snuggled into his pillows, while Dirk moved gently out of bed and tried not to make it look like his was running towards the bathroom.

He looked at his reflection, checking for cuts or burns, but found nothing. Deep breath, water on the face and a desperate denial of the tears he felt prick his eyes. It had been so long since he had a good night’s rest. He was feeling so worn down. He had to know what the purpose of this was. Why, why was he being tortured like this? Drying his face and flushing the toilet (best Jake not realize he was having a mini breakdown), he made his way back to bed. Jake’s back was facing him and he was glad for that, his eyes were probably a little red. He most likely wouldn’t sleep anymore tonight, but just holding Jake felt like a grounding. Like he could turn things over in his mind, with a constant reminder that this reality does exist, it isn’t in his head, it’s not doomed…it’s real and it’s his. He let his arm drape over Jake’s sleeping figure as he placed gentle, barely there kisses on the back of his head and shoulders. He was rarely this sentimental or this tender in his affections. He was never one for showing himself completely if he could at all avoid it. To this day he still curses himself for letting Jake see him fighting Brobot, letting Jake take care of him. A wave of self-loathing washed over him. He was so fucking pathetic sometimes…but Jake didn’t run. He wasn’t about to make him deal with more shit. No way was he saying anything about the dream, although….what could Jake know about it? His other self made it seem like Jake had some knowledge he didn’t on the subject.

Dirk was able to doze on and off, unable to achieve true sleep again, but rested enough to survive the day. At some point Jake escaped Dirk’s grasp, foggy memories of him whispering good morning filled Dirk’s mind.

And there Jake was, breakfast in hand. One of these days Dirk should get up early for Jake and make him breakfast. It’s been a while since he’s done that. The sweet adventurer’s face beamed at him as he carried the eggs and bacon into their room. Dirk had difficulty getting up recently (for obvious reasons), Jake was such a sweetheart. Taking the plate Dirk dug in. Food always helped, more grounding, more evidence that this was real. The bacon’s texture, taste, and aroma couldn’t have been so perfectly replicated in a dream right? No, it couldn’t be. …He’s starting to overthink things again, GOD he needs sleep. His stoic face is failing, Jake’s looking at him with concern. “Love, you look tired, are you sleeping well?”

“I’m fine.” Play it off, come on let the face be stoic and not look pissed off.

“…okay.” Jake knew though, knew something was wrong. He wanted to push it. Like he had done before with the food, but he hates arguing and pushing Dirk in any way that leads to arguing. He’s tired, Jake knows he is. …He looks worried about something too. Setting the plate down carefully on the bed, he leaned over, gently grasping Dirk’s chin and kissing him kindly. As he pulled away, a small smile appeared on the blonde’s lips before they fell back to his trademark line. Should he ask Jake? Or not? No, he needs to at least create some sort of understanding on his own first. Have some sort of baseline. What’s in-between something real, but from an alternate timeline, and something completely made up in his own mind.

After breakfast a few loving kisses were shared. Dirk learned from the last time that not providing any reassurance makes Jake antsy. He wants to avoid that, so now he has taken to at least one loving gesture a day just to reiterate that he still held affection for that adventure boy. Jake was satisfied with the arrangement. He knew he couldn’t stop Dirk from working on his projects and the compromise was enough, at least for now. He licked his genius’ lips and was granted entrance, the blonde’s inhibitions down, he’s either horny or struggling with his lack of sleep. With the rare instant submission of his usually very dominant boyfriend, he guessed the latter.

Eventually they separated and Dirk left for his study. A closed, locked door was all Jake would see of his boyfriend for a while. He decided to take Nemo on some adventuring, no point in sitting alone when he could have fresh air fill his lungs. On the way out he heard Dirk start blasting some music. It sounded like something classical, Jake was never good with that stuff. He shrugged and left, wandering aimlessly wherever the spirit of adventure would take him.

Dirk was listening to Come Sweet Death, in the hopes of recalling the dream more vividly. Listening to it brought him back to the hallway, this song was probably forever ruined for him now. He began writing down what he could remember with as much detail as he could manage. Even after listening to the song several times and writing a complete narrative of the dream, Dirk couldn’t help but continue to listen to the song. What was it about this song? Why had the other him chose it? Was it just because he liked it? Was it to torture him with thoughts of that depression episode? …Was it something else?

The lack of sleep only served to full his obsessive nature. He listened to the piece again and again until, at one point, he realized there were tears in his eyes. Fuck, he took a deep breath and all of the emotion from the dream and the song melded into one and he felt overwhelmed. He felt as if reality were collapsing in and his form was too weak and frail to hold it up. He felt a thousand forces tearing into him and the many versions of him tearing at the very fabric of space around him. A new piece was being played, Little Fugue in G minor, another Bach piece. It was an organ playing. He scrambled to find his sword, killing as many of himself as he could. Their blood, his blood, coated him like a new skin. Clinging to him, marking him. The others continued to flood in one after another, until the world melted away and he was confronted once more with himself, on the edge of a cliff this time.

“Why the fuck won’t you leave me alone?!” Blood somehow gone.

The double merely continued to play. This guy can’t be him, he doesn’t know how to play. And as the song came to an end Dirk found himself at the piano, hands resting on the keys.

“Play something.”

“You fucking know I don’t know how.”

“For someone who can think of limitless possibilities you love placing restrictions on yourself don’t you? It’s a dream dumbass. Now play.”

“What makes you think I would do a god damned thing you want me to?”

“Because you’re curious of what I want and why I’m here. You want to know if what I say is true. Besides, I know I’ve been a dick. There hasn’t really been any reason for that, I’m just…angry. Anyway I need you to trust me.”

“You showed my friends dead to me and you’ve killed me twice…why…the….FUCK….should I trust you.”

“Because I’m you.”

“But you’re not me, you said it yourself.”

“You are conveniently forgetting the vagueness of my earlier declaration. Ask Jake asshole.”

“I’m not giving anyone another reason to think I’m crazy or to see how fucked up I am.”

“Well, then you’re stuck here. This place is and isn’t in your head. I control the walls, I control this reality.”

“Fucking how?”

A sad look appeared on the doubles face. “…Jake….”

“…”

“…”

“Okay, that’s not really an explanation.”

“It is if you stop being an idiot and think about it.”

“Well, I haven’t gotten much sleep in the past several weeks thanks to you. So how about you just say what you fucking want already.”

“How about you play?”

“What the fuck is with your hang up with fucking Bach?”

“Play.”

“If I play you better fucking tell me something.” He was seething now, he’s tired of these fucking games.

“Fine, just play.” Dirk played Great Fugue in G minor, how and why he was able to play it perfectly he’ll never know. Truth is he understood the guy’s hang up on Bach, he was the same way. The music had a haunting quality to it that he was drawn to. As he played the many versions of himself surrounded the piano, sitting down, listening to his piece.

When he finished, the first variation, which Dirk decided to call Beta in his head, joined the circle. “These guys all have something to say to you. There were five of them all looking at him. An understanding dawned on Dirk.

“I thought the dream bubbles were gone?”

“They are, I set these up and only versions of us can enter here. Look, it seems that you are the only version left that hasn’t fucked things up royally in purgatory. So, I figured it’s about time you learned what NOT to do.”

Each of the Dirks stood up, everyone one of them covered in something. Two in blood, another some weird plant, one in sweat, and the last in some translucent glaze. Dirk wanted to ask, but wasn’t given the chance before Beta started speaking again.

“You don’t get to ask questions. You shut the fuck up and listen for once in your fucking life. You don’t know anything, you don’t even know what you don’t know. So just listen to what they have to say.”

And for once Dirk did as he was told.

Dirk one: “Give up on those berries, you don’t realize the danger they can do. I fucking died because I took the one that causes infection. Worst decision I ever made. It isn’t infection the way you and I think infection is. That shit was a parasitic algae that slowly ate me from the inside out. It was unbelievably painful and Jake….” A choked sob and tears down his face. “Jake tried so hard to save me. God, I couldn’t even speak, I couldn’t say I’m sorry.” And the duplicate dissolved into a fit of muffled hysterics.

Dirk two: “I’m going to second that. I took the depression one, you thought you had depression, nothing compared to what that felt like. The worst part was that my ability to plan was out the fucking window, I couldn’t process like I could before…Jake found me in the tub with my wrists slashed. He had stepped out because he needed a break from me, not that I could blame him, I was worse than a mess. I was only alone for ten minutes before he came back, he had been worried, hadn’t realized I stashed a razor. His body felt so warm against mine when he held me close. Begging me not to die, apologizing. …Fucking talk to him okay? Tell him about the shit you experience. Tell him your nightmares. That guy is the best you’ll ever have, he deserves to know how you’re doing and going through. Get over yourself and your fucking guarded paranoia and talk to him.”

Dirk three: “I have to disagree with these two to a certain extent. Not all of them lead to horrific consequences. That aphrodisiac one was fucking awesome, Jake liked it too.”

“How did you die?” Dirk’s, the real Dirk, the current Dirk, his voice only barely above a whisper. In shock from the realities he was now forced to face.

Dirk Three: “….I died from a berry too. That forgetfulness berry. You don’t just forget things, you forget how to live, how to breathe or eat or think. I forgot who Jake was, but I’ve been cursed with the fucking memories. It’s like I’m watching a movie, seeing him crying, asking me if I could remember anything. At one point I forgot how to inhale, what it felt like, how to do it. He was breathing for me, frantically calling Hal in between breaths how to fix it. He ended up hyperventilating, whether from trying to keep me alive or through his own panic of trying to save me, I’m not sure. He passed out though, and I laid there trying to force my body to work in a way I couldn’t figure out, terrified and lonely.”

So Jake always pays, Jake paid for every fucking mistake in every fucking reality.

Dirk four: My death didn’t have anything to do with the berries. Did you know that our little purgatory is fragile? Did you know that you are not capable of examining the material of the bubble? If you try the world collapses in on itself. Everyone is covered in some shit that deprives the body of moisture and oxygen we die. I think part of me wanted that though. Jake broke up with me after I continued to push him away, yet domineer over him at the same. He couldn’t take it. He’s smarter than you realize. He’ll find the cameras in Nemo, and he’ll feel betrayed and violated. He can handle a lot of things, but deception isn’t one of them, especially when it serves no purpose other than to fulfill our fucking creepy, paranoid, obsessive, tendencies. Tell him about everything as much as you can. I wish I had.”

Dirk five: “I’m going to have to back him up with the honesty thing. I didn’t make Nemo, but I didn’t share anything with Jake either. I never talked to him or let him know what my inner world was like. There were several points when he was practically begging me to talk to him, to let him in. And I couldn’t.” Tears started to fill his eyes. “I caught him masturbating and Jane’s name was the one he called out. Of course I didn’t say anything until he fucking caught the slashes on my arms. He was so frustrated and clearly felt trapped. I told him to get the fuck out of my life and that I knew he no longer had feelings for me. It turned into a whole argument, I called Jane horrible names and it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t even Jake’s fault, it was mine. I fucking lost it and used my blood to write his messages on the walls until I bled out.”

With that the Beta Dirk stepped forward, “My timeline is the closest to yours in regards to events. The space you guys are in is very fragile and considering there were only four official players for your session, it wasn’t mean to hold as many as it has. There will be an obstacle and you aren’t going to like how things play out, but you need to fucking accept it and work with the situation the way it is, not the way you want it to be.”

“How did you die?”

Beta just shook his head, “We’re out of time. You’ve technically been out for hours. Jake should be back soon.” And with that he took out that trade mark sword of Dirk knew too well. Instinctively moving back, searching for weapon of his own, but coming up empty. One of the Dirks was back to play Little Fugue, like this is some fucking game with a soundtrack. Another kicked him in the back of the knees, making them buckle. He could feel himself screaming, the music was the only thing that filled his ears though as that blade once more came down on his chest.

 

He woke with a jolt, Come Sweet Death was still playing, he had put it on a loop. There was knocking at the door. Turning off the music he could hear Jake’s voice too. “DIRK! WHAT’S GOING ON?! ARE YOU OKAY? THAT SONG HAS BEEN ON FOR FUCKING HOURS. IT’S DEPRESSING AND JANE CAME BY AND TOLD ME WHAT IT WAS. WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO SUCH A DEPRESSING SONG? TALK TO ME COME ON.” Calmly walking to the door, Dirk opened to see his boyfriend there, a slice of cake in his hand. “You need to talk, love?” He looked scared and worried.

The moments and stories in his dreams flashed before his eyes. Reaching out he tenderly caressed Jake’s face as the page looked at him in confusion. This is real, this is reality. Jake still cared. He still wanted Dirk, he wasn’t dead, no one was dead. Leaning forward he captured Jake’s lips with his pulling away only briefly “I love you.” Before another kiss “I love you so very much.” And another “So very much, Jake.” Wrapping his arms around Jake, holding him close, allowing a small trickle of tears escape as his page continued to as questions and all he could do was cling.


	12. Breakthroughs and Sudden Stops

Dirk told Jake everything, all of it. Every dream he had, every thought and emotion that had been going through his mind the past few days. He told him the little detail of cameras in Nemo’s eyes. He told Jake how he was afraid of his own capabilities and how he could see himself do those horrid things in the dreams, because he’s that fucked up. It was like acid was falling from his mouth. Every word was painful and felt like it would scar their relationship beyond recognition. He refused to show emotion, keeping his stoic face and tone of voice was the only thing that made the situation bearable. As he finished he just looked at the pained expression on Jake’s face. He messed up everything. The page was clearly horrified and it was Dirk who had put him in such a state. He’s sorry, he’s so sorry. He felt the tension wind in his chest, slowly collecting every last bit of energy in his body and settling in his stomach. It hurt, but he didn’t have the right to hurt or feel pain after what he just told Jake. The boy was probably disgusted, he probably would want to break it off, he probably didn’t want to have anything to do with Dirk again.

That wasn’t what Jake was feeling at all though. He grabbed the blond and brought him into a crushing hug. “I’m so sorry that you’ve been dealing with this all on your own.” Kisses on the top of the head as Dirk’s emotional wall came tumbling down.

“Don’t ap-apologize. I didn’t want to talk about it. …You’re not mad?” He’s not going to cry, he’s not going to cry.

“Okay course I’m not mad.”

“I’m a monster Jake, I could hurt everyone.”

“Oh poppycock. Dirk I love you and you are very masculine, but you couldn’t hurt a fly. Well…unless that fly was threatening someone you loved or the fly had to die so it could live…if that makes sense. My point is, love, you are not nearly as heartless or cold as you like to think you are. We’ve lived together for several months now. You think I didn’t notice that you always captured spiders and released them, refusing to kill them? You think I didn’t notice that sensor by the door for when I sleep walk? You are the biggest softy.”

“Jake….Jake that’s sweet, but really….my head goes to some ….unfortunate places.”

“Those are only thoughts. You are not your thoughts Dirk. You are only the thoughts you commit to, the thoughts you use, the thoughts you assent to.”

“Heh, when did you get so philosophical?” A sniffle, yet slight cheered voice.

“…”

“…Jake?”

“Sorry, it’s nothing. I got philosophical because of you, you dope. You really think a fella can sit with his boyfriend going on and on about things you don’t understand and not want to better himself? You’re amazing.”

“No, you’re amazing Jake. You put up with an insane amount of bullshit.”

“We’ve both put up with bullshit.”

Kisses and cuddles were exchanged, soft coos toward each other of reassurance and love. After a while, Dirk realized Jake didn’t respond to the bit about his nightmare self mentioning the page.

“Jake, do you understand why my other self said you would understand the situation? Why he thinks you would know how he could be both real and not real?”

Jake tensed and retracted his arms slightly from around Dirk. “Er…it’s complicated.”

“Explain it, please.”

“Well, okay, so….there was this dream, sort of. It’s kind of choppy in my mind. You were there and said there was supposed to be this blue alien woman and that I had kissed her, but she brought about destruction in that timeline so you killed her. But it wasn’t really you, he called himself Brain Ghost Dirk and apparently he was the creation of when my powers and your powers interact? Or something? Anyway, he said it was because of my power that he could still talk to me through timelines, but because you were having difficulties managing your splinters he may or may not continue to exist. He hasn’t really been back, I’ve been caught between whether it was just some crazy dream or if it was something I was doing. It felt so real.”

Dirk was silent for a few minutes. “So this Brain Ghost Dirk was the result of my powers and your powers mixing together?”

“Yeah.”

“So in a sense he was real and not real?”

“Yeah…wait, what does that mean? Is the Dirk from you nightmare Brain Ghost Dirk?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Dirk started biting his nails, a habit when his thoughts were moving faster than even he could keep up with. “The Dirk from my nightmare mentioned purgatory, so I think he is from a different timeline that was able to get further ahead. But he fucked up somewhere. And it was his connection with your alternate self that has allowed him to maintain some weird dream bubbles that only I myself can get through. That explains why he’s trying to change my reactions….I think.” Dirk jumped up without warning, causing Jake to flinch. The blonde didn’t notice though as he started pacing around the room.

“I wonder if your power has such an ability. Pages are slow classes to build, honestly after the game I didn’t think we’d still have our powers. I figured we’d lose them and possibly our memories as well. Hell, I thought we’d forget each other and never see each other again. That shit always worried me and made me hesitant about going through with everything, but I figured it was better than dying…again. Still, I wonder if having a page of hope allows for a bigger construct. I wonder if you’re the reason we could have some many people with only four official players. I mean it makes sense when you think about it. Why were, what, thirty people given individual houses when the game only officially had four players? I mean, maybe Hal, maybe. But still, it doesn’t make sense. And-“

“Love, it’s getting late, I’m starving, I doubt you’ve eaten anything but that cake all day. And you’re starting to spiral, I can see it.”

“Spiral?”

“Something Dave taught me, er, about another version of yourself, but I think it fits for you too. When you get an idea you tend to get fanatical, not that that’s a bad thing. I actually find it cute. It’s just, you get so caught up in your own thoughts that you basically do a tailspin down the rabbit hole of whatever idea you have in that brain of yours. I know it’s just part of who you are, but I think it’s best for you to put it on the back burner for a little while and focus on something else. We’ll deal with the impending disaster as it comes.”

“But why do that when you can prepare for it.”

“Because knowing you, you’ll half kill yourself preparing for it. I’m not saying never think of it again, I’m saying you’ve had an exhausting few weeks and I think rest is what you need right now.” Dirk moved to say something when Jake interrupted him. “I know you can’t shut your thoughts off, that’s not you, but try to focus on the moment for the next few days okay? Everyone’s birthday is coming up, including yours, and I want you to enjoy it.”

Dirk’s face softened before abject horror crossed his features. “Wait, what day is it?”

“According to Rose’s calendar it’s November 30th.”

“Shit, I didn’t even think. I don’t have gifts for Dave or anybody!”

Jake chuckled to himself. “I figured as much, you seemed distracted. Don’t worry, I have gifts for everyone. Including yours to me.”

Dirk stared at Jake for a moment. “No, no, I have your gift, just no one else’s. …Thanks hun.”

“Wait, you have a gift for me? Let me see!”

“Nope, you have to wait until tomorrow.”

“C’mon! My birthday will be here in like, an HOUR!”

“Nope.”

“Aww…fine. Late night omelets?”

“With sautéed mushrooms?”

Jake made a face, “On yours, sure.”

“Awesome.” They gave each other a sweet kiss before filling their bellies and letting the darkness embrace them for the night. For the first time in weeks, Dirk slept soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a poorly written chapter, sorry guys. It's also short because I had to end it before the birthdays. So, the next chapter will be a completely out of place smut and fluff show. Birthdays, Christmas, and other happy things. Then some build up, the climax, and a denouement. After this story, I'll probably be done with ongoing stories for a while. I like writing them, but a break of just drabble/one-shot writing sounds like a nice break.
> 
> I have a prince au idea I'd like to hear you're opinions on though. Itinvolves Dirk fleeing to Prospit after Eridan tried to have him killed and usurped the Dersian throne. He's able to get refuge there because John (the sitting heir) is married to Roxy, who in the fic is Dirk's sister. Jake is given to him as a servant boy and Dirk and him get into sparring matches, romance ensues. However, their love makes it more difficult to take back the throne, because Derse has homophobic laws in place that Eridan is vehemently using to his advantage; but Dirk is fighting against. This will cause a split in the kingdom and all out war. Thoughts? Does it sound like something you've read before. Or something over typical in Dirk/Jake fics? This would be the next on-going story fic, but I'd probably do an actual outline and everything. Make it more structured. If a bunch of people have already done this type of thing though, I'd rather not do it myself. So any feedback is appreciated.


	13. Jake's Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....this ended up being almost 4,000 words of pointless fluff and smut. And I only covered a third of what I wanted. Dirk's birthday isn't covered and Christmas isn't covered.

Dirk was setting up everything for Jake’s present tonight. A little typical, but he hoped Jake would like it anyway. First though, birthday breakfast. The menu for the morning was chocolate chip waffles with a homemade raspberry syrup. Jake may be the cook, but Dirk wasn’t too shabby either. Fixing up the coffee just right (cream, no sugar), and a two roses, one pink, the other white. He didn’t expect Jake to understand the symbolism, quite frankly Dirk felt corny just putting them on the tray. But, it was Jake’s birthday, if ever there was a time for mushy corny love symbols today would be the day. He carried two trays into the bedroom, Jake was half sitting up already, bleary eyed and reaching for his glasses. “Oh Dirk you shouldn’t have!”

“You make breakfast nearly every day. I’m not about to make the birthday boy work. Not today, not after you’ve been so wonderful.” He placed Jake’s tray across his lap and placed his own at the end of the bed before sliding into the welcoming warmth and placing the food across his own lap. They ate in happy quiet. Jake eating with his right hand, Dirk with his left, which allowed them to hold hands throughout the meal. Every once in a while Dirk would bring Jake’s hand to his mouth and kiss each knuckle, reiterating how amazing the boy was in Dirk’s eyes. Jake blushed every time.

When they finished Dirk placed the trays on floor and wrapped his arms around Jake. The adventurer relished the closeness and buried his face into Dirk’s chest. A happy sigh was all that could be heard. “So, what do you want to do today?”

“Roxy has a party planned.”

“That’s not for a while though, it’s your day. We can do anything you want.”

“Well…I’m quite curious about that present you mentioned last night.” He could practically feel the smirk through his hair.

“No, that has to wait until after the party.”

Jake pouted. “Why?”

“Because if I go to the party after giving you your present I’ll look ridiculous.”

“Hmmm…”

“Nope, love you, but nope. Not going out like that, even for your birthday.”

“Fine, I just want to lay here with you then.”

“Want to watch one of your awful movies?”

“I would love to watch one of my spectacular movies.”

“Avatar?”

“Nah, I’m feeling like Interstella 5555.”

“Sounds good to me.”

So they sat and watched, the movie itself wasn’t very long, Jake still paused it half way through though. “I’ve changed my mind.” And that was all the warning Dirk got before the green pajama clad boy latched onto his neck. Dirk normally would have skillfully attained dominance and had Jake moaning underneath him in seconds, but he was the birthday boy. Whatever he wants was fine with Dirk. Soon the blonde had his hips straddled by the page, plush ass grinding against his hardening member. The prince was panting more than he’d like to admit. It was unusual for him to get riled up so quickly, but damn if Jake didn’t know how to get him hot and bothered. Soon clothes were gone and Jake was just staring at him. “Bloody hell, it’s been too long since I’ve seen you like this. God that flush just makes you look…” Jake leaned down biting down his boyfriend’s nipple. As the groan tore it way out of that precious mouth Jake moved towards his ear and breathed huskily “delectable.”

Dirk head was spinning, god how is Jake so good at this. The guy is a dork. A loveable dork, but a dork nonetheless. And the Jake that Dirk was so accustomed to resurfaced in awkward silence and nervous shifting. “Can I, um….do to you what you normally do to me?”

Dirk couldn’t help the cheeky smile that crossed his lips. “I do a lot of things to you.” Jake just smirked back, taking his tongue and licking from navel to nipple in one quick movement. Causing Dirk’s head to cloud and back to arch.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah. God, yeah.” A chuckle in his ear and the weight was off him momentarily as Jake gathered the items. He heard the tear of the condom wrapper and the snapping of the lube bottle. In moments Jake was back on him with a finger teasing his entrance and a mouth meeting his. As they kissed Dirk continued to let out pathetic little noises and Jake worked him open. Jake made agonizingly slow circles around his prostate. Not giving him what he wanted. “Jake…Jake…please.” He looked into his paramour’s eyes, which had grown hazy with lust, pupils blown wide in his ardor. A goofy smile decorating his lips, creating quite the contrast with his eyes. Dirk loved it.

“Since you asked so nicely.”

A jolt of pleasure shot up Dirk’s spine as Jake touched him. Ecstasy was short lived as Jake withdrew his fingers, much to Dirk’s disappointment. He couldn’t hold back the whine that escaped him. A soft chuckle could be heard, his eyes were closed, when did that happen? He opened his eyes as Jake descended onto his forehead, leaving sweet reassuring kisses. “Are you ready?” muttered against his brow. Words were outside of Dirk repertoire in that moment, only a nod to signify that he wanted this to continue, badly.

He felt the toy press into him. Slowly, Jake was gently pushing the vibrator into Dirk with care and devotion and a fluttering storm of tender kisses and reassurances. “I’ve got you don’t worry. Let me know if it hurts, okay? I love you so much.” Dirk didn’t know if his arousal or his love for Jake was causing the delightful bubbles in his stomach and buzzing of his skin. Maybe both? Jake had prepped him well too. “It’s in, you okay?”

“Yeah.” It didn’t hurt, and there Jake was nervous, caring eyes looking for any sign of that strider front that he sometimes put on during sex. His refusal to admit any pain, barring the excruciating, was a habit for him the past. Sometimes he liked a little pain, he just struggled knowing where his limit was. Jake seemed to realize though, that he was quite happy, and continued. Manipulating the object in Dirk, a few shallow thrusts, searching for that euphoric button once more. He found it quickly, Dirk couldn’t hold back his moan. Eyes closed and head thrown back, Jake wasn’t pursuing it, Dirk got his breath and looked at Jake questioningly. The look in Jake’s eyes was the hungriest, darkest, and most deviant Dirk had ever seen from the page. He didn’t have a chance to ask Jake what he was planning, the boy switched the vibrator on.

A wave a decadent carnal elation flooded Dirk’s senses, near blinding and deafening him to everything. All he could feel was the erotic delight dancing on his nerves, pulling him taut as he raced for that ledge that would grant him his peak. Only to be pulled away as he reached its precipice. He realized he had been screaming Jake’s name, eyes were shut, he could hear labored breath, was that his? Or Jake’s? “I wasn’t….”a few panting breaths now out of sync with his own. “Such a strong reaction so quickly. That wasn’t even the highest setting.” Dirk realizing that now that he hadn’t achieved that bliss his was desperate for and groaned in frustration, which his boyfriend found amusing. He was about to tell Jake to get on with it, when he felt a warm lubricated hand wrap around him. Any breath he had regain was taken from his lungs. It was a slightly slower build up, but Jake made up for it my kissing and biting his body just the way he liked. And just as his cup was about to over flow, Jake withheld that last drop of water.

Dirk let out an exasperated groan. “Come on JaAAAAAA~” The vibrator was set on high, Jake’s hand was relentless, Dirk didn’t jump of the ship, he was thrown overboard. He couldn’t even tell if he was conscious anymore, well, that’s not entirely accurate. Dirk wasn’t really aware of anything at the moment. Not even the green eyes watching him as the body attached to them shifted closer, hand in rhythmic motion as Jake threw himself off that same ship. Semen spread across the blonde’s face and neck as Jake became lost in his own carnal high. Dirk was vaguely aware of what was on him and for some reason he loved it. If he had had the energy to lift his hands he would have wiped it off his face so he could eat it, he would have. But Jake had left him exhausted and insanely satisfied, so he couldn’t bother to do anything at the moment. Jake reclaimed his own semi-rational thoughts and gathered tissues to clean his wonderful boyfriend. The two cuddled and drifted into a state of semi-consciousness. Lost in the warmth and connected feeling, like they were meant to be like this for all eternity. At some point Dirk’s consciousness faded from reality and Jake allowed himself to watch as that relaxation take over the normally tight and constrained face. The slow rising and falling of his boyfriend’s chest as he lay there secure in the confines of their bed. If Jake died in this instant, he’d die a happy man.

 

He was standing in the field of Lomax, a pink clad figure running towards him. What was he doing here? Where were the flowers? Why was the sky a darkened grey. The pale figure grew closer, tears streaking from beneath the pointy anime shades. He knew better than to ask. The standard answer was always “It’s raining.” Something Dirk got from his anime and abused whenever his emotion became too much for him to control. A soft hand cupped Jake’s cheek, “What is it mate?” Mate? He hasn’t called Dirk “mate” or “chum” in forever. They were way past the point of friendly names like that. His name for Dirk would always be “love” from now on. But this wasn’t his Dirk, was it? It was another Dirk.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t, I mean, I just.”

Jake hugged him. It wasn’t his Dirk, but it was a Dirk that needed comfort. “Why are you here mate? I’m not the one you want to talk to.”

“I know, I just. It’s been so long since I’ve seen your face. And it’s your birthday, I wanted to…” The blonde pulled away. Revealing a panoply of guns. Different kinds and sizes.

“What’s this?”

And the Dirk in front of him pointed to a maze behind him, glass figures, some people, some animals, regular and like the ones on his island. Targets on every one of them. “I thought you deserved a treat.”

Jake immediately grabbed as many guns as he could strap to his body, oddly nothing seemed to restrain his movement. He rushed for the 3D shooting range. Running and shooting at everything, relishing the sound of glass break, he didn’t even know why he loved it so much, but he didn’t care.

As he lay on the ground, the glass changing to snow, a warm coat around him, a figure suddenly next to his. Orange eyes looking at him with delight. “You like your present?”

“Golly, it’s spectacular!”

A soft chuckle and the figure hugged against his side. Cuddling close. “Jake, remember. No matter what happens, in every universe in paradox space, I love you.”

 

The adventurer woke with a start. What a peculiar dream. The bed was cold, Dirk was in the shower from the sounds of it. A playful grin on his face, might as well join him.

 

The two arrived at Rose’s place. Roxy had helped her decorate and the walls were covered with happy birthday signs and drawings. Balloons and glitter were everywhere. Jane had made a three tiered cake and Dave was acting as DJ. Jade and Jake met in a hug and kissed each other on both cheeks. When that first happened, Dirk couldn’t help but feel a pang of possessiveness. Which he knew was ridiculous even at the time (roughly six months ago). Turns out it’s some family thing their respective grandparents always did when they were kids. The two birthday teens then got into a debate of who was technically older. Not that either cared, they just had a habit of friendly bickering.

Then came the regular family wrestling. You’d think that two teenagers would realize how awkward it was to watch them grapple on the ground, but they always had a weird ritual. Argument, banter, wrestle, guns. It started every group get-together if someone didn’t intervene. When questioned about it they merely said “It’s a family thing.” Dirk never understood, but he’d long gotten past being jealous. He actually enjoyed watching, Jake got his ass beat most of the time, the girl was stronger than she looked. Sweetest girl in the world though. Always kept Dirk stocked in oranges from her indoor garden.

The match ended with Jake pinned to the floor, arm behind his back. He seemed like he might actually get out of it, if Jade hadn’t pulled out her pistol and placed it at the back of his skull. “Say uncle!”

“Jesus fucking Christmas.”

“Say uncle!”

“Fine, uncle. Now get the bloody hell off me.”

Jade rolled off to the side in a fit of giggles.

“Hey, be careful! You’re waving that thing all about.”

“It’s not loaded.”

“…. What?”

Another fit of giggles. “Dirk just gave it to me for my present.”

Jake whipped his head around to look at the Strider, who apparently caught the whole thing on camera. “You gave her a pistol right before our tussle?!”

“She gave me puppy dog eyes, I mean look at that face.” Dirk was laying the sarcasm on thick. Jade playing along by giving Jake the pitiful stare. Jake just ruffled her hair. Dirk stayed silent capturing every moment with his phone. He had grown to love Jade most through her interactions with Jake. Dirk didn’t know why, but he loved the big brother side it brought out in his boyfriend…he’d make a good dad…OKAY MOVING ALONG. Too young, too young for those thoughts. No babies anytime soon thanks. Still, Jake would make a good dad. Balance out Dirk’s horrible empathy skills.

As an official end to match, Roxy stepped up to Jade, took her wrist, raising it in the air with a big announcer voice “And in the annual Harley/English Family Birthday Battle, the winner is….JADE HARLEY!” Everyone clapped and laughed, Terezi threatened dragon justice if the cake wasn’t served soon. The two birthday kids opened their presents thanking the givers and making idle threats to each other when appropriate. The most amusing of the gifts came from Dave and Karkat who alchemized two pairs of inflatable boxing gloves.

“I figured you guys might want to switch it up every now and then. Now you two can beat the shit out of each other and not get covered in bruises and broken bones. Plus there’s an added bonus if you manage to hit the other with the center of the glove.”

Jake eyed the items, trying to figure out how to get them both on. Jade dove in, managed to get both inflated gloves on within seconds and bopped Jake in the face. Glitter spewed all over Jake’s countenance, covering his glasses and coating his mouth. He coughed spreading more glitter everywhere and making everyone around him snicker. As he looked up towards Jade, she broke down into another fit of giggles. “Oh my god you look ridiculous!”

“Jake!” Dirk’s curiosity got the best of him. Jake of course turned and Dirk took a picture before laughing himself. Jake did his best to ignore Dirk’s laughter. He would prefer everyone laugh than just Dirk. When his laugh blended with the others the page didn’t notice or get turned on. Right now though he was very much trying to suppress a shiver he felt coming on from hearing his lover giggle. The last thing he wanted was to have boner, covered in glitter, in front of everyone, at his birthday party. Thankfully, he was able to channel impending embarrassment into action. He returned Jade’s strike with one of his own, covering her in glitter as well. Before they knew it the two were in a boxing match with the inflatable gloves. Some conversation could be heard in the background.

“See, I told you they’d like it.”

“I still fail to see how this ISN’T a kismesis relationship. They clearly hate each other, but not platonically.”

“There’s nothing romantic here. This is a form of platonic pity/hatred called ‘sibling rivalry’ in human culture.”

“It’s weird.”

“Everything is weird.”

“…touche.”

Soon the floor was covered in glitter, many bystanders were covered in glitter and everyone decided it was time to call it a day. Rose looked mildly horrified at the state of her house, but decided to deal with it later.

 

Once they arrived at home, Dirk set his plan in motion. “Why don’t you go take a shower Edward Cullen? See if you can get rid of some of that glitter.”

“I’ll go shower if you promise never to call me that again.”

“Deal.”

Jake gathered his towels, Dirk held a bag open for him to discard his now shimmering clothes into, there was no saving them. “You sure you don’t want to join me?” Jake asked suggestively wagging his eyebrows, he’s very thirsty today, damn.

“No, I managed to stay glitter free, I’d like to keep it that way.” Jake pouted as Dirk gave him a sly smile, closing the door behind him.

Dirk raced to his work area. He had his own skin treatment that would take at least twenty four hours to wear off. It was worth it though. A nice trick with blue dye, a negligible amount of silver ions (don’t want to give himself cancer), to act as an adhesive to the skin and a sealant. It took a half hour (Jake must be having hard time getting the glitter off) but he was perfect. Once he was dry and sure that the mixture wasn’t going to rub off his skin, he posed himself on the bed and waited.

The look on Jake’s face when he walked in was almost enough for Dirk to break his stoic façade (and character). “You like it?”

“Yeah….”

“Happy Birthday.”

Jake met his eyes with longing and desire.

“I’m from Pandora and have been charged as the first to investigate your species mating practices and anatomy. To see if we can intermingle, propagating both species in the process. Given that you have been randomly selected by the council I have been required to ask if you would like to examine my body before I examine yours. Which would you prefer?” A smirk, he knew Jake would eat the role play up.

“I, um, what’s your name?” Jake was blushing vehemently, a sure sign of rapid arousal.

“Neytoro, you may know my sister, Neytiri? “ Okay, not the most inventive, but Dirk was never one for names. Jake didn’t seem to mind as his eyes clearly found and focused in on Dirk’s now blue dick.

“Yes, I’m familiar with her. I, um, I’d prefer to examine, er, your body. Please.”

Dirk suppressed a chuckle. “Very well.” Dirk adjusted his pose into one of a more suggestive nature. “Begin your examination.”

Jake approached, first just staring down at his lover. Unable to move for a long time, taking in the sight. This caused a slight discomfort with Dirk, a blush (which appeared purple on his skin) spreading down his neck and chest. Breaking character “Do…you…not like it?” Maybe Jake had just been playing along for his benefit, or maybe he was uncomfortable with this. The prince berated himself internally, he should have double checked or asked Jake if this was something he’d be into. Maybe it’s too weird for him, Dirk has always been really open about his sexual tastes, not that this was really his thing, he’s more of a power play than roleplay guy. He honestly thought Jake would like this though, maybe he didn’t-

His thoughts were derailed as a single finger trailed from his jaw down to his tip. A breath sucked in, orange meeting green. The color barely seen with the dilated pupils. Jake looked like he would devour him. “I love it.” Reverent and sincere. “You just have to give a fella some time to admire the work before he consumes it.”

Dirk swallowed. Trying to regain character. “You may begin your examination whenever you’re ready.”

“Are there any restrictions?”

“None of any kind.”

With that Jake dove in. Hands reaching everywhere while Dirk tried desperately to retain rational thoughts. All attempts were thwarted with Jake’s mouth around him. He moaned trying to keep his body still, hips jerking when he failed. Jake didn’t seem to mind though. And it wasn’t long before he climaxed. The page was far from finished however. He returned to Dirk’s mouth, kissing him, making him taste himself as came down from his high. Hands massaging blue thighs. Working their way up his torso. It was a pleasant feeling. Muscled already relaxed were kept in that state by Jake’s ministrations. Like Jake wanted him as pliable as possible. Gentle kisses wherever the page felt needed an affectionate touch. Blunt nails tracing the lines of his body. Dirk relished the feeling, not particularly aroused, at least not like before, but a nice warm feeling of closeness and a, unwound disconnect from his usually overactive mind. Like he was just floating and Jake was his ocean. Guiding him where he wanted.

Soon Dirk was hard again, but failed to feel any sort of urgency to take care of it. Too boneless and relaxed. Jake was looking at him again, although he was only dimly aware of this fact though. He heard some sort of awed comment.

“God you’re gorgeous. I’m such a lucky fellow to have someone like you Dirk.”

The meaning didn’t really connect with Dirk in this moment though. Jake took the lube from the nightstand. Coating his fingers. Dirk was so relaxed it didn’t take much prep at all. “My, I should get you like this more often. All ready for me and everything.” Again, Dirk was barely coherent in his bliss.

Jake entered him easily, gentle thrusting in and out. Hitting a bundle of nerves every so often that triggered a moan or incoherent mumblings from his beloved. Jake couldn’t decide which was better. Dirk asleep, or awake and incoherent. Such a tough decision. Dirk came twice more, both times without ejaculation, not that he cared. Jake came with him the second time. Filling the prince with his fluid. He pulled out rolling to the side and bringing Dirk into his arms. The blonde already asleep. Jake kissed his forehead and whispered as the beautiful hollowness of time and space overcame him, “Thank you, love, that was a fantastic present.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My question for you guys is, would you like an additional chapter of fluff and smut, or would you like me to get on with the plot? I can do either.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it took me like five days and 2000 words while working on a shit ton of homework for me to realize I should have gone straight on with the plot. My mind has unfortunately done the thing where I've mapped out the story and it's like I've already completed even though I haven't. Don't worry though the next chapters will be better. I made a point to write down what I want to happen, so I have a guide for the next chapters. This one was originally meant to be merely a fun chapter for me. Normally I really like writing fluff and was thinking "Oh I'll cover everything, birthdays, christmas, and new years!" Well my mind has decided it's had enough fluff and stopped the goddamned machines. Now all I have is this. Bad jokes, stupid conversations and the most disappointing sex scene ever.

The two had pretty much spent next day doing nothing but lounging. Dirk was a little sore from the previous night’s activities, but the biggest pain was his little blue concoction. It was fading, but it had only faded enough to give his skin a nice sickly grey look to it. …Like a corpse. Jake’s screaming was not the best way to wake up, it was out of concern of course, still not a fun way to wake up. Thankfully all was calm in moments. Leaving them with nothing to do but stay in and relax.

The next day, Dirk was treated to his favorite wake up method of Jake’s. A gentle scalp massage. Fingers threaded through his hair, nice gentle rubbing from his temple to his crown. He even remembered that wonderful line where the head meets the neck. Dirk had become less finicky about his hair. He still styled it, and god help you if you touched it after he spent so much time working it to perfection. However, he often let Jake play with it in the morning, some sort of unspoken compromise. Usually it didn’t involve a deluxe scalp massage though. “Happy birthday, love.” Slow and gentle caresses keeping Dirk relaxed, barely holding on to any conscious thought.

“Mornin’” Half spoken, half slurred out of his mouth. He could feel lips tracing the path the fingers had taken, from the temple to the crown. A series of gentle loving kisses. Dirk let himself smile, opening his eyes to the bleary sight of his doting boyfriend.

“I believe I owe you a birthday breakfast.” Stuck in the limbo between the world of plain concrete reality and the whimsical symbolic fantasy unable to for word in response. Damn Jake and his magic fingers. He felt the soothing stimulation leave him, as well as the warmth and weight of beauty. Leaving him to fall into that nebulous existence where nothing is apparent but everything is real.

_Another house, another goddamned house. Burning all around him. Graffiti of grime and tears on the walls, **I’m sorry I failed you.** Over and over again on every surface and every direction. Some almost illegible in their frantic and messy script. Dirk was stuck in this burning building of regret. No music but the howling silence on his self-hatred and bright depths of his own fucked up nature. Things were breaking down and he couldn’t save it. He couldn’t save his mind, he couldn’t save his friends. He was unstable and about to lose it. Or, at least, that’s the way it seemed. His doppelganger appeared before him “we need to talk.” Blood staining every fiber of his clothing and every pour in his skin. Black blood, the blood of the damned and those who have done irreparable harm. The blood of those that are disintegrating into nothingness, the rotting of the soul. _

Dirk awoke with a start, sitting up and frantically looking over his own body for the sign of that foul clotting substance on himself. He fell back with a flop onto his bed. _What’s going on…..what did I do? No, not me, well sort of me, but not me. I don’t to think about my fucked up nature. Jake is going to come in with breakfast soon and I don’t want him to worry._ He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eye. Deciding that he didn’t want to stay in his place of madness, he relocated to the kitchen. Jake was frying up eggs and bacon. He keeping his footsteps light he approached Jake from behind, lacing his arms around the other’s torso.

“Aw I was going to bring you breakfast in bed!”

“I felt like getting up, we can always go back.” Getting his coffee, something to burn away the remnants of hell. Black as the iron laden fluid in his dreams. Black as the heart that caused that blood to appear all over. His black heart.

“Here we are, one birthday breakfast.” The clink of the plate and Jake’s voice bringing him back to reality. He couldn’t let today be ruined by his fucked up interiority. He smiled in thanks.

“My, is that the rare and precious morning Strider smile?! I thought it was thing of legends.” Dirk gave a puff of laughter, smart ass.

“Yep, it’s a magic phenomenon that only appears one every 100 years, so enjoy it while it lasts.”

A comfortable silence blanketed their intimate breakfast. Fingers brushing against upturned palms, sometimes lacing together with other fingers for established connection. Also, thumb wrestling, over the last piece of bacon. Jake won, but gave Dirk the piece anyway. And in an act of pure stupid cheesy affection, he placed half of the piece in his mouth, coaxing Jake closer. The adventurer took half the piece in his mouth, their lips meeting in a greasy kiss before separating.

“…Let’s not do that again.”

“Agreed.”

Dirk was thinking about what needed to be done today. Nemo could use some tuning up, that Welcome to Night Vale series isn’t going to voice itself, maybe he should work on Nemo’s brother. It didn’t seem fair when Sawtooth, Squarewave, and Brobot all seemed to communicate with each other and poor Nemo was left out of the loop. Dirk wasn’t sure if it was that they couldn’t communicate (difference operating software) or if there was some prejudice due Nemo’s shape, but the other three refused to interact with the poor doggy. Maybe it was a jealousy issue. Jake certainly had strong affection for Nemo, treated the thing like it was his son. After every adventure session they’d end it with Jake washing Nemo before taking a shower himself. When Dirk was working late on one of his projects he was greeted with the sight of a giant metal dog in their bed curled up next to Jake. That thing was his best friend. With all of the happiness Nemo had given Jake, he deserved something for himself.

Getting up with new resolve on a project, Dirk was stopped by Jake who stepped in front of him. “No no. You have to rest today. You work entirely too hard.”

“I don’t work that hard Jake. I find my work fun.”

“Hmmm…..alright. However, when is the last time you just spent a day relaxing where you did absolutely nothing?”

“…wasn’t that last Wednesday?”

“No, the answer is never.” And with that Jake apparently had made the unilateral decision that Dirk was to be a lazy ass today. Grabbing his wrist and dragging him to the bedroom, pushing him down on the bed. “On your stomach.”

“Well, this is certainly an interesting Birthday surprise.” Smirking to himself as he complied with Jake’s orders. Instead of the sensual caress he was expecting, Dirk was given an equally delightful kneading of his shoulders.

“You really need to learn relax more often, carrying all of this tension can’t be good for you.” Dirk gave a satisfied groan, Jake’s strong hand making him melt in the most blissful way.

“But then I wouldn’t get you wonder massages.”

Jake snorted, kissing his boyfriend between the shoulder blades. Working away at Dirk’s back. When he was satisfied, he moved to the neck and down to the back of his legs, give his ass a playful squeeze on the way down.

“Hands off the merchandise.”

“My hands have been all over the merchandise for the past 20 minutes.”

“What are you talking about?” Voice slightly slurred, the boy no longer had two feet planted in reality.

“You’re a little out of it now, aren’t you?” A slight amusement surfacing.

“I’m on the fucking moon.”

“Alright, love. You stay on that moon.” Trying to keep himself from laughing.

“Pancakes.” Okay, Jake is shaking now trying to contain his laughter, what the hell was going through his boyfriend’s mind.

“Yes love. Moon pancakes.” It’s his birthday, just play along. Although the barely contained laughter wasn’t helping.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Thus the massage ended with Jake in a fit of laughter and Dirk spending several minutes trying to parse out what happened that was so damned funny.

Roxy and Jane ended up coming over for a small friends birthday lunch. The beta kids (plus Karkat) did the same thing over at Dave’s while the trolls were quite happy not to deal with another birthday so quickly after the last one. The meal was prepared by Jane and everyone enjoyed. Roxy gave Dirk hand cuffs, rope, anal plugs, anal beads, a very large vibrator, edible underwear, and a sex swing. Dirk was laughing while Jake was had so much blood rushing to his face he thought he might pass out. Jane discreetly excused herself to prepare the cake. Despite inappropriateness of the gifts, Dirk was actually quite happy, Roxy was always on his wavelength. The two blondes hugged, while Jake hid his face.

“Thanks Roxy, we’ll definitely be using some of these tonight.”

“Oh my god. Dirk, must you?” Jake was half hiding behind his hands, he was always rather private about their sex life.

“It’s just Roxy, not like everyone’s here.”

“And my room was next to you guys’ during that week Dirk was healing. I didn’t think Dirk would be able to do anything, didn’t peg Jake for a screamer either.”

“Oh my god.” Jake smothered his face in this hands, the entire upper portion of his body turning red.

 

Everyone continued to hang out for a while before Roxy started ushering Jane out, dropping thinly veiled hints and eventually make rude hand gestures to convey what she expect Dirk and Jake to be doing minutes after they left. And she was right.

Jake was nipping and his boyfriend’s neck in seconds. “You know, I still haven’t given you your present yet.”

“I noticed.” Smiling and threading his fingers through Jake’s exceptionally soft hair. Jake peeled himself away, seductively eyeing Dirk as he rounded the corner.

“Wait right there.”

“Will do.”

Okay, so clearly sex, but what exactly was Jake surprising him with? He could be doing almost anything. Probably not bondage, Jake was too goofy for that. Maybe some sort of roleplay? Or maybe his guns again? The thought of a barrel in his mouth while Jake force feed it to him sent a bolt of arousal straight to his dick. He would just have to wait patiently.

Eventually Jake returned- and yep, roleplay. His adventurer was in a fucking school girl outfit from Maid-sama. Straddling Dirk’s thighs he leaned in asking in a husky low voice, “What can I do for you master?” Dirk let out a loud moan. Okay, Jake fucking got him with this number, fuck his legs were shaved too. His hand trailing up Jake’s left leg, grabbing his ass cheek, while the other hand rested on his right hip. “Oh Senpai!” Jake squeaked. Why the fuck did this turn him on so much? Jake’s acting his corny as hell, but it still always gets him hot.

“Senpai want to teach you something.” And fuck, here he was playing along and getting a ridiculous amount out of it.

“Hmmm~ …I think not senpai.” And there’s a gun to his head, is this fucking heaven? Jake grinded against his hard-on making him moan, taking the opportunity to force the barrel in his mouth. “You make a sound and I pull the trigger.” Dirk could feel his adrenaline rush, his heart race. He was pretty sure the gun wasn’t loaded, but hell the possibility that it might not be was too fucking thrilling. Jake continued to grind and Dirk tried holding on to anything he could to prevent himself from making a sound. This was too much it was so fucking great. Hot boy in a hot outfit with a potentially hot metal in his mouth.

A groan soon tore through him and Jake fulfilled his promise, he heard the click a small taste of residual gun powder, and he came instantly and embarrassingly so.

After relieving Jake as well they cuddled all night, Jake making only one or two jokes about their evening and Dirk lovingly ignoring him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, no Christmas or new years. Sorry, but I started it and three minutes in it was already headed down an awful path.


	15. Chapter 15

_Dirk stood in a beige, grassy field. The wind blew, but was filled with arid sourness. The taste of death coating his mouth, making it difficult for him to breath. A figure, his figure could be seen in the distance, walking towards him. As the distance closed, a body soon appeared in front of him, Jane. She wasn’t horribly dismembered, she almost looked peacefully asleep. Dirk knew though, she was dead, breath wasn’t filling her chest, her body cold. He was upset, but some comfort reached him, how, he didn’t know, but he felt a warm embrace from somewhere._

_The distance closing more, another body. Roxy, a piece of paper clutched in her hands. Reaching down, Dirk tried to pry in from her fingertips, but nothing could make her hand give it up. He placed his hand on her head, feeling the fine delicateness of her hair. She’s always so pretty, no matter what._

_The Dirk from the doomed timeline was almost upon him, and a final body appeared, that of Jake. He really should be more upset, but after several nights with similar imagery, he was numb. Nothing left to feel. “You going to finally tell me what happened in your timeline?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Why are their bodies here?”_

_“Their bodies follow me wherever I go. I think it’s my penance for my arrogance and vanity….and insecurity.”_

_Dirk, the current Dirk, was trying very hard to pay attention. But that warm embrace he had felt earlier was turning into an inferno within him. He was hot and aroused and he didn’t know why. The alterDirk simply looked at him with a smirk “Perhaps I shouldn’t have come to you on Christmas morning. I forgot about that little surprise.”_

_“Nng….No, tell me. I want to protect them. I don’t-AH want this to happen to them.”_

_“We still have time.”_

_“T-then why ha-ah-ve you been harassing me a-and not letting me sleep?”_

_“Working up the courage I guess. We have a lot to talk about. And it certainly won’t be easy for you to accept. I don’t want you doing what I did.”_

_Dirk was white knuckling the ground, panting, trying desperately to cling to rationality._

_“I’ll let you enjoy Jake’s company.”_

 

“JAKE!” Screaming as he awoke in orgasmic bliss. Jake was above him, cum on his face and neck, giving a moan of pleasure or frustration, Dirk wasn’t sure. It didn’t take long for him to come down from his high, Jake still pumping himself, having a difficult time achieving release. Dirk couldn’t help but find the whole thing amusing. Here Jake was, fucking him in his sleep, right as he was receiving an important message, now Jake has cum on his face and still can’t climax. He couldn’t help but giggle. Jake heard it.

“You find this amusing Dirk?” His breath labored, voice shaky. Dirk just giggled louder as Jake moaned at the sound. “Bloody hell.”

Dirk wasn’t sure why he laughed so hard at that, but he had never felt so perfectly at peace than at that moment. Jake finally achieved what he so desperately wanted, cleaned the two up, and they settled into a cuddling position. Jake’s head against his shoulder blades, “That was fan-fucking-tastic.” Dirk brought one of the hands encircling his waist up to his lips, kissing the palm and each knuckle.

“That was really nice.” Jake hummed in response, clearly proud of himself. Dirk smiled, “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, love.”

“What time is it?”

“7:30”

“You’re up to kinky shit pretty early.”

“Woke up with something that needed attending to.”

“I see.”

“Don’t give me that look.”

“What look? Your face is in my back, how can I possibly give you a look?”

“It’s that ‘I know you sins’ look you get whenever we talk about kinks, I can feel it.”

“So you’ve finally learned to read the language of Strider looks so well that you don’t even need to look at my face? My ego is wounded”

“I always forget how chatty you are after morning sex.”

“I thought you liked me chatty?”

“Not at 7:30 in the morning.”

“It’s your fault, you started it.” Jake kissed his shoulder. “You didn’t seem to mind. You just said it was nice.”

“It was nice, but you forgot something, so now I get ramble all I want.” Jake’s eyes opened wide at that. What had he forgotten? Now nervous hands caressing the bare pale stomach. He could feel a slight guilt settling in, Dirk continued to ramble. “AlterDirk visited me again. He was going to tell me something, but all that attention you were giving me made it very distracting.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Eh, no that wasn’t the point. I liked what you did, even if you did forget the mandatory kiss at the end.” Jake smiled to himself, of course how silly. He let go of Dirk, sitting up, pulling him down so he was on his back, giving him a chaste tender kiss, just like Dirk said he wanted earlier this month, when he tried to be more open. Just a reminder that their relationship was more than physical urges, it was a deep caring.

“And my apologies for forgetting.” He kissed him again on the forehead and the nose, both cheeks and the chin, before finally settling on his lips again. As he pulled away and looked into his eyes he could see complete vulnerability, into Dirk’s very soul. Mostly filled with ardor and longing and deep trust. Something else resided there though, a flicker of an ominous demon. Isolation, depression, self-hatred, and anxiety rested there. How Jake despised them.

“Anything the matter?”

“No, nothing at all.” Another modest kiss, with a small smile and a shield to protect Jake from the demons. “Alright, let’s try to get a little more sleep before Roxy’s party.” And the two settled into a position that allowed them to face each other, legs intertwined and arms around each other.

The party was uneventful, food, drink, and sounds of mirthful friends filled the air. Mistletoe had been hung and many kismesis and matesprits could be seen under it. Including John and Terezi, Dave and Karkat, Cronus and Kankri, and of course, Jake and Dirk. However, the moment of kissing was not a pure expression of love, Dirk was trying to take Jake’s phone from his pocket. Dirk hadn’t been able to sleep after the morning romp, instead he and Dave had exchanged games via Steam…the little bastard gave him the most heart-wrenching game called Lisa. Jake found him sobbing at the computer screen. Apparently he had taken video of it. Jake was on to him though and kept his sticky fingers away from the device. The night ended with everyone asleep on the floor and couches, one big mix of bodies, pillows and blankets.

 

New Year’s Eve was a different affair though. Smaller groups, apparently the trolls preferred to forget it and go to bed early, Alternian custom required midnight brawls that no one wanted to participate in. The Beforans didn’t want to perform the annual hugging ritual either. So the humans celebrated together. Roxy allowed herself to drink a little, just enough for to get tipsy. Jane made a bunch of cookies. John and Dirk were having a duel with foam rubber bats (everyone felt it best not to give John pointy objects), while Dave and Jade watched. And Rose was reading an adventure story to Jake, complete with voices, in the corner where no one could hear them over Dirk and John. That is…until John tried to do an acrobatic slash with his wind powers and ended up careening into Rose and Jake. “Whoops! Sorry!”

Dave applauded, “Bravo John, bravo.”

The night more or less went without incident after that. It was a leisure holiday for them, nothing exciting, nothing horrible, just a nice quiet evening with everyone. Jake’s head was resting on Dirk shoulder, hands entwined, as they waited for midnight to arrive.

“Only a few months before we re-enter the world.”

“Where did that come from?”

“Something’s coming, just planning for it in my head. Few months, we only have a few months.”

“You think too much. You plan too much.” Dirk felt a kiss on his neck and Jake brought his arm over Dirk’s torso, holding him close. “Relax and enjoy the night.”

Burying his face in Jake’s shoulder, “okay.”

…

…

He’s here, in the room. Sitting on the table in front of the couch. _Jake’s gone. “So you’re finally ready to face facts?”_

_“Just fucking tell me already.”_

_“Do you know what players are required to expand a universe?”_

_Goddamn it, he wasn’t in the mood questions. “Space and time?”_

_“No, see, that’s only for the game. Usually players don’t have to worry about expansion, the game takes care of that. However, when you bring people from four other game session into your session, you upset the balance. There are a couple of varieties that can expand the universe, but they all have to be within the winning game’s players. I.e. Roxy, Jake, Jane, and you are the only ones that can manipulate this place. The bubble will crack soon and your world isn’t done.”_

_“Would you just tell me how I can fucking fix it?!”_

_“THAT’S JUST IT! YOU CAN’T!”_

_Dirk was surprised to hear his own desperate scream in his ears._

_“The world can expand through void, sustained through life, and held together with hope. Heart could have added the hope element, but we’re a destruction class.”_

_“I can help in other ways.” He didn’t like the idea of those three working on this monumental task without him. But was he worried that they couldn’t do it? Or was he worried that he didn’t belong? That they didn’t need him?_

_“You will only make things worse.” Dozens of dead bodies filled the floor._

_AlterDirk pointed at the impaled three, “This is what happens when you thought that extracting their souls in order to bring the powers together would be the solution. Nothing ever indicated that, but you couldn’t stand the thought of not being special, being left out.” Gesturing towards three waterlogged corpses. “This is what happened when you thought you could build something that would act as a conductor for their powers…did you know not one Dirk has ever tried NOT inserting himself into the matter?” Finally, gesturing to the dismembered limbs collected in the corner, “I tried to build a machine too, to ‘help’, ended up killing them all.” He gestured around. “Look at all the pain and torment and doomed timelines you’ve created. You arrogant bastard. Look at what your fucked up personality has done. Oh, I know what you’re thinking. ‘I see this now, you’ve warned me so I can fix it.’ Well GUESS WHAT!” The walls fell away, bodies disappearing and thousands of versions of himself filled the space. “Most of us were warned, many by more than one doomed Dirk, a couple were shown all of these Dirks as well. You will never change, but we, we’ve LIVED through it. We won’t make the same mistakes, give one of us, any one, your body so we can make damn sure things will go right!”_

_“No! I understand what’s happening, I’m not like you. I can change, I have changed.”_

_“Please, you still had that whole depression thing, right? You ever think that Jake still worries about that? You ever think that you might be that burden you always feared you would become? Ever think that Jake might get sick of your shit and leave? What would you do at this point?”_

_“I’d ask him what’s wrong, what I did, show him that I can change.” His voice was small and distant. In the face of all of his other selves he felt cornered and scared. That’s the problem with knowing what you’re capable of._

_“Exactly! Show him you can change, and how would you do that? By showing him that you can be helpful, that you can make his tremendous responsibility easier on him?”_

_The real Dirk, which one was he again? He was himself, not them, he hadn’t paled at the thought presented to him, he couldn’t see the truth in it. He was himself. “No”_

_“Yes, put you friends’ well-being over your precious fucking ego. Give your timeline to one of us.”_

_“No.” They crowded around him. Despite the silence he could hear and feel their desperate pleas. They can’t have his body, but they were upon him._

Dirk jolted awake, thick nausea in his gut and a weight on him that had been a comfort, but now felt smothering. Jake was asleep, everyone was. They must have crashed last night. His movement must have woken Jake up, he felt a kind hand cupping his pale clammy face. “Hey, hey, shhhhhh. Have a bad dream?” The green irises showed worry and concern…and fear. Fear that he was relapsing back into his depression, that was probably it. He was scared that he would have to deal with Dirk’s bullshit again. He couldn’t do that to Jake. “Yeah, I’m fine though…just…” He got up and gestured towards the bathroom. He couldn’t look at Jake, but he could feel the burning of the forest gaze.

Once in the bathroom he locked the door and retched into the toilet, doing his best to control it. He didn’t actually puke his guts out, which is too bad, he probably would have felt better; no, instead he was forced to stay there, staring at the clear water. It took him several moments to realize he hadn’t moved, he placed himself on the floor, movement at all now feeling foreign. As though his body were no longer his own. He was only working the gears, making things move…was this another dream….no this is reality, colorless distant reality. He felt like he was only there for a few moments, but soon heard Dave knocking at the door telling him to hurry up. “I’ll be right out.” His own voice sounding really far away, he needed to get a grip. He scrambled to find a razor, pain was the fastest grounder. Lifting his shirt sleeve he gave three cuts on his bicep, feeling more in tune with reality. Grabbing the rubbing alcohol he held his arm over the sink, letting the intensified pain bring him back to reality. Taking a few deep breaths, folding his sleeve back down, he flushed the toilet, washed his hands and made his way out, heading straight for his room, should have used that bathroom in the first place, idiot. Now back in his body and running high on adrenaline from his emotions, the pain, and the dream. He hadn’t noticed in his state of desperation that his shirt was fucking white. The blood was seeping through. He quickly changed in a black shirt and sweats, he can just say that he wanted to be more comfortable. Pressing he arm into his side, hoping the bleeding would stop, Jake can’t see the bleeding, if he sees the scratches it’s easy to explain away, got it while working on robots. He’s always had a habit of not dressing his injuries. It’s believable.

He made his way back out, no one commented on his clothing. Good, good. Someone asked him something, he couldn’t remember his own response even as it was coming out of his mouth; but they seemed pacified. Good, good. Jake was looking at him, smiling, he didn’t suspect a thing did he? No everything is okay, everything is fine. As long as he acts normal everything is fine. Jake doesn’t see that the cliff side has reappeared, they’ve moved pretty far from it though, so that’s not surprising. He doesn’t see that it is calling Dirk. Jake doesn’t see him stumble towards the edge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next up is a small depression episode and maybe the climax of the story (I'm not sure if I'm splitting the next chapter or not.)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the climax of the story. Unfortunately, it's later than I wanted and not exactly how I planned. I hope it makes sense and I hope you enjoy.

The intrusive thoughts wouldn’t leave him alone, thoughts over how fucking useless he is, how fucking worthless. He couldn’t cry even though he wanted to, some part of him was saying he didn’t deserve to cry, it’s his fault he’s in the position he’s in. If he wasn’t such a fuck up maybe he could have contributed to expanding their world, once again though he’s just the outlier that skews the data. The outsider who’s forever different from the community he wants so desperately to belong to. Jake can’t see him like this, he needs to suck it up. If only Charon would take his fucking coin he could be whisked away to the underworld, but no, he can’t even stack stones on the river’s bed. He couldn’t even manage the disgrace of hell, he was too much of a coward. Part of him wanted to run into the woods, live in a cave, isolate and seclude himself. In some weird way though, he knew this would hurt his friends, those poor kind-hearted people that cared for him, not realizing how much of a worthless piece of shit he is.

He wasn’t sleeping much at all. Every time he closed his eyes he was fighting a mountain of his other selves, Jake had left him, or worse, discovered he had been hiding his emotions again, hiding himself. Alternate Dirk made sure to remind him when he slept that he was worthless and beyond redemption, that Jake would get sick of his shit. Not every night, no, Alt-Dirk was too smart for that. He let Dirk relax, sometimes as much as a week, so he felt assured, before attacking him again. Lately, his attacks have been almost constant, probably due to the big event happening in a matter of two weeks, well, according to him. He knew Jake would start to see through him soon. At first it was pretty easy to regain footing, to seem normal, with the decreased sleep he’s been slipping. He finally had to don his shades a week ago when Jake asked about the bags under his eyes. Dirk’s bouts of insomnia weren’t anything new, it’s happened on and off before. Usually not more than a week though, his time was up. Jake would realize it soon, realize what Dirk’s been hiding for the past two months.

Shit, tears were forming in his eyes, he couldn’t cry, he couldn’t cry, what if Jake saw? _God damn it, get a hold of yourself, deep breath, deep breath. Don’t cry, don’t cry._ Gripping the table with whitened knuckles, Dirk forced himself to fill his lungs until they couldn’t expand farther, holding it and releasing it in a slow and controlled fashion. Tears receded back to their homes, as he wiped away the few strays. This wasn’t what he wanted, he didn’t want to lock himself away and bawl. He wanted to snuggle with Jake, spilling his guts as Jake petted his hair and gave him reassuring kisses. He wanted to cling to Jake and never let go. Insecure and anxious behavior wasn’t allowed though, he couldn’t permit himself to act that way, Jake was going to have to deal with something huge and he didn’t need to worry about Dirk’s fucking issues. He couldn’t help but stare at himself in the reflection of a large metal piece that in his workroom and think unhelpful things.

_You’re so fucking stupid, your life isn’t bad, get over yourself. You suck. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. It’s a wonder Jake’s stayed with you this long with how much of a mess you are. Fuck up. Fuck head. Fuck you. Fuck you. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Stop. Stop. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Deep breath. Deep breath. Jake is going to wonder where you are. Because he loves you. No, because he’s nice. He loves you, he wouldn’t have stayed this long if he didn’t love you. But you tricked him. If he knew the real you he wouldn’t have stayed. Shut up. Stop it. Stop…stop…stop…. He’s seen all of me, and he still loves me. He’s too nice for such a worthless piece of shit like me._

Dirk lost his will power and devolved into quiet sobbing. Everything in his head hurt so damn much. He just wanted to fade into oblivion. Somehow a shy knock penetrated his symphony of self-deprecating thoughts, “Dirk? Whatcha doing? Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes.”

Dirk steadied his voice, forcing down the strings of sadness that would otherwise constrict his throat. “I’m working on something, I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

“Kay.”

He waited to hear Jake’s footsteps retreat to the kitchen before he chanced the bathroom. Looking at himself in a proper mirror he could see how much of a mess he was, hair sticking out every which way, red puffy eyes, runny nose, and tear streaked face. He couldn’t let Jake see him like this. Straightening out his hair into the traditional Strider do, washing his face, splashing cold water on his eyes to reduce the redness before toweling off and looking at himself again. His face wasn’t perfect, but it was presentable enough with an allergy excuse. Stuff was starting to bloom, it’s the beginning of March, it’s a believable lie.

Jake’s dinner was exquisite, a chicken pot pie, just like their first date. Dirk did his best to eat and praise Jake for a delectable meal, although he couldn’t really taste anything. Everything felt so distant from himself right now, like he wasn’t a real person, like his body wasn’t his. He was distancing himself from an unpleasant situation and needed to stop it. Jake took the dishes, filling them with water in the sink, shit, he should have done that. Jake cooked dinner, it was his job to clean up, he was failing his act of normalcy, get it together. There was no time for compensation of his anomalous behavior, as Jake straddled his lap, cupping his face and looking him in the eye. “What’s wrong?” More seriousness that Dirk thought possible was expressed by his normally plucky adventurer.

“What? Nothing!”

“Love, don’t give me that, we’ve been together for over a year, through hell and back, I know when you aren’t yourself.”

“It’s nothing really.”

“It’s not nothing, anything that bothers you is not nothing. It’s something and it deserves to be addressed.” Jake was tender, but firm; refusing to relinquish Dirk’s face, but kissing his forehead to comfort the blonde. “I love you so much, please talk to me.”

Dirk breathed deeply, exhaling and shakily taking Jake’s wrists in his hands, holding them there for one long uninterrupted moment. “Okay.” His voice was squeaky and weak. No more, no more hiding from Jake, Dirk didn’t want to be a burden, and if he lied and pushed Jake away until he was a sobbing mess, he would be a burden. He explained everything that had happened the last month. Alternate Dirk’s warning, the fact that even in his own game he was worthless and counter-productive to every goal the other three could share. Despite the insane difficulty he experienced with it, he expressed how it made him feel. Confiding in Jake all of his insecurities, his sense of disruption in an otherwise harmonious paradise of personalities.

Jake cradled Dirk’s head in his hands as the monologue continued, an array of faces from compassion to disbelief to empathetic sorrow shown as he listened whole heartedly. Affectionate caresses and smothering hugs were Dirk’s reward for opening up and part of him hated himself for how much it soothed him; it made him feel weak. Jake was the only one to see his weakness though, so maybe that’s okay. He did feel better overall, just very tired, he made a point of expressing this as well, a little worried about whether he could turn the sharing off or not; Jake didn’t seem to mind though.

“Let’s take a nap. You’ll feel better.”

“Are you tired?”

“Not terribly, but lying down sounds nice, cuddling you sounds even better.” This is what Dirk loved most about Jake, his unabashed dorkiness that always exuded care and love. As patient as ever, Jake escorted Dirk to the bedroom, insisting he put pajamas on for a better rest. Dirk was too emotionally exhausted to argue and did as he was told. Jake changed his clothes too, followed by enthusiastic fluffing of pillows, pulling Dirk into bed, and pulling the blanket up far enough that the two could disappear into the abyss.

Dirk felt a protective arm around him, making him the little spoon in their sleeping arrangement. A sigh from behind and subsequent relaxation of the body behind him left the blonde with an intense sensation of comfort, like nothing could get him, not even his own mind. It was this blissful feeling that tugged his overworked mind to the healing arms of slumber.

The boy didn’t dream, surprisingly and thankfully, nothing except blackness as his brain sorted through the miasma of negative thoughts, a few less to sort than before. As he woke, there was a mild distress from opening himself up to Jake so easily, but the arm still around him acted as a shield and the thought was forced away from his consciousness. A faint whimpering could be heard from his loved one, containing its own distress filled pitch and pitiful whispers. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Dirk carefully rolled over to find the boy weeping in his sleep. Gently brushing the tears away and in as gentle a voice as he could, he coaxed Jake back into the realm of consciousness. “Come on, hun. It’s okay, it’s just a dream. Shhh. Shhh. Wake up. It’s okay.” Jake awoke with a start, despite Dirk’s efforts. “What was the dream about?”

“What?”

“You were crying and talking in your sleep. Before you forget, what was the dream about?”

Jake sniffled and seemed reluctant to share his dream.

“You’ve seen me at my worst, you just listened to me about my fears and worries. Tell me what’s bothering you, hun.”

“….I can’t do it.”

“Can’t do what?”

“I can’t help Jane and Roxy fix this place, we’re all going to die because of me.”

“Hey. Hey. You can do it, I know you can. You did it before and saved everyone.”

“You don’t understand….I had no control over it. I didn’t choose to let it happen, it happened when I was really upset, I don’t know if I can reproduce that.”

Dirk laid there pensively, staring at the ceiling, at nothing. Jake was watched him, unsure if he should say anything. “We’ll work on it together.”

“What?”

“I have a VR helmet I was working on, it’s almost up and running, maybe we can present different scenarios to try and draw it out of you. …Or maybe I shouldn’t. When other Dirks got involved in with the other it resulted in everyone dead.”

“You’re not trying to be an active member though, you’re taking on a supportive role, shouldn’t that make a difference?”

“I don’t know.”

 “Please, love. I’m scared, I don’t want to do this alone.”

Dirk reached out, caressing Jake’s cheek, love and hesitation mixed in those orange irises. “Okay, but I’m going to be pretty hands off. The VR helmet, scenario programming, and supportive cuddles, that’s it. No advice, we’re using your memories of what triggered your powers last time as a baseline scenario and anything added or taken away is your call.”

“Okay.” A relieved, dorky smile adorned Jake’s face that made Dirk’s heart sing, maybe he was still useful to this world, even in a small way.

 

 

Restraining himself from giving advice was harder than Dirk thought it would be, especially with Jake’s growing frustration.

“I CAN’T DO THIS!!!” Jake threw the helmet across the room, completely defeated, yet completely pissed off at the same time. Dirk couldn’t tell if his trembling was from fear or anger, but he wanted it to stop.

“Hey, shhh, it’s okay.” Putting a tentative hand on Jake’s back, testing the waters. When Jake didn’t shake him off, wrapped his arms around the adventurer’s waist, kissing the back of his head, whisper reassurances in his ear.

“We only have three days left….and I still can’t do anything.”

“It’s been a while since anyone has used their powers, that’s why I gave Roxy and Jane a heads up. Let them work and make sure they can do their thing.”

“You haven’t tried at all.”

“I’m not meant to use my powers. I’m trying to be very careful here, I don’t want to kill everyone.”

“You’re not going to kill everyone by preparing. Just once, come on. Maybe I can get an idea of how to use mine.”

“Jake, my powers involve tearing out a person’s soul and putting it inanimate objects.”

“Golly, well I don’t want that….Maybe you can just try taking part of me. Like the soul part of my arm of something.”

“Jake, I’d really rather not.” Dirk shuffled nervously. He really didn’t want to fuck anything up.

“Well, I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want too…Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“As the Prince of Heart, that makes you the destroyer of the self, right?”  
“Well, the correct term is the Destroyer of Souls.”

“Is it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Rose mapped out the differences between aspects as a set of dichotomies. You have time and space, light and void, doom and hope, life and rage, breath and blood, and finally mind and heart. If mind is the logical deduction and seeing things as objective and grounded within a seemingly interconnected network, like synapses in the brain, of something bigger; isn’t heart more expansive than just a soul? Wouldn’t it be everything that soul contains as well, the subjective outlook on life, emotions, and view each person as a singularity? Wouldn’t that mean each facet of that person is also a singularity? One that you can pick apart as you see fit. You can either take the single that is the person’s single consciousness, their soul, or one of the multiple single entities that comprise the soul?”

“…when did you talk to Rose about all of this?”

“Oh, she’s been going out to the woods every day to check on the progress at the edge of the bubble. I think she’s been recording everything. For a while we just nodded at each other and didn’t speak. At one point, she and Kanaya apparently had a fight and she was really upset. So we sat and talked. After that she started teaching me stuff about the game as she understood it and pretty much everything else, while I helped her learn to shoot and identify the plants in the forest, well, the earth ones at least.”

A surprising thrum of jealousy rang through Dirk as he pictured Jake having fun and learning so much from someone that wasn’t him. He hated the feeling, especially with awful and ridiculous it made him feel. Jake’s argument did make sense, although at this point that didn’t even matter. “Okay.” A determined stride to his boyfriend who looked shocked at how easily he was convinced. Possessive arms encircled the green-eyed boy, clinging to the green, wrinkled jacket that smelled like dirt. He called on the power he could feel dwelling in his core, letting out through his fingertips as he felt the many strings that were Jake. Likes and dislikes, hopes, dreams, fears, thoughts, all coiled with his adventurer and with this close proximity he could feel their texture and their strength. He took hold of a warm strand, rubbing it between his thumb and forefinger, trying his hardest not to snap the fragile strand. He couldn’t see it at this angle, but could somehow sense a soft happy orange hue from it. “I’m going to try something, okay? Let me know if it hurts.”

“Okay.”

Dirk tugged at the string softly up, trying to see if he could get a better look at it from over Jake’s shoulder. The action immediately eliciting a favorable reaction from his paramour. The arms around him tightened, he could feel green sleeves being pushed up past the elbow before hands pulled up his shirt, with no barrier blocking he felt a shocking delight trill down his spine as skin met skin. His precious adventurer whispered a husky, tender, voice in his ear. “ _God_ I love you.”

Letting go of the string he could feel another instant shift in behavior, face warming, hands pulling his shirt back down before hands were placed over it. Dirk closed his eyes, trying to sense which one to remove, finally there was one that felt rusty and heavy in his hand, it was larger than the others, something about its presence in Jake flared a fire within Dirk, he wanted it out. As he pulled at it he felt Jake begin to shrink from him, trembling and timid. “Hold still.” Dirk’s arms tightening around Jake, he wanted this fucker out. Jake fought him, desperately, pitifully, but enough to get out of Dirk’s grasp and fall to the floor, dazed and trembling.

“I don’t want to do that anymore.”

“What was that?! What did I pull? Let me get that thing out of you!”

“I…I think you were pulling at …I don’t know.”

“What did it feel like to you?”

“Dirk, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Then talk about the first string pulled, it was warm and-“

“String?”

“That’s how your personality feels to me, a complex network of strings.”

“Oh…I think that first one you pulled was…”A delicate blush appeared just below green eyes. “I think it was my love for you.”

“What did it feel like when I pulled it?” A stern face stubbornly ignoring the red that grew to mirror his beloved.

“It felt really good. Like I was warm, and my insides were melting into this weird mixture that I can’t even describe. Everything was in slow motion and I realized I could smell you and I just wanted to feel your skin against mine, even just my hands. I felt like you were a part of me and my chest felt over inflated.” A look of dreamy remembrance reflected his sentiment.

The blondes blush grew ten shades deeper in hue. It was nice feeling loved, really loved; more than just the romance and tenderness, a belonging. He wanted to feel that way about Jake all the time. It sounded so nice…they’d probably never leave the bedroom though if they felt that way about each other every second of the day. His cracked whisper betrayed his stoic façade, “And when I pulled the other string?”

As if distracted from his own talking, Jake started to give details about his experience. His beautiful look of a mental bliss replaced with a scrunched forehead and closed eyes. “I felt…empty. I felt like less than human, like I deserved to be treated lower than dirt. You were suddenly radiating this amazing light and I felt too dirty to touch you. I felt disgusting and worthless, what could make me ever think that I would be important in the world. I can’t even use my own power and you could use yours with such ease. It was like I was broken and could never fix myself.”

“….was it sadness? Is that what I pulled?” A scrawny pale arm curled around the yellow torso, lying down next to it and clinging protectively to the body underneath the cloth.

“I don’t think so…it was more personal, more specific than sadness.”

“Self-worth? Self-esteem?”

“Yeah, I think one of those.”

“I probably shouldn’t pull it out then….can I take another look?”

“….”

“I won’t pull at it, I just want a better angle to look at it.”

“…okay.”

Jake rolled onto his side as Dirk probed once more. The string was still at the surface, millions of strings interconnected behind it. A single black thread, worn and about to break, invoking such feelings of heartache and sympathy for the one it was attached to. The thread didn’t appear to be completely black, flakes of yellow dotted the obsidian string, as if remnants of what used to be. Or maybe, the rest was just buried, Dirk carefully use his nail to scratch at the vile coating, some chipping off in his hand revealing a pale, weather worn, yellow. He continued, Jake didn’t appear to have any complaints, chipping off as much black as he could without forcing the flakes deeper into Jake.

Pulling away when he was done, he held Jake for a brief moment before pulling him onto his feet. “Try your powers now.” His words met with a skeptical look, but a reluctant attempt. A sunny haze filled the room, blanketing both of them, Jake seemed unfazed, but Dirk’s heart fluttered; warmth filling him, a light airy giddiness that made him giggle at the incorporeal delight. Green eyes watched as stoic lips broke into a grin and laugh, white teeth showing, perfectly straight, eyes crinkled with merriment, chest and stomach convulsing with involuntary, uncontrollable laughter as a pale hand clutch the side. Lips met lips in a desperate glee, two sets of hands clutch the opposite body, afraid of losing the moment.

 

The last few days before the fight were filled with practice, Jake had to learn how to direct his power rather than letting it run wild. His chosen target, the love of his life. Heart swelling satisfaction filled his chest as he listened to Dirk giggle when the heart player was enveloped with glowing, golden bliss. Of course the laughter had….other effects, Dirk only seemed to laugh harder when Jake’s predicament was made evident.

 The sunshine energy made Dirk’s world blissfully hazy and optimistic…and pure. Hope was like a drug, the best drug, chasing away the inner demons and renewing the determination and energy within him to pursue life, rather than just live it. He could get used to the feeling, something told him that while it won’t always be like this, life will be good when the bubble is gone. Life will like him again.

 

 

The day of truth was upon them. A great quaking shook through their world. The bubble that protected them cracked, their sky broken; shards of it falling to the ground as three teenagers flew to protect their home. Damage control was first, Roxy nimbly avoided the falling debris, creating new, larger pieces to replace those that had fallen out. Jane connected them, connecting it to the fading life of the shield, reviving it as best she could. Jake blasted the new connections with a warm ray, the concoction of heterogeneous pieces acting as a Band-Aid while Roxy moved to the new, fledgling planet.  Another giant, all consuming, quickly enlarging crack invaded their new home.

“Jane! I need help! I can’t hold these pieces in place for long!”

Dirk watched the chaos unfold. His friends were working so hard to save their world and here he was standing beside the others, apparently this was some kind of final test for only those who started this game. Every single person except the four alphas were relieved of their powers, helpless to event unfolding. Rose came up beside Dirk. “Why aren’t you doing anything?”

“I have nothing to add. Every timeline I tried to help everything went to shit. If I do anything we’re doomed.”

“Yes, Jake told me a general overview. Don’t worry, I’ve kept it confidential, as well as your…condition earlier this year. Did you ever think your episode of depression had a purpose?”

“No, it was just my fucked up mind doing fucked up shit, like it always does.”

“Really? Define suicide Dirk.”

“The act of killing yourself.”

“Now define your classpect.” A piece of bubble broke off in the distance as the three alphas race to keep everything together.

“The destroyer of souls.”

“The destroyer of the self.”

“Perspective.”

“Exactly. What you experienced was training Dirk, and you’re failing your exam.”

Realization finally dawned on him. Of course. The prince of heart can really be looked at in two forms. The destroyer of souls mode, which is to destroy other selves, the breakdown of other people’s personality. And then there’s the destroyer of the self, destroying himself, in what way though….Jake’s strings…his suicide…that’s it.

Dirk jumped to his feet, and ran for his friends. His personal self is a complex network of wires, each representing a facet of his personality, all he needed to do was figure out which aspect relied on what facet of personality. Jake….hope….he was optimistic that’s true (although not in a typical way), but not great with follow through and prone to standing still when things needed addressing. Connection the wires of personality was like magnets, opposites attract and create a powerful bond. You want what you lack. He wouldn’t be able to do any intricate work with this chaos, so Dirk would have to go with the most general, and therefore largest connections. He approached Jake, the adventurer concentrating too hard to notice him. He treated Jake’s personality like a search engine, looking within for that optimistic collection, and finding it quickly. He reached within himself and produced a type of personality satellite, a little mechanical looking bug to latch onto the string, his pessimism with Jake’s optimism.

Next, Roxy…uh….she knows how to live in the moment, goofy, but not airheaded, um….she knew how to connect to people, if the game had taught him one thing, he only knows how to alienate them. He approached her as quickly, she too using everything she had to hold their world together. Dirk looked into her personality, each of her traits represented by stars and constellations, easy enough to search through, repeating the process for Roxy. Social and Asocial.

Finally, Jane, the three were failing, he needed to act fast. Fatigue clearly seen on the three, this was the only way he could help. Jane’s hands on the ground as she pushed her trickling magic into the planet and sky, trying to keep everything together and connected. Jane trusts so easily, complete opposite of him. He repeated the process, one last time, with Jane.

Once all three had satellites Dirk gave his crumbling world one final look. This is what he was meant to do, how he was meant to help, with his talent. He parsed his essence and strength…saving just enough for himself to live after this, he’ll be weak as hell, but he’ll live. And released it to his friends. The destroyer of souls can destroy himself, without killing himself. His ability to break the singularity into multiples was his power, he couldn’t be himself right now, he had to be them. With that realization dawning on him, he let himself join with his friends and, for one brief moment, cease to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up is the epilogue. So just some final fluff. If you didn't enjoy the chapter, keep in mind that I only started off this story with a vague idea of what I was going to do and changed its path multiple times. This was more me playing with ideas than a full fledged story. Regardless thanks to those who read it anyway despite this story's lack of plot. I am sincerely grateful to all who have read my stories.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, this is it. The final chapter.

Dirk awoke to white walls and a green curtain blocking out what seems to have been dusk, or maybe dawn. Roxy was asleep in a little alcove, on a sofa, Jane sleeping at the opposite end. Jake…he looked around the room before he realized there was a weight next to him, the adventurer laying with him, arm around him, fast asleep. He spoke, voice raspy from little use. “Jake….Jake…what’s going on?”

The brunette stirred, eyes groggily cracking open before they were blown wide with shock. “Dirk!” The blonde flinched at the loud shout piercing the otherwise silent room. “Sorry.” Jake modified his tone, softer, and sweeter. “I just, you’re awake.” They kissed and Jake held Dirk close, burying his head in the other’s neck. “Thank god.”

“How long was I out? Where am I?”

“Ah, this is a hospital in the world we created. After you did whatever thing you did, the bubble disappeared and we found this town just beyond. We carried you here, apparently they felt the earth being ripped apart, although they thought it was just an earthquake. That’s how we explained your condition. Told them you were hurt in the quake. They said you were severely dehydrated and lost a lot of blood.”

“How did I lose blood?”

“You had three large slashes on you Dirk, across your stomach, back, and down one leg.” Jake pulled away the blanket to show Dirk one of the wounds, stiches all up his leg providing evidence for the story. “Scared the shit out of us, they said you’d be okay, but it’s been a week. We were worried you wouldn’t wake up.”

Dirk reeled with all the information, too much for him to process. Jake could see his disorientation and placed a hand on his cheek. “What do you remember?”

“I remember…synching with you guys and splitting my energy between you.”

“You were the reason the reason we had that boost of energy?”

“Yeah.”

“You stupid, stupid idiot.” Jake clung to him, hiding the tears in his eyes. “You can’t keep doing that Dirk, you can’t keep sacrificing yourself for us, I can’t, I can’t do this again. You always get hurt because of me. I should have been able to fix things, I should have protected you this time. I should have-“ His voice a broken whisper.

Dirk kissed the top of Jake’s head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think it would end like this. I honestly thought I had saved enough of my energy to come out of this alright. I had intended on living Jake, I gave what I thought would be enough without hurting myself. I’m sorry I worried you.” Jake stared at him, searching his eyes for something, confirmation? Deceit? Jake must have found what he was looking for or decided it wasn’t worth pursuit, as he tucked Dirk’s head under his chin and softly spoke “Get some rest, you look exhausted.” Dirk didn’t fight him and was back asleep in seconds.

When he awoke again it was the middle of the day. Only Roxy was in the room, reading a magazine. “Hey Rox.” Her head shot up and she raced towards him, jumping on his hospital bed, kissing his face like a mother who had found her lost child amidst a crowded carnival. Shaking him when she was done “You worried me sick! Don’t you ever do that again!”

“Roxy, please don’t shake me.” She stopped, grabbing the bucket by the bed.

“Need to throw up?”

“No, I’m good.” The world evened back out, he saw her gaze and its mix of worry and admonishment.  “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

She sat there for a moment, playfully glaring and feigning contemplation. “It’s alright, but no more of this playing Jesus bullshit. You don’t need sacrifice yourself to be a good friend Dirk.”

He gave her a tired smile, “I know. I just couldn’t bear not helping. You know me, I go to extremes.”

“Well no more extremes for you, seriously, don’t do something stupid as soon as you get out here like sky diving or some shit.”

Dirk laughed, “I won’t I promise.”

“You better not, or I’ll track your down, kill you, bring you back to life, and kill you again.”

“I promise, I promise.”

“…We don’t have our powers anymore.”

“Yeah, I thought that might happen.” The powers had a purpose and their purpose was served, no sense in them sticking around after the fact. Kind of felt like borrowed power anyway.

Roxy nodded. “Oh! I gotta tell Janey and Jakey!” She reached for her phone sending the others a message of Dirk’s new state. Not two minutes later Jake appears in the doorway “I go out for food, so of course that’s your cue to wake up.”

Dirk smiled. “You know me, I do things on my time. ….So what’s the world like?”

Jake and Roxy stopped and looked at each other. Jake asked “Has the nurse been by to check on him yet?”

“No”

The adventurer took a deep breath, “The world isn’t anything like you may have seen the movies your brother left for you. We appear to be a little ahead of what Jane was used to technology wise, and the people appear to be a combination of the trolls and humans. When the nurse comes in, you’ll see what I mean.”

Dirk perked up a little, “So there really are a bunch of people out there? Like actual shops and everything? Where you buy stuff?”

Jake and Roxy smiled, Dirk’s reaction much like theirs a week ago. Jake was the first to answer, “Yeah, it’s going to be a little overwhelming at first, but you’ll get used to it quickly, I promise. It appears we each have a bank account and those Boondollars we made in all our games, ours, John’s group, and the trolls’ games were processed as this worlds money. Dave apparently had made an insane amount during his game and now everyone is rich.”

Dirk smiled and looked out the window “I can’t wait to get out of here and see it.”

Dirk was released two days later, he was perfectly healthy although likely prone to fatigue for the next few months. The nurse had him sign the release forms, she had grey skin and a single protruding horn from her forehead, but otherwise looked like a normal human. He was greeted at home by everyone, all twenty nine people that had survived their game and become gods of this new world. They weren’t quite aware how easily Dirk would tire though. After an hour he could be found cuddled on Jake’s lap, fast asleep. Many pictures of him were taken, Roxy, Nepeta, Meulin, Rose, and Dave all took pictures. When asked, Dave and Rose claimed it was to torture the prince with later, the others said it was for shipping purposes.

Dirk experienced many firsts the following week. His first experience at a sit-down restaurant, Jake had to order for him as he was surprisingly shy talking to people. When asked how Jake could be so comfortable he said “Grandma drilled me on basic interactions when I was really young. It was a daily practice. I was never sure why, until I found her diary years later. She planned on taking me to London when I turned sixteen. How she was going to do it, I don’t know, but it was apparently a plan she had. Her lessons never left me though. After she died I continued them on my own, I think it was a coping mechanism.” 

The next first was a first for Jake as well, watching a movie in an actual movie theatre. They decided to watch something that was pegged as a superhero movie. It had plenty they could relate to, although there was some references that they didn’t understand. What was “blargablurg” and why was it funny? The most shocking thing for them, was hearing so many people laughing in unison at the actions on the screen. The bursts of laughter caused them both to jump multiple times throughout the movie. When the film ended and they took their first steps outside into bright sun, Jake was forced to take Dirk’s hand to help guide him back home. “Blimey, when did the sun get so bright?!”

“I think it’s because we were in a dark movie theater. This is why I wear shades everywhere, we need to get you a pair of shades.”

“Yes, I will put them over my glasses and look like just fucking dandy, won’t I?”

“Well, you already talk like a dandy, so why not?” Jake’s eyes finally started to adjusted and he was able to walk again without Dirk as a guide. They weren’t far from home, both were rather happy that their house had the privacy of a forest surrounding them. Dealing with all the noises from the moderately sized town would have likely proved too much for them.

Dirk unlocked the door, letting both boys in. Jake closed it as he watched Dirk head towards the hallway and he sighed to himself, going to have to be without company for a while wasn’t he? Jake stepped into the kitchen, brewing up some tea for himself, heading into the bedroom for a nice relaxing reading session, only to find Dirk’s workroom door open. So, Dirk wasn’t secluding himself? Entering the bedroom he found his boyfriend sprawled out on the bed. “Dirk?” Jake whispered, not wanting to wake the blonde if he had fallen asleep.

“I’m awake, just fucking exhausted.” The blonde sat up, taking his shirt and pants off before disappearing under the covers.

“Mind if I read a little?”

“Nah, I don’t really want to sleep, just want to close my eyes for a bit. Read all you want.”

Jake took off his pants and top shirt as well, leaving him in a tank top and boxers before climbing into bed. The overhead light was off, only Jake’s side lamp to create a soft, relaxing glow. Despite Dirk’s claims, he was soon fast asleep, his breath slowed and his body stilled from its usual tossing and turning. He rolled over, snuggling closer to the page, a source of warmth. Jake smiled, continued holding his book with one hand, while petting Dirk’s hair with the other. It was only four in the afternoon, but the world felt as still and peaceful as the dead of night.

 

_One year and three months later._

Jake was in the kitchen making breakfast, which simply would not do. Dirk stepped behind him, wrapping his arms around him, kissing his neck. “Come back to bed.” A hand wandering down Jake’s front, cupping him through his boxers, rubbing him, teasing him.

He squirmed in Dirk’s grasp, trying to shake him off and failing miserably. “H-hey, we don’t have time for that this morning, remember? Roxy planned for everyone to go to go to that new mega-mall.”

“That’s tomorrow Jake. Today is all ours.” Dirk knows, he triple checked the date, didn’t want any interruptions this morning. His hand continued its work below the belt while the other pinched Jake’s nipples, his mouth on Jake’s neck and his arms bring their bodies closer so he could grind his erection into that plush ass. Jake moaned, he dropped the eggs, damn that Strider charm. Dirk pulled away, turned off the stove and picked up a heavy-lidded Jake bridal style, taking him into the bedroom. The adventurer took the opportunity to lavish Dirk’s neck with wet, sucking kisses.

He laid Jake down on the bed and the two caught each other’s gaze, caught in a mystifying trance, like they were seeing each other for the first time all over again; no, they were seeing the new people they had become. Dirk no longer had dark circles under his eyes, his skin color had evened out, his muscles even more defined than before, and his hair delightfully mussed. Throughout the past year he had gotten better at taking care of himself, sleeping more, eating right, getting exercise that wasn’t specifically meant to put him in harm’s way. He had been outside more too, earned a nice sun kissed glow, making previously unseen freckles pop. He hated them, but Jake had spent many a night tracing lines to each one with his finger. The boy looked good now, in every way imaginable.

Jake had undergone his own transformation, his skin had also grown a little darker, a delightful burnt caramel color, his hair had grown shaggier as well. The small boy had also grown taller and broader in the last year, Dirk was still bigger, but the size difference between them had lessened. Scars from his adventuring had faded some and new ones hadn’t been acquired due to his own growth in self-care, plus Nemo.

They had both grown as people and as a couple. Communication was at an all-time high in their relationship. Jake had found that Dirk had a very unfortunate inner monologue that would bring him down that dark road, and worked with Dirk to cope and even change it, just a little. Dirk found Jake had major insecurity issues in pretty much every relationship he has, including theirs. Jake had realized his own hubris and was worried he was messing up again. Dirk was able to help with many little reassurances and even a few admonishments when Jake was acting exceptionally arrogant and selfish. They helped each other. The made each other better, and for the first time in a year, they noticed each other, really noticed.

“You’re damn beautiful, hun.”

“Right back at cha, love.” Their mouths met in a tendered, slightly fevered kiss. Dirk lowered himself onto Jake, boxers still on both boys. They moved slowly, languidly against each other. Dirk’s hands on Jake’s chest, with Jake’s hands tracing the muscles on Dirk’s back.

“I love you so much.” Another kiss, deeper, more fervent.

“I love you too.” The kiss now searing, tongues dancing, mouths wild. Dirk began to kiss down Jake’s torso, he could hear labored breathing intensify as he reached the waistband. He nipped the skin just under the belly button before the boxers, eliciting a gasp from his paramour. Taking the fabric with his teeth he pulled the boxers down until Jake’s erection was fully exposed, teasing it with hot, moist breath, then quickly removing the offending garment the rest of the way.

He took one more moment to admire his lover’s form, before showering Jake’s phallus with attention; kissing the shaft as little “Oh” and “Yes” dripped into his ears and he felt his heart tighten. Licking from base to tip earned Dirk a satisfying “Oh my” and he couldn’t help but chuckle and adore that flushed, beautiful face from which the words had fallen. Removing his own boxers, he quickly coated himself, phallus and fingers, with lube, quickly prepping Jake before positioning at his entrance. He glanced at the time, 8:30, good, he had enough time to do this as he wanted. He entered Jake as gently as possible, rocking his slowly back and forth. Little sounds of pleasure falling from both their lips, the occasional pleads of “faster” from Jake went unheeded. Dirk continued his slow unrelenting pace, grasping Jake’s dick and pumping him in rhythm. He watched as Jake slowly unraveled; mild frustration from his pleas going unheard, a small wave of pleasure as Dirk found his prostate, more waves as he abused that spot with unhurried thrusts, each one subsiding just as a new one erupted into a sea of bliss. Dirk was so caught up watching his lover that he didn’t see the time until it was 8:50, damn not nearly enough time, how about that, he was wrong. He always had bad calculations when it was about Jake, the boy always kept him on his toes, challenged him, thrilled him. Dirk plunged faster and harder into Jake earning mewls and cries of carnal delight.

“Ah y-yes Ah! Dirk!” He could feel Jake tighten around him and everything in him was exposed.

He couldn’t help but chant his deepest feelings. “Fuck-Jake-I love you. You’re amazing. I love you. I’ll never let you go. I can never lose you. I-AH!” Climaxing together and melting into the sheets, the two basked in their afterglow. Dirk grabbed a towel, cleaning them both off. He kissed Jake forehead, nuzzling against the side of his face. “I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going? Stay here.” Jake’s sleepy sated face pleaded.

“I’ll be right back.” The doorbell rang. “I have to get the door.” Dirk pulled on his robe and his wallet, ready to pay for his order.

When he opened the door he was greeted with a spunky red haired, two horned, freckled face, fourteen year old boy, the only one in the town brave enough to venture to the houses in the forest. Most believed the legends of dead children ghosts haunting the forest, others were convinced vicious animals hid in these woods. Only this kid, Jeffery, and his father new the truth, and only Jeffery believed it. “Here you go Dirk, nervous?”

Dirk smirked at him, “How many times do I have to tell you Jeffery? Striders never get nervous.”

“Then why was my dad cursing about how many times you’ve called the past couple days?”

“Alright, maybe I am a little nervous.”

“I’m sure it will go well, you two are absolutely disgusting together.”

“Yeah, just wait until you’re in love kid.”

“Won’t be as gross as you.” Dirk chuckled, paid Jeffery for the delivery, the trouble of his non-stop calls, and a generous tip. He quickly closed the door, the croissants still warm. Sal, Jeffery’s dad, was the best baker around, Jake raved about the blueberry croissants, but they’ve been out of season since last October. This was a special surprise, just for Jake.

Dirk hurriedly placed the food on plates, trying to make everything perfect and pretty, shaking hands making it difficult to do so, but he managed. Carrying the plates into the bedroom he found Jake sitting up. “I was worried you’d disappeared in some fit of inspiration.”

“Nah, today is all about you today, hun.” Jake’s face lit up when the delectable treat was place in front of him, making Dirk’s insides turn to putty.

“My, what have I done to deserve such pampering?”

“I’ve decided I don’t pamper you enough. You took care of me for so long, when I was going through rough times.” He watched, heart beating rapidly, sitting on clenched hands as Jake ripped his croissant in half (his preferred method of eating, which they never saw eye to eye on) and a ring fell out. The ring wasn’t encrusted with jewels, Jake wasn’t that kind of person. No, the ring was a wide band engraved with two vines winding around a red line, the line of fate. They would grow together and support each other. And on the inside of the ring the words “No matter where you wander, we will always be together.”

Jake was left shocked and speechless as Dirk took the ring one hand and Jake’s in the other. Pressing his forehead to that of his hopefully soon-to-be husband he asked “Jake English will you marry me?”

His answer was given in the form of a kiss and tears and giggling, before finally confirmed in words “Yes, of course yes.” Dirk slipped the ring on his fiancé’s finger, kissed it and kissed Jake. The rest of the day was spent cuddling and kissing, talks of wedding plans and dates filled their conversation before dissolving into another round of physical love.  They had been through hell and back, physically and mentally, they had seen and been through things no teenager should go through…and they still had each other. They were still together. They would always be together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed it! I know the sex scene was exceptionally tame compared to my other stuff, but I felt conveying love and tenderness with just a touch of mutual awe was more important to note. Nothing more is planned for this series. It's had three stories and about nine months (lol it's my child) devoted to it and I feel best ending it here. If you like my writing I plan on really investing more time in Succession of the Line and a Brojohn fic called A Different Kind of Intimacy after a week or so of smut fics. ;) If those don't interest you, I do take requests:  
> SFW here: http://attemptsattalent.tumblr.com/  
> NSFW here: http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/ (Please no urine play, fecal play, or adult baby requests)
> 
> Thanks to everyone who read this fic, all of the comments, kudos, bookmarks, and subscriptions mean a lot to me.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this story is going to play with form a little bit more than my other stories. There may be some first person perspectives for both Dirk and Jake, some may be journal entries, etc. I'm going to aim for a new chapter once a week and they will each cover one week in their year in purgatory. I am open to any suggestions you guys may have for either sad of happy moments or anything you want them to do. Nothing is nailed down completely. And feedback is always welcome. The other characters will be making appearances later, it's just these first few chapters that are going to be strictly Dirk and Jake.


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